Quotes about joke
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“The cheesecake was smooth and lush, with the personality of a warm and well-to-do uncle who knows a hundred dirty jokes and will die of sexual exertions in the arms of his mistress.”

Don DeLillo Underworld

Source: Underworld

Personality

“Being an author sucks, doesn't it? It's like telling a joke and nobody laughs for two years.”

Scott Westerfeld book Afterworlds

Source: Afterworlds

“It is almost a joke, but a joke that nobody tells.”

Hilary Mantel book Wolf Hall

Source: Wolf Hall

“Perhaps the way to succeed is to think of life on Earth as a colossal joke, a creation of such immense stupidity that the only way to live is to laugh until you think your heart will break.”

Meg Rosoff (1956) American-British children's writer

Source: There Is No Dog

Life, Stupidity, Way, Thinking

“My Lord told me a joke. And seeing Him laugh has done more for me than any scripture I will ever read.”

Meister Eckhart (1260–1328) German theologian

Source: Selected Writings

Reading

“He sounds like Jesus. Except rich and sexy.”
“Watch it, Meg. In this town joking about Jesus could get you shot. You’ve never seen so many of the faithful who’re armed.”

Susan Elizabeth Phillips (1948) American writer

Source: Call Me Irresistible

Faith

“High school wasn't a trial by fire or some ordeal that had to be survived. It was all a big joke. You just had to provide the laugh track.”

Scott Westerfeld (1963) American science fiction writer

Source: Midnighters Manga #1

School

“Television is a medium of entertainment which permits millions of people to listen to the same joke at the same time, and yet remain lonesome.”

T.S. Eliot (1888–1965) 20th century English author

People, Time

“She's you, without your conscience, or your feelings. She's you without your humanity."
"You're saying she's a mood swing?"
He shrugged. "Or maybe you're her mood swing."
"Don't even joke about that.”

Derek Landy (1974) Irish children's writer

Source: Death Bringer

Feeling, Mood

“Death isn't funny. Then why are there so many jokes about death? Jill, with us — us humans — death is so sad that we must laugh at it.”

Robert A. Heinlein book Stranger in a Strange Land

Source: Stranger in a Strange Land

Death, Sadness

“You can be merry with the king, you can share a joke with him. But as Thomas More used to say, it's like sporting with a tamed lion. You tousle its mane and pull its ears, but all the time you're thinking, those claws, those claws, those claws.”

Hilary Mantel Bring Up the Bodies

Source: Bring Up the Bodies

Thinking, Sport, Time

“… nothing broke my heart like the slow death of a shared joke that had once seemed genuinely funny.”

Curtis Sittenfeld book Prep

Source: Prep

Death, Heart

“Have you ever heard of the theory of relativity?"
Artemis blinked. "Is this a joke? I have traveled through time, Doctor. I think I know a little something about relativity.”

Eoin Colfer (1965) Irish author of children's books

Source: The Last Guardian

Travel, Thinking, Time

“When I tell people I went to library school, the most common reaction is either “You’re joking, right?” or “They have schools for librarians? Do they teach you how to properly sssh people?”

Scott Douglas (1963) American wheelchair tennis player

People, School

“Listen up. You're in trouble. Word is the Capitol's furious about you showing them up in the arena. The one thing they can't stand is being laughed at and they're the joke of Panem”

Suzanne Collins (1962) American television writer and novelist

“In 1945, peace broke out. It was the end of the Joke. Joke warfare was banned at a special session of the Geneva Convention, and in 1950 the last remaining copy of the joke was laid to rest here in the Berkshire countryside, never to be told again.”

Graham Chapman (1941–1989) English comedian, writer and actor

Source: Monty Python's Flying Circus

Peace

“By the way, all joking aside, do I call you Ghastly or Elder Bespoke?'
'You can call me whatever you like.'
Vex nodded. 'Thank you, Gladys.”

Derek Landy (1974) Irish children's writer

Source: Death Bringer

Way

“You know, Aunt Tasha makes jokes about how youʹd actually be a better queen than the others, except sometimes… I donʹt think sheʹs joking.”

Richelle Mead book Last Sacrifice

Source: Last Sacrifice

Thinking

“It's okay," I said soothingly. "You're just getting your stride back. Once you're up to full power, I'll go crack a rib or something so we can test it."
She groaned. "The horrible part is that I don't think you're joking.”

Richelle Mead Shadow Kiss

Source: Shadow Kiss

Thinking, Parting, Hurtful

“Then Alec had smiled at one of Magnus’s jokes, and the smile had lit a lamp in his solemn face, making his blue eyes brilliant, and briefly taking Magnus’s breath away”

Cassandra Clare (1973) American author

Source: What to Buy the Shadowhunter Who Has Everything

Smile

“Women don't have a sense of humor. They don't need one. The Almighty made them as a permanent joke on men. From which one may logically deduce tha the Almighty is a female.”

Loretta Chase book Lord of Scoundrels

Source: Lord of Scoundrels

Women, Men, Sense

“Artemis: I am not buoyed by that.
Foaly: You are not supposed to be buoyed by that. You are supposed to be equalized.
Mulch: I'm pretty sure that both of you just made really horrible jokes. But I'm not sure because I think you broke my funny bone.”

Eoin Colfer (1965) Irish author of children's books

Source: The Atlantis Complex

Thinking

“Asked about the fact that Apple's iTunes software for Windows computers was extremely popular, Jobs joked, 'It's like giving a glass of ice water to somebody in hell.”

Walter Isaacson (1952) American writer and biographer

Hell, Water

“As the joke goes, you don’t have to be faster than the wolf chasing you, just faster than everyone else running away.”

Kim Harrison (1966) Pseudonym

Source: A Fistful of Charms

Wolf

“Knock Knock. Who's there? The Truth. No joke.”

Stephen Colbert (1964) American political satirist, writer, comedian, television host, and actor

Truth

“Alec said you do that," said Jace. "Deflect questions about yourself with jokes.”

Cassandra Clare book City of Heavenly Fire

Source: City of Heavenly Fire

Question

“They always prided themselves on looking youthful. “Forty’s the new thirty,” they’d joke.
Until heartbreak and grief enter your life, and then forty’s the new one hundred.”

Melina Marchetta (1965) Australian teen writer

Source: The Piper's Son

Life, Youth

“Once you realize what a joke everything is, being the Comedian is the only thing that makes sense.”

Alan Moore book Watchmen

Source: Watchmen

Sense

“You cannot reduce the situation to worm jokes, Will. This is Gabriel and Gideon’s father we’re discussing.”
“We’re not just discussing him; we’re chasing him through an ornamental sculpture garden because he’s turned into a worm.”

Cassandra Clare book Clockwork Princess

Source: Clockwork Princess

“Any woman who chooses to behave like a full human being should be warned that the armies of the status quo will treat her as something of a dirty joke. That's their natural and first weapon. She will need her sisterhood.”

Gloria Steinem (1934) American feminist and journalist

"Sisterhood" in New York Magazine (20 December 1971), p. 49

Nature

“It was almost funny. Life seemed downright accidental in its brevity, and death a punch line to a lousy joke.”

Maureen Johnson (1973) writer from the USA

Source: The Name of the Star

Life, Death

“The power of women! I've never felt so full of mysterious power. Men are a joke.
We're so weak physically, so helpless with things. Still, even today. But we're stronger than they are. We can stand their cruelty. They can't stand ours.”

John Fowles book The Collector

Source: The Collector

Women, Men

“Maybe you're going insane."
"Maybe," agreed Kernel.
"I was joking."
"I wasn't.”

Darren Shan Wolf Island

Source: Wolf Island

“It seems to me that the good lord in his infinate wisdom gave us three things to make life bearable- hope, jokes, and dogs. But the greatest of these was dogs.”

Robyn Davidson (1950) Australian writer

Source: Tracks: A Woman's Solo Trek Across 1700 Miles of Australian Outback

Life, Wisdom, Dogs, Hope

“Please don't make me a joke. End the interview with what I believe. I don't mind making jokes, but I don't want to look like one… I want to be an artist, an actress with integrity.”

Marilyn Monroe (1926–1962) American actress, model, and singer

Context: Please don't make me a joke. End the interview with what I believe. I don't mind making jokes, but I don't want to look like one... I want to be an artist, an actress with integrity... If fame goes by, so long, I've had you, fame. If it goes by, I've always known it was fickle. So at least it's something I experienced, but that's not where I live.

Her last taped interview, with Richard Meryman, published in LIFE magazine a few days before her death. (3 August 1962); quoted in Ms. magazine (August 1972)

“Everyone is a comedy. If people are laughing at you, they just don't quite understand the joke that is themselves.”

Matt Haig (1975) British writer

Source: The Humans

People, Understanding

“If our faith is strong, we’ll go to heaven, and we’ll understand the whole thing when we get there. As if life were a joke, and heaven the place where the cosmic punchline is finally explained to us.”

Stephen King book Revival

Source: Revival

Life, Faith, Understanding, Strong

“The wisest and the best of men, nay, the wisest and best of their actions, may be rendered ridiculous by a person whose first object in life is a joke.”

Jane Austen book Pride and Prejudice

Source: Pride and Prejudice

Life, Men, Personality

“He joked while Dali cut him, mangling the words with his monstrous jaws, snarled with a pretended rage and dramatically promised to "kirrrl youraaalll for this!”

Ilona Andrews American husband-and-wife novelist duo

Source: Magic Strikes

Rage

“This is your one chance. Tell me where the key is."
"Okay."
Serpine raised an eyebrow. "Really?"
"No, only joking. Do your worst.”

Derek Landy Skulduggery Pleasant

Source: Skulduggery Pleasant

Chance

“What are you reading?" Owen asks.
"Charlotte's Web," Liz says. "It's really sad. One of the main characters just died."
"You ought to read the book from end to beginning," Owen jokes. "That way, no one dies, and it's always a happy ending.”

Gabrielle Zevin book Elsewhere

Source: Elsewhere

Happiness, Books, Sadness, Way

“What incensed him the most was the blatant jokes of the ones that passed it all off as a jest, pretending to understand everything and in reality not knowing their own minds.”

James Joyce Ulysses

Source: Ulysses

Understanding, Reality

“Joking is a barrier between man and the world. Joking is the enemy of love and poetry.”

Milan Kundera book The Book of Laughter and Forgetting

Source: The Book of Laughter and Forgetting

Love, World

“We have to joke about it because the alternative is to be scared”

Suzanne Collins (1962) American television writer and novelist

“Some subjects are so serious that one can only joke about them.”

Werner Heisenberg (1901–1976) German theoretical physicist

Sometimes attributed to Heisenberg, this was actually a statement made by Niels Bohr, as quoted in The Genius of Science: A Portrait Gallery (2000) by Abraham Pais, p. 24
Some things are so serious that one can only joke about them.
Variant without any citation as to author in Denial is not a river in Egypt (1998) by Sandi Bachom, p. 85
Misattributed

“It's always awkward when someone doesn't realize you're joking and devotes thought time to what you've said. Double that when the person is wearing tinfoil.”

Maureen Johnson book Let It Snow

Source: Let It Snow: Three Holiday Romances

Time, Personality

“Life is funny, baby, and that's no joke”

Rachel Cohn book Gingerbread

Source: Gingerbread

Life, Baby

“Would like to join me? (Astrid)
I think I’d look strange in a bikini. (Zarek)
Was that a joke? Can it be you made a real joke? (Astrid)
Yeah, I must be possessed or something. (Zarek)”

Sherrilyn Kenyon book Dance with the Devil

Source: Dance with the Devil

Thinking

“It's easy to joke when you don't care any more. I'm not saying it didn't hurt me, because it did.”

Nicholas Sparks book The Longest Ride

Source: The Longest Ride

Hurt

“Jokes of the proper kind, properly told, can do more to enlighten questions of politics, philosophy, and literature than any number of dull arguments.”

Isaac Asimov (1920–1992) American writer and professor of biochemistry at Boston University, known for his works of science fiction …

Literature, Question

“An untied shoelace can be dangerous,' he said.
'I could have tripped.'
She stared at him. A moment dragged by.
'I'm joking,' he said at last.
She relaxed. 'Really?'
'Absolutely. I would never have tripped. I'm far too graceful.”

Derek Landy (1974) Irish children's writer

Source: Playing with Fire

“He who jokes in the executioners face can be destroyed, but never defeated.”

Tom Robbins book Wild Ducks Flying Backward

Source: Wild Ducks Flying Backward

“Don't answer the door in a wedding dress and veil, he might not think you're joking.”

Amy Sedaris (1961) American comedian

Source: I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence

Thinking, Wedding

“Oh, something is there, waiting for me. Perhaps someday the revelation will burst in upon me and I will see the other side of this monumental grotesque joke. And then I'll laugh. And then I'll know what life is.”

Sylvia Plath (1932–1963) American poet, novelist and short story writer

Source: The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

Life, Waiting

“You aren't angry "
"You must be joking " she said dryly. "I'm alive Nicholas. And I'm immortal like you. This rocks”

Lynsay Sands Canadian writer

Source: The Renegade Hunter

“A joke is a very serious thing.”

Winston S. Churchill (1874–1965) Prime Minister of the United Kingdom

Sometimes attributed to Winston Churchill, it is in fact a slight misquote of "A joke's a very serious thing" from the 1763 poem "The Ghost" by Charles Churchill.
Misattributed

“The joke is, we all have the same punchline.”

Chuck Palahniuk book Survivor

Source: Survivor

“… My point is, I went crazy. When I saw what a black, awful joke the world was. I went crazy as a coot! I admit it! Why can't you?”

Alan Moore book Batman: The Killing Joke

Source: Batman: The Killing Joke

World

“When the missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land. They said "Let us pray." We closed our eyes. When we opened them, we had the Bible and they had the land.
:This quote, often attributed to Jomo Kenyatta, was first written in a fiction play published by holocaust doubter Rolf Hochhuth, in his controversial The Deputy, a Christian tragedy (1964), Grove Press, p. 144. No reference to any historical or original source was given. Other citations are found in books written by critics of religion, such as Christos Tzanetakos's "The Life and Work of an Atheist Pioneer", iUniverse; and Jack Huberman's "Quotable Atheist: Ammunition for Nonbelievers, Political Junkies, Gadflies, and Those Generally Hell-Bound" (2008), 175. No references are given.
: In Desmond Tutu: A Biography (2004) by Steven Gish, p. 101; is clarified Tutu used it as a joke which was not of him.”

Desmond Tutu (1931) South African churchman, politician, archbishop, Nobel Prize winner

Misattributed

Life, Books, Religion, Quotes

“Life must go on, even if it's no joke… just pretend to believe in the future.”

Louis-ferdinand Céline book North

Source: North

Life, Future

“The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.”

Will Rogers (1879–1935) American humorist and entertainer

“A jolly young fellow from Yuma
Told an elephant joke to a puma;
now his skeleton lies
beneath hot western skies-
the puma had no sense of huma”

Ogden Nash (1902–1971) American poet

Sense

“Don't worry, Mrs. Colder. For the most part, we keep him leashed and gagged. We only let him free when the cute little animal jokes are needed.

~Sherra Callahan (on Kane Tyler)~”

Lora Leigh (1965) American writer

Source: Elizabeth's Wolf

Animals, Parting

“As though all the world were a bad joke and she was the only one around who knew the punchline.”

Jack Ketchum The Girl Next Door

Source: The Girl Next Door

World

“as she
drove me through the hills everything screamed inside of
me, and I kept saying as we drove along
(to myself, of course)
fucker, it will pass,
everything passes,
it's all a joke
a joke on you”

Charles Bukowski book The People Look Like Flowers at Last

Source: The People Look Like Flowers at Last

“Life plays the same lovely and agonizing joke on all of us.”

F. Scott Fitzgerald book The Beautiful and Damned

Source: The Beautiful and Damned

Love, Life

“Life is a cruel, horrible joke and I am the punch line.”

Carrie Fisher book Postcards from the Edge

Source: Postcards from the Edge

Life

“Don't worry, I won't bite. Well, at least not in the way you're afraid of." He chuckled at his own joke.
- Christian Ozera.”

Richelle Mead Vampire Academy

Source: Vampire Academy

Way

“If I can't joke about imminent death, then I might as well just resign.”

James A. Owen The Search for the Red Dragon

Source: The Search for the Red Dragon

Death

“Jokes? There are no jokes. The truth is the funniest joke of all.”

Muhammad Ali (1942–2016) African American boxer, philanthropist and activist

Truth

“He was saying that the end of the world wasn't an accident; it was a joke.”

Holly Black book The Coldest Girl in Coldtown

Source: The Coldest Girl in Coldtown

World

“You’re gonna be like Aquaman?” she asked. “Get the fish to fight for you?”

“Thanks,” Percy said. “I haven’t heard enough Aquaman jokes for one lifetime.”

Rick Riordan book The Hidden Oracle

Source: The Hidden Oracle

Fish, Fight

“Italians have a little joke, that the world is so hard a man must have two fathers to look after him, and that's why they have godfathers.”

Mario Puzo The Godfather

Source: The Godfather

World

“i was joking with isabelle about vampires right before it happened. just trying to make her laugh, you know? what freaks out jewish vanpires? silver stars of david? chopped liver? check for eighteen dollars?”

Cassandra Clare book City of Bones

Source: City of Bones

Star

“It's all a joke! Everything anybody ever valued or struggled for… it's all a monstrous, demented gag! So why can't you see the funny side? Why aren't you laughing?”

Alan Moore book Batman: The Killing Joke

Source: Batman: The Killing Joke

“I read once that explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog," Mark said. "You find out how it works, but the frog dies in the process.”

Cassandra Clare book Lady Midnight

Source: Lady Midnight

Reading

“Writing a book has about it some of the anxiety of telling a joke and having to wait several years to know whether or not it was funny.”

Alain de Botton (1969) Swiss writer

Books, Waiting

“Hush, Harry. Or you'll go to the special hell."

I blinked at that, confused. I'm not supposed to be the guy who doesn't get the reference joke, dammit.”

Jim Butcher book Cold Days

Source: Cold Days

Guy, Hell

“Can you ever get off for good behavior?" he joked.
I gave him what I hoped was a seductive smile as I found my seat. "Sure," I called over my shoulder. "If I was ever good.”

Richelle Mead (1976) American writer

Smile, Hope, Behavior

“You know, Ham," Breeze noted. "The only funny thing about your jokes is how often they lack any humor whatsoever.”

Brandon Sanderson (1975) American fantasy writer

Source: The Well of Ascension

“Even in my revenge fantasy where all I do is exercise, I can still do only twenty-five pull-ups. Pull-ups are tough, no joke.”

Mindy Kaling book Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

Source: Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

Exercises, Revenge

“They say the seeds of what we will do are in all of us, but it always seemed to me that in those who make jokes in life the seeds are covered with better soil and with a higher grade of manure.”

Ernest Hemingway book A Moveable Feast

Source: A Moveable Feast (1964), Ch. 11

Life

“So, great. This is Camp…what do you call it? Camp Fish-Blood?”
Aphros frowned. “I hope that was a joke. This is Camp __________.” He made a sound that was a series of sonar pings and hisses.”

Rick Riordan The Mark of Athena

Source: The Mark of Athena

Hope, Fish

“Make it dark, make it grim, make it tough, but then, for the love of God, tell a joke.”

Joss Whedon (1964) American director, writer, and producer for television and film

Love, God

“People are too lazy and too stupid to think for themselves that we've got sitcoms with canned laughter that let's you know when to laugh if you're to stupid to know when the joke is.”

Marilyn Manson (1969) American rock musician and actor

People, Stupidity, Thinking, Laughter

“Well, I live a double life. Tonight, I'll escort you to dinner. Then I have to rush home and finish my calculus homework.'
'You're not joking, are you?'
'I never joke about calculus homework.”

Rick Riordan book The Sword of Summer

Source: The Sword of Summer

Life, Home

“I am Hel,” she agreed. “Sometimes called Hela, though most mortals dare not speak my name at all. No jokes, Magnus Chase? Who the Hel are you? What the Hel do you want? You look Hela bad. I was expecting more bravado.”

Rick Riordan book The Sword of Summer

Source: The Sword of Summer

“Cut out all these exclamation points. An exclamation point is like laughing at your own joke.”

F. Scott Fitzgerald (1896–1940) American novelist and screenwriter

“In the end, we should simply imagine a joke; a long joke that's being continually retold in an accent too thick and too strange to ever be completely understood. Life is that joke. The soul is its punchline.”

Tom Robbins Fierce Invalids Home from Hot Climates

Fierce Invalids Home from Hot Climates (2000)

Life, Soul, Imagination

“The inside jokes weren't jokes anymore. They had become stories. Nobody brought up the bad names or the bad times. And nobody felt sad as long as we could postpone tomorrow with more nostalgia.”

Stephen Chbosky book The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Source: The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Sadness, Nostalgia, Time

“She laughed when there was no joke. She danced when there was no music.
She had no friends, yet she was the friendliest person in school.”

Jerry Spinelli book Stargirl

Source: Stargirl

School, Music, Dance, Personality

“Science is a bit like the joke about the drunk who is looking under a lamppost for a key that he has lost on the other side of the street, because that's where the light is. It has no other choice.”

Noam Chomsky (1928) american linguist, philosopher and activist

Light, Science

“Ah, Signor Halt,' he said uncertainly, 'you are making a joke, yes?'
'He is making a joke, no,' Will said. 'But he likes to think he is making a joke, yes.”

John Flanagan (1873–1938) Irish-American hammer thrower

Source: The Emperor of Nihon-Ja

Thinking

“[Bobby Tom] finally understood Gracie's function in his life. She was God's joke on him.”

Susan Elizabeth Phillips (1948) American writer

Source: Heaven, Texas

Life, God

“There are many here among us who feel that life is but a joke. But you and I, we've been through that, and this is not our fate, so let us not talk falsely now, the hour is getting late.”

Bob Dylan (1941) American singer-songwriter, musician, author, and artist

Song lyrics, John Wesley Harding (1967), All Along the Watchtower
Context: "No reason to get excited," the thief, he kindly spoke
"There are many here among us who feel that life is but a joke
But you and I, we've been through that, and this is not our fate
So let us not talk falsely now, the hour is getting late"

Life, Fate, Feeling, Falseness

“Getting some redecorating ideas?’ Nico asked. ‘Maybe you could do your dining room in mediaeval monk skulls.’
Hades arched an eyebrow. ‘I can never tell when you’re joking.”

Rick Riordan book The Blood of Olympus

Source: The Blood of Olympus

Idea

“It’s a family joke that when I was a tiny child I turned from the window out of which I was watching a snowstorm, and hopefully asked, "Momma, do we believe in winter?"”

Philip Roth book Portnoy's Complaint

Portnoy's Complaint (1969)
Variant: It’s a family joke that when I was a tiny child I turned from the window out of which I was watching a snowstorm, and hopefully asked, "Momma, do we believe in winter?

Family, Winter