Funny quotes

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Andy Rooney photo

„The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.“

—  Andy Rooney writer, humorist, television personality 1919 - 2011

Groucho Marx photo

„Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.“

—  Groucho Marx American comedian 1890 - 1977
Variant: Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies. Apparently attributed to Marx in Bennett Cerf's Try and Stop Me, first published in 1944. A citation of this can been seen in the Kentucky New Era on November 9, 1964 http://news.google.com/newspapers?id=X-orAAAAIBAJ&sjid=ZWcFAAAAIBAJ&pg=4581,3323702&dq=art-of-looking-for-trouble&hl=en. Also attributed to Marx by Rand Paul in "The Long Stand," ch. 1 of Taking a Stand: Moving Beyond Partisan Politics to Unite America (New York, N. Y.: Center Street, 26 May 2015), p. 5. The original quotation belongs to Sir Ernest Benn (Henry Powell Spring, What is Truth?, Orange Press, 1944, p. 31 https://books.google.com/books?id=snxbAAAAMAAJ&q=Ernest+benn+%22Politics+is+the+art+of%22&dq=Ernest+benn+%22Politics+is+the+art+of%22&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0CCMQ6AEwAjgUahUKEwiK3Zm-qojIAhWGVZIKHdFYBqY); a first known citation reportedly appears in the Springfield (MA) Republican on July 27, 1930.

Robert Fulghum photo
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Jane Austen photo

„I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal.“

—  Jane Austen, Jane Austen's Letters
Letter to Cassandra (1798-12-24) [Letters of Jane Austen -- Brabourne Edition]

Neil deGrasse Tyson photo
John F. Kennedy photo

„Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.“

—  John F. Kennedy 35th president of the United States of America 1917 - 1963
As quoted in Mayor (1984) by Ed Koch

Dr. Seuss photo

„Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.“

—  Dr. Seuss American children's writer and illustrator, co-founder of Beginner Books 1904 - 1991
Often attributed to Dr. Seuss without citation; also cited as an anonymous proverb. This quote has also been attributed to Gabriel García Márquez, in Spanish: "No llores porque ya se terminó, sonríe porque sucedió." Compare lines from In Memoriam A.H.H. of Tennyson:   'Tis better to have loved and lost   Than never to have loved at all.

W.B. Yeats photo
Citát „Out of everything I've lost, I miss my mind the most!“
Ozzy Osbourne photo

„Out of everything I've lost, I miss my mind the most!“

—  Ozzy Osbourne English heavy metal vocalist and songwriter 1948

W. H. Auden photo

„We are all on earth to help others. What on earth the others are here for, I can't imagine.“

—  W. H. Auden Anglo-American poet 1907 - 1973
Often cited as by Auden without attribution, this quotation has been traced to John Foster Hall (1867-1945), an English comedian known as the Reverend Vivian Foster, Vicar of Mirth. Full history with sound recording http://audensociety.org/vivianfoster.html

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