Funny quotes

A collection of quotes on the topic of funny.

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Neil deGrasse Tyson photo
Groucho Marx photo
W.C. Fields photo
Jerome K. Jerome photo

„I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.“

—  Jerome K. Jerome English humorist 1859 - 1927
Context: It always does seem to me that I am doing more work than I should do. It is not that I object to the work, mind you; I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. I love to keep it by me: the idea of getting rid of it nearly breaks my heart. Ch. 15.

Jane Austen photo

„I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal.“

—  Jane Austen, Jane Austen's Letters
Letter to Cassandra (1798-12-24) [Letters of Jane Austen -- Brabourne Edition]

Will Rogers photo
Albert Einstein photo

„The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits. “

—  Albert Einstein German-born physicist and founder of the theory of relativity 1879 - 1955

Oscar Wilde photo
Oscar Wilde photo
Mark Twain photo

„Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.“

—  Mark Twain American author and humorist 1835 - 1910
Attributed to Markus Herz by Ernst von Feuchtersleben, Zur Diätetik der Seele (1841), p. 95 First attributed to Twain in 1980s, as in The 637 best things anybody ever said, (1982), Robert Byrne, Atheneum. See talk page for more info.

Woody Allen photo

„It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.“

—  Woody Allen American screenwriter, director, actor, comedian, author, playwright, and musician 1935
" Death (A Play)'s+not+that+I'm+afraid+to+die+I+just+don't+want+to+be+there+when+it+happens%22&pg=PA99#v=onepage".

H.L. Mencken photo

„An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it is also more nourishing.“

—  H.L. Mencken, A Book of Burlesques
"A Few Pages of Notes," The Smart Set (January 1915); later published in A Little Book in C Major (1916)

Robert Frost photo
Winston S. Churchill photo

„You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.“

—  Winston S. Churchill Prime Minister of the United Kingdom 1874 - 1965
Often attributed to Churchill, this thought was originally expressed by the French author Victor Hugo in Villemain (1845), as follows: You have enemies? Why, it is the story of every man who has done a great deed or created a new idea. It is the cloud which thunders around everything that shines. Fame must have enemies, as light must have gnats. Do not bother yourself about it; disdain. Keep your mind serene as you keep your life clear. Villemain is a brief segment taken from Hugo’s Choses Vues (Things Seen), a running journal Hugo kept of events he witnessed. The original French versions of these journals were published after Hugo's death.

Billy Sunday photo

„Going to church on Sunday does not make you a Christian any more than going into a garage makes you an automobile!“

—  Billy Sunday American evangelist and baseball player 1862 - 1935
in Press, Radio, Television, Periodicals, Public Relations, and Advertising, As Seen through Institutes and Special Occasions of the Henry W. Grady School of Journalism (1967) edited by John Eldridge Drewry.