Funny quotes

A collection of quotes on the topic of funny.

Related topics

Total 236 quotes funny, filter:


Ronald Reagan photo

„Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours. And recovery is when Jimmy Carter loses his.“

—  Ronald Reagan American politician, 40th president of the United States (in office from 1981 to 1989) 1911 - 2004

Speech in Jersey City, New Jersey (1 September 1980) http://www.slate.com/id/2201249/
1980s
Context: Let it show on the record that when the American people cried out for economic help, Jimmy Carter took refuge behind a dictionary. Well, if it's a definition he wants, I'll give him one. A recession is when your neighbor loses his job. A depression is when you lose yours. And recovery is when Jimmy Carter loses his.

Mark Twain photo
Blaise Pascal photo

„I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.“

—  Blaise Pascal French mathematician, physicist, inventor, writer, and Christian philosopher 1623 - 1662

Often misattributed to Twain, this is actually by Blaise Pascal, "Lettres provinciales", letter 16, 1657:
Je n'ai fait celle-ci plus longue que parce que je n'ai pas eu le loisir de la faire plus courte.
Translation: I have only made this [letter] longer, because I have not had the opportunity to make it shorter.
Misattributed
Source: The Provincial Letters

W.B. Yeats photo
Salvador Dalí photo
A.A. Milne photo
Indíra Gándhí photo
George Bernard Shaw photo

„Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.“

—  Dale Carnegie, book How to Stop Worrying and Start Living

Source: How to Stop Worrying and Start Living (1948), p. 237. Part 8 : How I Conquered Worry,

Victor Hugo photo

„You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.“

—  Victor Hugo, book Things Seen

Often attributed to Churchill, this thought was originally expressed by the French author Victor Hugo in Villemain (1845), as follows: You have enemies? Why, it is the story of every man who has done a great deed or created a new idea. It is the cloud which thunders around everything that shines. Fame must have enemies, as light must have gnats. Do not bother yourself about it; disdain. Keep your mind serene as you keep your life clear.
Villemain is a brief segment taken from Hugo’s Choses Vues (Things Seen), a running journal Hugo kept of events he witnessed. The original French versions of these journals were published after Hugo's death.
Misattributed

Help us translate English quotes

Discover interesting quotes and translate them.

Start translating
Lawrence Ferlinghetti photo
Ashleigh Brilliant photo
Will Rogers photo
Ernest Hemingway photo
George Burns photo

„Happiness is having a loving, close knit family in another city.“

—  George Burns American comedian, actor, and writer 1896 - 1996

As quoted in The Mammoth Book of Zingers, Quips, and One-Liners (2004) by Geoff Tibballs, p. 251

„Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.“

—  Laurence J. Peter Canadian eductor 1919 - 1990

Source: Peter's Quotations: Ideas for Our Time (1977), p. 362

Harland Sanders photo

„I'm too drunk to taste this chicken“

—  Harland Sanders American entrepreneur and businessman 1890 - 1980

Neil deGrasse Tyson photo
Dr. Seuss photo

„Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.“

—  Dr. Seuss American children's writer and illustrator, co-founder of Beginner Books 1904 - 1991

Often attributed to Dr. Seuss without citation; also cited as an anonymous proverb.
This quote has also been attributed to Gabriel García Márquez, in Spanish: "No llores porque ya se terminó, sonríe porque sucedió."
Compare lines from In Memoriam A.H.H. of Tennyson:
  'Tis better to have loved and lost
  Than never to have loved at all.
Disputed
Variant: Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.

Groucho Marx photo

„Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Etiam egestas wisi a erat. Morbi imperdiet, mauris ac auctor dictum.“