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Rita Rudner Quotes

Rita Rudner is an American comedian. Beginning her career as a Broadway dancer, Rita Rudner noticed the lack of female comedians in New York City and turned to stand-up comedy where she has flourished for over three decades. Her performance on a variety of HBO specials and numerous appearances on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson, helped establish Rudner as one of the premier comics to emerge from the comedy boom of the 1980s. Wikipedia  

✵ 17. September 1953  •  Other names Rita Rudnerová
Rita Rudner photo
Rita Rudner: 19 quotes3 likes

Famous Rita Rudner Quotes

“I love being married, I do. It's so great to find that one special person that you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”

Rita Rudner

Best of the Improv, Vol. 3 (2003)

“I love to sleep. Do you? Isn't it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious.”

Rita Rudner

“Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replay in sports. They've already forgotten what's happened.”

Rita Rudner

“I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen”

Rita Rudner

“Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.”

Rita Rudner

Rita Rudner Quotes about men

“Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attract men? Men don't like flowers. I have a great idea for a scent that will attract men — how about "New Car Interior?"”

Rita Rudner

Essay 16: "Flirting with Success", p. 61
Naked Beneath My Clothes (1992)

“Well, the old theory was "marry an older man because they're more mature". But the new theory is "men don't mature — marry a young one".”

Rita Rudner

Best of the Improv, Vol. 3 (2003)

Rita Rudner Quotes

“How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue… and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?”

Rita Rudner

“Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary; the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into the pouch, and proceeds to mature. I'd have a baby if it would develop in my handbag.”

Rita Rudner

On pregnancy and childbirth
Essay 2, p. 7-8
Naked Beneath My Clothes (1992)

“We did long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we decided to buy a dog. Cheaper, and… get more feet.”

Rita Rudner

When Dr. Katz asks whether she and her husband have discussed children
Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist, "Real Estate" [2.02], 29 October 1995

“I had teeth that stuck out so far, I used to eat other kids' candy bars by accident.”

Rita Rudner

Essay 42: "Fillings Nothing … More Than Fillings", p. 151
Naked Beneath My Clothes (1992)

“[One of my friends] was in labor for 36 hours. (I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.)”

Rita Rudner

On childbirth
Essay 2, p. 7
Naked Beneath My Clothes (1992)

“To me, life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.”

Rita Rudner

On pregnancy
Essay 2: "How Can I Have Morning Sickness When I Don't Get Up 'Til Noon"?, p. 6
Naked Beneath My Clothes (1992)
Source: [Rudner, Rita, Naked Beneath My Clothes, 1992, Viking Penguin, New York, ISBN 0-670-84462-4, 162 pp.]

“Nobody is really happy with what's on their head. People with straight hair want curly, people with curly want straight, and bald people want everyone to be blind.”

Rita Rudner

Essay 7: "Should I Get My Head Analyzed or Just My Hair?", p. 24
Naked Beneath My Clothes (1992)

“I don't even know how this word came into being: "aerobics". I guess gym instructors got together and said, "If we're going to charge ten dollars an hour, we can't call it 'jumping up and down'."”

Rita Rudner

Essay 4: "Survival of the Fattest", p. 18
Naked Beneath My Clothes (1992)

“I don't even know how this word came into being: "aerobics."”

Rita Rudner

I guess gym instructors got together and said, "If we're going to charge ten dollars an hour, we can't call it 'jumping up and down'."
Essay 4: "Survival of the Fattest", p. 18
Naked Beneath My Clothes (1992)

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