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George Burns Quotes

George Burns was an American comedian, actor, singer, and writer. He was one of the few entertainers whose career successfully spanned vaudeville, radio, film and television. His arched eyebrow and cigar-smoke punctuation became familiar trademarks for over three-quarters of a century. He and his wife, Gracie Allen, appeared on radio, television, and film as the comedy duo Burns and Allen.

At age 79, Burns had a sudden career revival as an amiable, beloved and unusually active comedy elder statesman in the 1975 film The Sunshine Boys, for which he won the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor. Burns, who became a centenarian in 1996, continued to work until just weeks before his death of cardiac arrest at his home in Beverly Hills. Wikipedia  

✵ 20. January 1896 – 9. March 1996
George Burns photo
George Burns: 22 quotes23 likes

Famous George Burns Quotes

“Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.”

George Burns

“When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.”

George Burns

“You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.”

George Burns

“Happiness is having a loving, close knit family in another city.”

George Burns

As quoted in The Mammoth Book of Zingers, Quips, and One-Liners (2004) by Geoff Tibballs, p. 251

“Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.”

George Burns

Life magazine (December 1979) http://books.google.com/books?id=w5-GR-qtgXsC&pg=PA117&dq=%22Too+bad+that+all+the+people+who+know+how+to+run+the+country+are+busy+driving+taxicabs+and+cutting+hair.%22&sig=uj07kFeO7wja3cpTdX31dWR_pjs

George Burns Quotes

“I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.”

George Burns

“Sincerity - if you can fake that, you've got it made.”

George Burns

Variant: Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

“The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.”

George Burns

“Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.”

George Burns

“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”

George Burns

“No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.”

George Burns

More Unkempt Thoughts (1964)

“You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.”

George Burns

“Young. Old. Just Words.”

George Burns

“At my age, all my friends, doctors, and attorneys are dead. The good thing about this is that there's no one left who can refute my stories.”

George Burns

“When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.”

George Burns

Just You and Me Kid (1979)

“I've had worried parents come up to me and ask me for advice. They'll say "I don't know what to do. My teenage son won't cut his hair, he drives too fast, and I don't know what that stuff is he listens to, but it sure isn't music." I'll just say to them "I wouldn't lose any sleep over it. By the time he's my age, I don't think you'll need to worry about him anymore."”

George Burns

Living It Up: Or, They Still Love Me in Altoona! (1976)

“If I paid $3 or $4 for a cigar, first I'd sleep with it.”

George Burns

Undated clip played on CNN Larry King Live (4 July 2003)

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