Quotes about ass (108 quotes) | Quotes of famous people

“Listen, if you guys wanna move around and shift your asses a little, it's okay. It's okay by us, right? You can take all your clothes off if you like too, doesn't matter... Fuck off!”

Freddie Mercury (1946–1991) British singer, songwriter and record producer

laughs
During a concert in Montreal, Canada, (24 or 25 November 1981), first released as videotape We Will Rock You (1984) http://www.ultimatequeen.co.uk/Videos/wewillrock.htm, and later on DVD as Queen Rock Montreal (2007).

Guy , Clothes

“Right. I can’t speak to, agree with, even look at someone from a particular political party.
Ppl aren’t human any more.
If you’re black & a Democrat tells u to shove marbles up ur ass, you simply have to.
If another party tells u to look out for that bus, stand there & get hit”

Nicki Minaj (1982) Trinidadian-born American singer, rapper and actress

Source: 15 September 2021 tweet https://twitter.com/NICKIMINAJ/status/1438256221660663812

“And I still won't grow up, I'm a grown-ass kid
Swear I should be locked up for stupid shit that I did
But I'm a champion, so I turned tragedy to triumph
Make music that's fire, spit my soul through the wire.”

Kanye West (1977) American rapper, singer and songwriter

Through the Wire
Lyrics, The College Dropout (2004)

Soul , Stupidity , Music

“It lost ground from contempt more than from hatred; and was rather jeered at as an ass, than dreaded as a lion. This is the general character of aristocracy, or what are called Nobles or Nobility, or rather No-ability, in all countries.”

Thomas Paine book Rights of Man

Part 1.3 Rights of Man
1790s, Rights of Man, Part I (1791)

Country

“We talk to these folks because they potentially have the best answers, so I know whose ass to kick.”

Barack Obama (1961) 44th President of the United States of America

I would have fired BP chief by now, Obama says http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/37566848/ns/disaster_in_the_gulf/ (June 8, 2010)
2010, 2010 Deepwater Horizon oil spill (April 2010)

“Leave the ass burdened with laws behind in the valley. But your conscience, let it ascend with Isaac into the mountain.”

Martin Luther (1483–1546) seminal figure in Protestant Reformation

Source: Commentary on the Epistle to the Galatians (1535), Chapter 2, Verse 14

Mountain , Law

“During the Vietnam War, Abbie Hoffman announced that the new high was banana peels taken rectally. So then FBI scientists stuffed banana peels up their asses to find out if this was true or not.”

Kurt Vonnegut book A Man Without a Country

A Man Without a Country (2005)

War

“This last summer, when I was on my way back to Vienna from the Appetite-Cure in the mountains, I fell over a cliff in the twilight, and broke some arms and legs and one thing or another, and by good luck was found by some peasants who had lost an ass, and they carried me to the nearest habitation, which was one of those large, low, thatch-roofed farm-houses, with apartments in the garret for the family, and a cunning little porch under the deep gable decorated with boxes of bright colored flowers and cats; on the ground floor a large and light sitting-room, separated from the milch-cattle apartment by a partition; and in the front yard rose stately and fine the wealth and pride of the house, the manure-pile. That sentence is Germanic, and shows that I am acquiring that sort of mastery of the art and spirit of the language which enables a man to travel all day in one sentence without changing cars.”

Mark Twain Christian Science

Book I, Ch. 1 http://www.gutenberg.org/files/3187/3187-h/3187-h.htm#link2H_4_0002
Christian Science (1907)

Family , Housing , Light , Mountain

“America is all about speed. Hot, nasty, bad-ass speed.”

Eleanor Roosevelt (1884–1962) American politician, diplomat, and activist, and First Lady of the United States

Deliberately misattributed for comic effect in the opening of the film Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006)
Misattributed

Bad luck , Speed

“Large breasts are associated with feminine women, regardless of the slenderness of their hips. The capacity of a milk container cannot be told by its outside dimensions. Femininity is more accurately displayed by generous hips. Guess you can tell I favor women with big asses. All Democrat women have made themselves big asses, welcome.”

Anton LaVey book The Devil's Notebook

The Devil's Notebook (1992)

Women

“I used to be a hide-bound Tory simply for traditional and antiquarian reasons—and because I had never done any real thinking on civics and industry and the future. The depression—and its concomitant publicisation of industrial, financial, and governmental problems—jolted me out of my lethargy and led me to reëxamine the facts of history in the light of unsentimental scientific analysis; and it was not long before I realised what an ass I had been. The liberals at whom I used to laugh were the ones who were right—for they were living in the present while I had been living in the past. They had been using science while I had been using romantic antiquarianism. At last I began to recognise something of the way in which capitalism works—always piling up concentrated wealth and impoverishing the bulk of the population until the strain becomes so intolerable as to force artificial reform.”

H.P. Lovecraft (1890–1937) American author

Letter to Jennie K. Plaiser (8 July 1936), quoted in "H.P. Lovecraft, a Life" by S.T. Joshi, p. 564
Non-Fiction, Letters

History , Light , Past , Future

“My thoughts ran a wool-gathering; and I did like the countryman who looked for his ass while he was mounted on his back.”

Miguel de Cervantes (1547–1616) Spanish novelist, poet, and playwright

Source: Don Quixote de la Mancha (1605–1615), Part II (1615), Book III, Ch. 57.

“KISS is the number-one American band in gold-record sales. In the world, only the Beatles and the Stones are ahead of us. Every other band should be wiping my ass. The line forms over there to the left.”

Gene Simmons (1949) Israeli-born American rock bass guitarist, singer-songwriter, record producer, entrepreneur, and actor

What I've Learned (July 2002)

World , Kiss

“My butt-crack showing is like my trademark. I wear my pants loose, and lately Ive been so busy Ive lost a few pounds. My ass-crack is always showing!”

Avril Lavigne (1984) Canadian singer-songwriter and actress

on MTV show in 2002

Business

“I can honestly say, all the bad things that ever happened to me were directly, directly attributed to drugs and alcohol. I mean, I would never piss on a piece of stone at the fucking Alamo at nine o'clock in the morning dressed in a woman's evening dress sober. I mean I know I'm a fucking crazy-ass but still.”

Ozzy Osbourne (1948) English heavy metal vocalist and songwriter

MTV News Online, 1992.

Bad luck , Alcohol

“It was in the reign of Charles II that they obtained the noble distinction of being exempted from giving their testimony on oath in a court of justice, and being believed on their bare affirmation. On this occasion the chancellor, who was a man of wit, spoke to them as follows: "Friends, Jupiter one day ordered that all the beasts of burden should repair to be shod. The asses represented that their laws would not allow them to submit to that operation. 'Very well,' said Jupiter; 'then you shall not be shod; but the first false step you make, you may depend upon being severely drubbed.'"”

Voltaire (1694–1778) French writer, historian, and philosopher

The History of the Quakers (1762)

Justice , Law , Dependency , Falseness

“Suppose an ass had kicked me, would you have had me bring an action against him?”

Socrates (-470–-399 BC) classical Greek Athenian philosopher

Diogenes Laertius

“Soon as they like you make 'em unlike you
Cause kissing people's ass is so unlike you.”

Kanye West (1977) American rapper, singer and songwriter

I Am a God
Lyrics, Yeezus (2013)

People , Kiss

“I'm living in the future so the present is my past.
My presence is a present, kiss my ass.”

Kanye West (1977) American rapper, singer and songwriter

Monster
Lyrics, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy (2010)

Past , Future , Kiss

“Sitting still is a pain in the ass.”

Noah Levine (1971) American Buddhist teacher

Against the Stream (2007)

Pain

“I’ve been through a lot of hearings about one damn thing and another. Most of the time they’re exercises in ass covering. If the unvarnished truth ever came out at one, it would be because someone screwed up.”

Daniel Abraham (1969) speculative fiction writer from the United States

Source: Caliban's War (2012), Chapter 9 (pp. 93-94)

Truth , Time , Exercises

“The Devil is an Ass, I do acknowledge it.”

Ben Jonson (1572–1637) English writer

"Pug"; Act IV, scene 4
The Devil Is an Ass (performed 1616; published 1631)

“Our congress should call upon the whole party to be vigilant and to see that no comrade at any post is divorced from the asses. It should teach every comrade to love the people and listen attentively to the voice of the masses; to identify himself with the masses wherever he goes and, instead of standing above them, to immerse himself among them; and, according to their present level, to awaken them or raise their political consciousness and help them gradually to organize themselves voluntarily and to set going all essential struggles permitted by the internal and external circumstances of the given time and place.”

Mao Zedong (1893–1976) Chairman of the Central Committee of the Communist Party of China

On Coalition Government (1945)

Time , Help , People , Love

“Do you think I’d roll over and spray crap out my ass and show my belly and piss on myself and bow down to you? You just summoned war. So get ready. And I’m just asking the Pentagon and the patriots that are left and 4Chan and 8Chan and Anonymous and anybody that’s a patriot. I am under attack. And if they bring me down, they’ll bring you down. I just have faith in you. I’m under attack. And I summon the meme war, I summon it all against the enemy. I will never sell out to these people.”

Alex Jones (1974) American radio host, author, conspiracy theorist and filmmaker

Alex Jones Setup With Child Porn In Sandy Hook Case, Offers Reward https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=430&v=Z5RS-Mu5Vb8 The Alex Jones Show, June 14, 2019
2019

War , Thinking , People , Faith

“Ben Shapiro is the herpes on our ass.”

Alex Jones (1974) American radio host, author, conspiracy theorist and filmmaker

Alex Jones Annihilates Ben Shapiro https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hV7HL8TIcaY, The Alex Jones Show, May 3 2018.
2018

“If you want to remain on this detail, get your fucking ass over here and grab those bags.”

Hillary Clinton (1947) American politician, senator, Secretary of State, First Lady

To an agent, as reported in The First Partner: Hillary Rodham Clinton (1999) by Joyce Milton, p. 259
Attributed

“Oh, universe! Pitiful spectacle! Aggregation of tragedy, somnambulism, inhumanity, terrorism, and death! It makes one long to seal up his sensibilities and leap out into the gulfs and be swallowed up. The handiwork of an all-wise biophilist? Rhapsody of an idiot! Gods? No! The monstrous kindergarten of an idle-pated knave! A Satanic prank! The surreptitious handiwork of an ass! A universe is, indeed, to be pitied whose dominating inhabitants are so unconscious and so ethically embryonic that they make life a commodity, mercy a disease, and systematic massacre a pastime and a profession.”

J. Howard Moore (1862–1916)

Source: Better-World Philosophy: A Sociological Synthesis (1899), The Preponderance of Egoism, pp. 131–132

God , Making love , Universe , Life

“I think the American people want a solemn ass as a President and I think I will go along with them.”

Calvin Coolidge (1872–1933) American politician, 30th president of the United States (in office from 1923 to 1929)

To Ethel Barrymore, as quoted in Greenberg, David (2006). Calvin Coolidge. The American Presidents Series. Times Books. ISBN 978-0-8050-6957-0, p. 60.
1920s

Thinking , People

“Originality is going back to the place where you were what you were—and finding an empty chair. Would you gladly sit on it? No, thank you. It is empty for a reason. That’s where my ass was. Not where my head is now.”

Giannina Braschi book United States of Banana

United States of Banana (2011)

“FEMA? I always thought it was a bone here in your ass.”

Lewis Black (1948) American stand-up comedian, author, playwright, social critic and actor

Red, White, and Screwed (2006)

“Maybe there are a group of gay banditos… who, every night climb into a van and go from village to dell, from community to community. They wander, and as the sun is coming down, just setting over a suburban village, the gays drive in. And there in a cul-de-sac, there in the light of a house, you can see a young American family, sitting down for their evening meal. And those gays… put on their masks and their festive colored robes, and sneak slowly into the house… and begin to FUCK EACH OTHER IN THE ASS! AND ANOTHER AMERICAN FAMILY IS DESTROYED!”

Lewis Black (1948) American stand-up comedian, author, playwright, social critic and actor

The Carnegie Hall Performance (2006)

Family , Housing , Night , Light

“Give my ass a little kiss, kiss it!”

Chuck Berry (1926–2017) American rock-and-roll musician

Kiss

“Pray, O pray to God, dear friends, if you are not already asses — that he will cause you to become asses… There is none who praiseth not the golden age when men were asses: they knew not how to work the land. One knew not how to dominate another, one understood no more than another; caves and caverns were their refuge; they were not so well covered nor so jealous nor were they confections of lust and of greed. Everything was held in common.”

Giordano Bruno (1548–1600) Italian philosopher, mathematician and astronomer

Cabal of the Cheval Pegasus (1585)

God , Age , Men

“The second doctrine of the Perennial Philosophy — that it is possible to know the Divine Ground by a direct intuition higher than discursive reasoning — is to be found in all the great religions of the world. A philosopher who is content merely to know about the ultimate Reality — theoretically and by hearsay — is compared by Buddha to a herdsman of other men’s cows. Mohammed uses an even homelier barnyard metaphor. For him the philosopher who has not realized his metaphysics is just an ass bearing a load of books. Christian, Hindu, Taoist teachers wrote no less emphatically about the absurd pretensions of mere learning and analytic reasoning.”

Aldous Huxley (1894–1963) English writer

Introduction to the Bhagavad-Gita (1944)

Religion , Learning , Teachers , Books

“It was only when you walked away I saw you had the perfect ass. Forgive me for not falling in love with your face or your conversation.”

Leonard Cohen book The Energy of Slaves

The Energy of Slaves (1972)

Forgiveness , Perfection , Love , Making love

“Shut the hell up you bitch ass nigga. You will continue to run this country further into the ground and risk lives every time you breathe. You’re not the president. Just a dumpster full of hate. FOH. Sick to my stomach that literal shit currently represents America to the world.”

Jussie Smollett (1982) American actor, singer, director and photographer

11 January 2018 https://twitter.com/JussieSmollett/status/951681671027404800, also regarding Donald Trump

Hell , Hate , Time , Country

“Apart from the fact there is no normal standard of health, nobody has proved that man is necessarily cheerful by nature. And further, man, by the very fact of being man, of possessing consciousness, is, in comparison with the ass or the crab, a diseased animal. Consciousness is a disease.”

Miguel de Unamuno book The Tragic Sense of Life

The Tragic Sense of Life (1913), I : The Man of Flesh and Bone

Animals , Nature , Health , Disease

“It was probably like two to three years ago. I went vegan for a couple of months, just to lose weight immediately. It wasn’t for the moral aspect back then. It was more because once you go vegan, it sheds the bad fat real fast. I do that before the season, but I’ve been fully vegan for about five to six months now since the season started, and probably a month before. … When I do things, I just fully commit to it. I feel like there is no point in half-assing. I just do it, and if I don’t like it, I just stop doing it. It’s been good. I was losing weight and getting more cut, as you can see, and I just felt really good. … You just feel really good, lighter. And there is a lot more energy you have throughout the day. For me, it’s been good from that aspect.”

JaVale McGee (1988) American basketball player

"The Real-Life Diet of JaVale McGee, Vegan" https://www.gq.com/story/javale-mcgee-real-life-diet, interview with GQ (February 27, 2018).

Bad luck , Feeling , Season

“I think if you are a chef who thinks that vegan cooking has less taste and flavor than other foods than that just speaks to your own inability. Vegetables can stand on their own they don’t need all your duck blood on them, thank you. Also people tend to think vegans are emaciated self sacrificing, well tell that to my big ass jew hips.”

Isa Chandra Moskowitz (1973) American food writer

" Isa Chandra Moskowitz, Creator, Post Punk Kitchen, Author, Vegan With a Vengeance http://gothamist.com/2005/11/03/isa_chandra_moskowitz_creator_post_punk_kitchen_author_vegan_with_a_vengeance.php". Interview by Rachel Kramer Bussel for Gothamist, November 3, 2005

Food , People , Self-confidence , Thinking

“Slavery in the British colonies of North America was more than a century-and-a-half old before independence. It was roundly condemned, at one time or another, by nearly all the important political personages of the Revolution. I know of no instance in which any of these personages contradicted the doctrine of the Declaration, or maintained that slavery was a positive good. We must recognize, however, that slavery next to the family was perhaps the oldest institution of civilized mankind. Its origin in the ancient world came with the discovery that it was more profitable to enslave an enemy defeated in war than to kill him. The ancient law of the ancient city may be seen in the Bible. When the Israelites conquered Jericho, they put to the sword everyone in the city—men and women, young and old, sheep, oxen, and asses. Only Rahab the harlot and her family were spared, since they had given shelter to the Israelite spies. Later, in the custom of ancient warfare, the males of a defeated people would all be killed, but the women and children would be carried into slavery. Eventually the entire population of a defeated people would be enslaved. Such are the steps in the human story. That defeat in war meant slavery was the rule for many thousands of years.”

Harry V. Jaffa (1918–2015) American historian and collegiate professor

2000s, God Bless America (2008), Slavery and the Human Story

Family , Time , Law , War

“Training of bulls, bears, horses, and other animals, for the purpose of baiting them with dogs, was certainly practiced by the jugglers; and this vicious pastime has the sanction of high antiquity. Fitz-Stephen, who lived in the reign of Henry II, tells us that, in the forenoon of every holiday, during the winter season, the young Londoners were amused with boars opposed to each other in battle, or with bulls and full-grown bears baited by dogs. This author makes no mention of horses; and I believe the baiting of these noble and useful animals was never a general practice: it was, however, no doubt, partially performed…Asses also were treated with the same inhumanity; but probably the poor beasts did not afford sufficient sport in the tormenting, and therefore were seldom brought forward as the objects of this barbarous diversion.”

Joseph Strutt (1749–1802) British engraver, artist, antiquary and writer

pg. 256
The Sports and Pastimes of the People of England (1801), Public entertainment

Sport , Dogs , Holiday , Season

“When beasts went together in companies, there was said to be a pride of lions; a lepe of leopards; an herd of harts, of bucks, and of all sorts of deer; a bevy of roes; a sloth of bears; a singular of boars; a sownder of wild swine; a dryft of tame swine; a route of wolves; a harras of horses; a rag of colts; a stud of mares; a pace of asses; a baren of mules, a team of oxen; a drove of kine; a flock of sheep; a tribe of goats; a sculk of foxes; a cete of badgers; a richess of martins; a fesynes of ferrets; a huske or a down of hares; a nest of rabbits; a clower of cats, and a kendel of young cats; a shrewdness of apes; and a labour of moles.”

Joseph Strutt (1749–1802) British engraver, artist, antiquary and writer

pg. 22
The Sports and Pastimes of the People of England (1801), Collective nouns

Cats , Horse , Swine

“This is just so typical of you, Alwin, to be in love with a giant ass.”

Rudy Rucker (1946) American mathematician, computer scientist, science fiction author and philosopher

Source: The Sex Sphere (1983), p. 111

Love , Making love

“Just how far up your ass is your head?!”

Rene Balcer (1954) screenwriter, producer and director

DA Jack McCoy in the Law & Order episode Rubber Room.
Law & Order

“Imagine being told that it hadn’t mattered whether the Christians or the Moors got Spain! I can still remember my shock. I got over it fairly quickly, though, because by that time I had learned enough history to know that in the long run it never mattered a damn where any particular race of people planted its collective ass.”

Kage Baker book In the Garden of Iden

Source: In the Garden of Iden (1997), Chapter 5 (p. 45)

Imagination , Time , History , People

“A few months back Major Terry and his pet student, Drosen, had brought in a guy from San Diego to play chess with me. I’d had no idea that he was rated and was really good, so I’d beaten his ass real fast. He’d gotten all mad at Major Terry and Drosen for not telling him that I was as good as I was. He’d accused them of setting him up to publicly embarrass him. I’d had no idea what the big fuss was all about. I hadn’t even realized that there was such a thing as tournaments and championships for chess just like we had in wrestling. I’d quit playing chess at school after that incident. Now I only played at home with my dad’s older friends, Roberto and Salvador Montoya, who’d both been very good chess players in Mexico City. I beat Roberto almost all the time, but his older brother Salvador beat me pretty regularly. And I’d recently been told that Salvador had been so good that he’d once gone to Cuba to play and that he’d come in third among some of the best international players in the world.”

Victor Villaseñor (1940) American writer

Crazy Loco Love: A Memoir (2008)

School , Home , Time , World

“Harvey was not especially introspective, but this didn’t mean he was stupid. He was moral, within his lights; he understood the value of subtlety even if he wasn’t much for it himself, and one of the reasons he could get away with being loud and obnoxious was that he was a fair stick at strategy and logistics. Give him a job and he’d do it, usually in the most entropy-producing way possible, yes, but also in a way that achieved exactly the aim it was supposed to. One of Harvey’s guiding lights in terms of strategies was simplicity; all things being equal, Harvey preferred the course of action that let him get into the middle of things and then just buckle down. When asked about it, Harvey called it his Occam’s razor theory of combat: The simplest way of kicking someone’s ass was usually the correct one.”

John Scalzi book The Ghost Brigades

Source: The Ghost Brigades (2006), Chapter 14 (p. 315)

Way , Stupidity , Light

“Gritter thought it was about time the complacent louts at the top of the heap got to have a genuine red-hot poker up the ass.”

Justina Robson book Natural History

Source: Natural History (2003), Chapter 21 “The Big Debate” (p. 219)

Time

“In the relics of the saints the Lord Christ has provided us with saving fountains which in many ways pour out benefactions and gush with fragrant ointment. And let no one disbelieve. For, if by the will of God water poured out of the precipitous living rock in the desert, and for the thirsty Sampson from the jawbone of an ass, is it unbelievable that fragrant ointment should flow from the relics of the martyrs? Certainly not, at least for such as know the power of God and the honor which the saints have from Him.”

John of Damascus (676–749) hymnodist at Mar Saba, Greek Church father, Eastern Orthodox Saint

In Saint John of Damascus: Writings (The Fathers Of The Church A New Translation Vol. 37), 1958, 1999, Frederic H. Chase, Trans.

Way , Water , God , Christ

“If life turns her back on you, grab her ass.”

Nélson Rodrigues (1912–1980) Brazilian writer and playwright

"Flor de Obsessão: as 1000 melhores frases de Nelson Rodrigues" - Published by Companhia das Letras, 1992 ISBN 8571646678, 9788571646674

Life

“It was the kind of experience, Molly said, that would grow calluses on an angel’s ass.”

Robert Charles Wilson book Spin

Source: Spin (2005), p. 204

Angels

“You are nothing but a crazy ass jerk!”

Wesley Willis (1963–2003) American singer-songwriter

You Fucked That Man's Car Up
Lyrics, Solo

Jerk

“A player from Man City showed half of his ass for two seconds and it was a big nightmare. But this is a real nightmare.”

José Mourinho (1963) Portuguese association football player and manager

Comparing Petr Cech's nasty injury with Joey Barton's bottom-baring antics.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/funny_old_game/7004282.stm
Chelsea FC

“What better emblem for our nation, after all, than a level playing field, shaped like an octagon, where people of diverse cultural ass-kicking traditions can meet as equals and immediately start kicking ass.”

John Hodgman book The Areas of My Expertise

June 11, 2007
The Areas of My Expertise (2005), Appearances on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

People

“There are moments of clarity daily. They open me up with a breath and keep me calm. They feed me the answers. And they hold me lovingly. They are gospelstiches. My childish ass has got to let them heal. This feud I’m having with myself isn’t even original. But it is thick and rooted. Here’s to today, slowing down, suspending judgment, and breast strokes through chaos.”

Buddy Wakefield (1974) American poet

"Growing up Slowly"
Poetry

“There’s something wonderful about drinking in the afternoon. A not-too-cold pint, absolutely alone at the bar – even in this fake-ass Irish pub.”

Anthony Bourdain (1956–2018) Chef and food writer

Medium Raw (2010)

Drink

“When my time on earth is gone and my activities here are past, I want they bury me upside down, and my critics can kiss my ass.”

Bobby Knight (1940–2023) American college basketball coach and former player

From a public address given by Knight at Indiana University. As reported by BBC Sports, Knight moves to Texas http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/other_sports/1236191.stm, by Kevin Asseo, 22 March, 2001. The quotation can be heard on "Bob Knight Sportscenter Top 10 Soundbites". The quotation may be attributed to a longer poem from a 1970's velvet blacklight poster, titled "My Critics RIP - Ross", that depicted a drawing of a man laying face down with lipstick covering his bare buttocks.

Past , Time , Kiss

“I get satisfaction of three kinds. One is creating something, one is being paid for it and one is the feeling that I haven’t just been sitting on my ass all afternoon.”

William F. Buckley Jr. (1925–2008) American conservative author and commentator

As quoted in The Book of Positive Quotations (2007) by John Cook.

Feeling

“Cracker-ass? Are you calling me cracker-ass, nigga?!”

Michael Richards (1949) American actor

Laugh Factory incident (2006)

“I have about half a second to make a crucial decision: I can either sprint and hope I make it there before I shit in my boxers, or I can stick my thumb up into my ass and shuffle the 60 yards to lavatory freedom.”

Tucker Max (1975) Internet personality; blogger; author

The Austin Road Trip http://www.tuckermax.com/archives/entries/date/the_austin_road_trip.phtml#281,
The Tucker Max Stories

Decision , Making love , Hope , Freedom

“The thing that distinguishes social systems from physical or even biological systems is their incomparable (and embarrassing) richness in special cases. Generalizations in the social sciences are mere pathways which lead through a riotous forest of individual trees, each a species unto itself. The social scientist who loses this sense of the essential individuality and uniqueness of each case is all too likely to make a solemn scientific ass of himself, especially if he thinks that his faceless generalizations are the equivalents of the rich variety of the world.”

Kenneth E. Boulding (1910–1993) British-American economist

Boulding (1958) "Evidences for an Administrative Science: A review of the Administrative Science Quarterly, volumes 1 and 2". In Administrative Science Quarterly. vol. 3, no. 1, pp. 14
1950s

Tree , Thinking , Sense , World

“Jackson, pistols drawn, lurched into the street vowing to shoot the ass off Jesus Christ, the longlegged white son of a bitch.”

Cormac McCarthy book Blood Meridian

Blood Meridian (1985)

Bitch , Christ

“This is a car that allows you to adjust the temperature of your ass.”

Jonathan Larson (1960–1996) American composer and playwright

tick, tick... BOOM! (1990)

Cars

“My dad also survived five divorces, and the women he married cleaned his ass out every time.”

Christopher Titus (1964) actor, writer, podcaster

I used to think my dad got divorced because he wanted new furniture. At one point in my life, all we had left was a wooden box, a 12" black-and-white TV, and a four-man rubber raft for a couch. And yet, I was the coolest kid in third grade. (imitating a kid): "Mom, can we have a sleepover in Christopher Titus' house? They have a raft in the living room! We can row to breakfast in the morning. I can actually be Captain Crunch!"
Norman Rockwell is Bleeding (2004)

Time , Women

“They should call the good man an ass! They should call the bad ass a man! ]]Ironically]] … to speak thus of you, so smart, friend of the old and the young, of the stream and the butterfly, of the sun and the dog, of the flower and the moon, patient and thoughtful, melancholic and lovable, the Marcus Aurelius of the fields…”

Juan Ramón Jimenéz (1881–1958) Spanish poet

Source: ‪Platero and I‬ (1917), Ch. 55: "Donkeyography" as translated by Antonio T. de Nicolas (1985), p. 66; also translated as "Assography" in translation by Eloïse Roach.

Sun , Flowers , Bad luck , Dogs

“You lame-ass nigga, no dough, always on the train-ass nigga, Canal street, 10-karat-chain-ass nigga, you got fucked upstate, you cupcake, how many dicks can your butt take?”

Big L (rapper) (1974–1999) American rapper

Training

“Silly ass. The land would be much more valuable today.”

Princess Margaret, Countess of Snowdon (1930–2002) younger daughter of King George VI and Queen Elizabeth The Queen Mother

On being told that George III had given the Crown lands to Parliament in 1761 in return for a fixed allowance. As quoted in Andrew Duncan, The Reality of Monarchy, p. 181

“Nothing is worse than to finish a good shit, then reach over and find the toilet paper container empty. Even the most horrible human being on earth deserves to wipe his ass.”

Charles Bukowski book Factotum

Source: Factotum (1975), Ch.65

“President Bush withdrew from the Anti-Ballistic Missile treaty. Good I say, global stability was getting to be a pain in the ass.”

Maddox (1978) American internet writer

Bush: making political satirists obsolete since 2000 http://maddox.xmission.com/limits_to_freedom.html
The Best Page in the Universe

Pain

“Fred, what happened to your ass?”

Jay Leno (1950) American comedian, actor, writer, producer, voice actor and television host

"Oh, the fat guy at the office sneezed on me."
Speaking of the discovery that obesity is contagious
Monologue, 26 July 2007
The Tonight Show

“I am ashamed the law is such an ass.”

George Chapman (1559–1634) English dramatist, poet, and translator

Revenge for Honour, Act III, scene ii.
Disputed

Law

“Son of a bitchin’ no good lousy ass anarchistic capitalist bitch. That’s what I say about my relatives, but you won’t say it.”

Jim Jones (1931–1978) founder and the leader of the Peoples Temple

" http://jonestown.sdsu.edu/AboutJonestown/Tapes/Tapes/TapeTranscripts/Q265.html" FBI No. Q265 (17 October 1978)

Bitch

“Walk tall, kick ass, learn to speak Arabic, love music and never forget you come from a long line of truth seekers, lovers and warriors.”

Hunter S. Thompson (1937–2005) American journalist and author

A note to his grandson, Will (2005) http://books.google.com/books?id=9Zy4GJrn--UC&pg=PA350&dq=%22truth+seekers,+lovers+and+warriors%22&hl=en&ei=AyvoTYrBIIq8sQOBg7XtDQ&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1&sqi=2&ved=0CCoQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=%22truth%20seekers%2C%20lovers%20and%20warriors%22&f=false, reprinted in "Outlaw Journalist : The Life and Times of Hunter S. Thompson" (2008), by William McKeen
2000s

Forgetting , Learning , Music , Truth

“My own opinion is enough for me, and I claim the right to have it defended against any consensus, any majority, anywhere, any place, any time. And anyone who disagrees with this can pick a number, get in line and kiss my ass.”

Christopher Hitchens (1949–2011) British American author and journalist

"Be It Resolved: Freedom of Speech Includes the Freedom to Hate," debate at University of Toronto, (2006-11-15). Hitchens argued the affirmative position. Info http://hhdce.sa.utoronto.ca/formaldebates_20062007.htm#20062007_3; video http://onegoodmove.org/1gm/1gmarchive/2007/03/free_speech_6.html.
2000s, 2006

Time , Kiss

“Loyalty to the Queen does not require a man to bow down to her manservant, her maidservant, her ox… or her ass!”

Alexander Mackenzie (1822–1892) 2nd Prime Minister of Canada

responding to McDougall who claimed he was disloyal for not supporting the Government - Lambton debates 1867 - Buckingham page 229

Loyalty

“A man that hoards up riches and enjoys them not, is like an ass that carries gold and eats thistles.”

Richard Francis Burton (1821–1890) British explorer, geographer, translator, writer, soldier, orientalist, cartographer, ethnologist, spy, lin…

17th century proverb
Misattributed

“An ass may bray a good while before he shakes the stars down.”

George Eliot book Romola

Volume III, Chapter IV
Romola (1863)

Star

“All I ask for is a chance to have the same kind of forum, the right to speak, the same credibility as thee wrong-ass ignant fools. But the producers of these types of shows think tht I will only talk about tai chi, where to get the best sushi on the West Side, how to feng-shui your office…the fact that the media at large look at my race before they hear my voice = fucked up shit.”

Margaret Cho (1968) American stand-up comedian

From Her Books, I Have Chosen To Stay And Fight, INVISIBILITY

Thinking , Fools , Chance

“Writing and travel broaden your ass if not your mind and I like to write standing up.”

Ernest Hemingway (1899–1961) American author and journalist

Letter (9 July 1950); published in Ernest Hemingway: Selected Letters 1917–1961 (1981) edited by Carlos Baker

Travel

“Just now I'm painting a beautiful woman, smiling, burnt to a crisp, with feathers of all colors, held up by a small die of burning marble; the die is in turn held up by a little puff of smoke, churned and quite; in the sky there are asses with parrot-heads, grasses and beach sand, all about to explode, all clean, incredible objective..”

Salvador Dalí (1904–1989) Spanish artist

Quote in Dali's letter to his art-friend Lorca, 1927; as quoted in Surrealism and the Spanish Civil War, Robin Adèle Greeley, p. 67
Dali is striving then for a rational approach of his paintings; he is very probably referring to his painting, he made earlier in 1927: ' Little Ashes' https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b7/Little_Ashes.jpg
Quotes of Salvador Dali, 1920 - 1930

Painting , Smile , Beauty , Grass

“By outward show let's not be cheated;
An ass should like an ass be treated.”

John Gay (1685–1732) English poet and playwright

XI, "The Packhorse and Carrier"
Fables (1727), Fables, Part the Second (1738)

Cheating

“A rich bank account did not mean rich ideas; in fact, often the reverse. The bigger your ass, the more you want to cover it.”

Gregory Benford (1941) Science fiction author and astrophysicist

Source: Short fiction, The Man Who Sold The Stars (2013), p. 338

Idea

“If it's illegal to be a Deejay, throw my ass in jail ...”

Dj Parisa (1972) Youtuber & DJ

“I grew up in Kentucky so that's the land of casseroles and barbecue and meat. So when I transitioned over to an entirely plant-based diet, I wasn't sure if I was gonna survive. And I actually became like a machine. […] I just immediately started feeling like I could go kick ass and not need the recovery in between. It was mind-blowing to my teammates. […] I was about ready to retire, as I should've been, because I'm like 35 at that time. But I just kept getting better, and so they had to take me to the Olympics. We were complete underdogs as Team USA. In our semi-final ride against Australia, we were down by 1.7 seconds. No one's ever come back in team pursuit from a deficit that large. And we beat them on the line by eight one-hundredths of a second. I was 39 and a half years old when I stood on the Olympic podium. I'm still the oldest person, male or female, to even go to the Olympic Games in my event. My diet was the most powerful aspect to me being able to perform and produce for the US team at the Olympic Games.”

Dotsie Bausch (1973) cyclist

Interview in the documentary-film The Game Changers by Louie Psihoyos (2018).

Personality , Game , Time , Feeling

“What was uncalled for? It is uncalled for you to interrupt my ass you cheap motherfucker!”

Michael Richards (1949) American actor

responding to the heckler saying "That was uncalled for"
Laugh Factory incident (2006)

“You can talk! You can talk! You can talk! You're brave now, motherfucker! Throw his ass out! He's a nigger! He's a nigger! He's a nigger! A nigger, look, there's a nigger! Ooh! Ooh! All right, ya see? It shocks you, it shocks you, to see what's buried beneath, you stupid mother fuckers!”

Michael Richards (1949) American actor

Laugh Factory incident (2006)

Stupidity

“Are you havin' my ass?”

Gavin Free (1988) English filmmaker

"Let's Play Minecraft: Ep. 243 - Ender City" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7BK6mcQQBo. youtube.com. January 20, 2017. Retrieved February 21, 2019.

“The trouble I have with astrophysics or quantum mechanics is the same problem I have with philosophy; which is: initially it is mind blowing, then it is fascinating, then it is disturbing, then it is almost uncomprehensible, then it's fascinating again, then you disappear up your own ass.”

Craig Ferguson (1962) Scottish-born American television host, stand-up comedian, writer, actor, director, author, producer and voice a…

Couple Thinkers (2017)

Problem

“I don't care how good they are. Unless they get a kick in the ass every six weeks, they'll slack off.”

Ernest King (1878–1956) United States Navy admiral, Chief of Naval Operations

King's comment on maintaining a strict style of leadership, in particular constantly holding drills and inspections among his sailors and officers, in 1940 when he was a 2-star rear admiral. As quoted in American Warlords: How Roosevelt's High Command Led America To Victory In World War II (2016), p. 72.
1940s

“Cut corners and it'll always come back to bite you in the ass.”

David Sedaris book Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim

That was one of her sayings.

Essay, "The girl next door" - p.106
Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim (2004)

“If He had been Antichrist, Creeping Jesus,
He’d have done anything to please us;
Gone sneaking into synagogues,
And not us’d the Elders and Priests like dogs;
But humble as a lamb or ass
Obey’d Himself to Caiaphas.”

William Blake (1757–1827) English Romantic poet and artist

1810s, The Everlasting Gospel (c. 1818)

Dogs

“In the long run more mercenaries have had their asses shot off by their contractors than by their enemies.”

Lois McMaster Bujold Vorkosigan Saga

Chapter 13 (p. 223) Vorkosigan Saga, The Warrior's Apprentice (1986)

“Will there never come a season
Which shall rid us from the curse?
Of a prose which knows no reason
And an unmelodious verse:
When the world shall cease to wonder
At the genius of an Ass,
And a boy's eccentric blunder
Shall not bring success to pass:When mankind shall be delivered
From the clash of magazines,
And the inkstand shall be shivered
Into countless smithereens:
When there stands a muzzled stripling,
Mute, beside a muzzled bore:
When the Rudyards cease from Kipling
And the Haggards Ride no more.”

James Kenneth Stephen (1859–1892) English poet, tutor to Prince Albert Victor

To R. K.

Season , World , Boy , Success

“Evolution was a paste-and-baling-wire process that came up with half-assed solutions like pushing teeth through babies’ gums and menstruation. Survival of the fittest was a technical term that covered a lot more close-enough-is-close-enough than actual design.”

Daniel Abraham (1969) speculative fiction writer from the United States

Source: The Expanse, Tiamat's Wrath (2019), Chapter 29 (p. 309)

Past , Baby

“The world is a bundle of hay,
Mankind are the asses that pull,
Each tugs in a different way—
And the greatest of all is John Bull!”

George Gordon Byron (1788–1824) English poet and a leading figure in the Romantic movement

Letter to Thomas Moore (22 June 1821).

World , Way

“The only ass I follow is my own.”

Ron English (1959) American artist

Ron English's Fauxlosophy (2016)

“As a young man, you need a kick in the ass sometimes. Thank God, I really took that to heart.”

Jordi Vilasuso (1981) American actor

JORDI VILASUSO (REY, Y&R) REFLECTS ON THE GIG THAT LAUNCHED HIS SOAP CAREER https://www.soapoperadigest.com/content/jordi-vilasuso-rey-yr-reflects-on-the-gig-that-launched-his-soap-career/ (August 4, 2020)

God , Heart

“You God damned cowardly pieces of chicken neck filth. I'm going to sue your ass into hell, get ready!”

Alex Jones (1974) American radio host, author, conspiracy theorist and filmmaker

Alex Jones: "I'm going to sue your ass into hell, GET READY!" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d3H6Qw-yzw0, The Alex Jones Show, February 21 2017
2017

God , Hell

“I don't care who gets in my way--my mother, my grandmother, my daughter: I'll knock each and every one of them on their ass.”

Jack Tatum (1948–2010) All-American college football player, professional football player, defensive back, safety, College Footbal…

Final Confessions of NFL Assassin Jack Tatum by Jack Tatum with Bill Kushner (1996)

Daughters , Way

“Civilization, I sometimes think, is little more than a thin veneer of culture covering a host of red-assed baboons!”

Leonard E. Read (1898–1983) American academic

Leonard Read Journals, November 11, 1951 https://history.fee.org/leonard-read-journal/1951/leonard-e-read-journal-november-1951/

Thinking