Quotes about shit
page 2

Dylan Moran photo
Dylan Moran photo
Jeff Buckley photo
Dave Attell photo
Michael Chabon photo
Ron White photo
Ethan Allen photo

“There is nothing that will make an Englishman shit so quick as the sight of General Washington.”

Ethan Allen (1738–1789) American general

Retort attributed to Allen, during his captivity among the British, commenting after a picture of Washington was hung in a outhouse, in an anecdote told by Abraham Lincoln, as quoted in Lincoln, Vol. 1 (1996) by David Herbert Donald; the documentation on this is scanty, and it conceivably arose as a comical anecdote as early as Lincoln's time.
Variants:
It is most appropriately hung. There is nothing that will make an Englishman shit so quick as the sight of General Washington.
As quoted in Strange But True, America : Weird Tales from All 50 States (2004) by John Hafnor, p. 114
It is most appropriately hung, nothing ever made the British shit like the sight of George Washington.
Disputed

Gene Roddenberry photo
Charles Bukowski photo
Richard Pryor photo

“Let me tell you what really happened… Every night before I go to bed, I have milk and cookies. One night I mixed some low-fat milk and some pasteurized, then I dipped my cookie in and the shit blew up.”

Richard Pryor (1940–2005) American stand-up comedian, actor, social critic, writer, and MC

At the start of a routine about his freebasing accident. Live At The Sunset Strip (1982) [album and movie]

Bill Bryson photo

“Making models was reputed to be hugely enjoyable… But when you got the kit home and opened the box the contents turned out to be of a uniform leaden gray or olive green, consisting of perhaps sixty thousand tiny parts, some no larger than a proton, all attached in some organic, inseparable way to plastic stalks like swizzle sticks. The tubes of glue by contrast were the size of large pastry tubes. No matter how gently you depressed them they would blurp out a pint or so of a clear viscous goo whose one instinct was to attach itself to some foreign object—a human finger, the living-room drapes, the fur of a passing animal—and become an infinitely long string. Any attempt to break the string resulted in the creation of more strings. Within moments you would be attached to hundreds of sagging strands, all connected to something that had nothing to do with model airplanes or World War II. The only thing the glue wouldn’t stick to, interestingly, was a piece of plastic model; then it just became a slippery lubricant that allowed any two pieces of model to glide endlessly over each other, never drying. The upshot was that after about forty minutes of intensive but troubled endeavor you and your immediate surroundings were covered in a glistening spiderweb of glue at the heart of which was a gray fuselage with one wing on upside down and a pilot accidentally but irremediably attached by his flying cap to the cockpit ceiling. Happily by this point you were so high on the glue that you didn’t give a shit about the pilot, the model, or anything else.”

Source: The Life And Times of the Thunderbolt Kid (2006), p. 81

Bill Bryson photo
Peter Sellers photo

“People will swim through shit if you put a few bob in it.”

Peter Sellers (1925–1980) British film actor, comedian and singer

As quoted in Halliwell's Filmgoer's Companion (1988) by Leslie Halliwell, p. 622

Timothy Leary photo

“The mark of a basic shit is that he can’t mind his own business.”

Timothy Leary (1920–1996) American psychologist

Though at times attributed to Leary on the internet, no published source of this has been located. It is a misquote of a William S. Burroughs reading entitled M.O.B. from the Giorno Poetry Systems boxed set. M.O.B. was an extension of Burroughs' expression in The Place of Dead Roads (1983), p. 155:
You are a Shit Spotter. It's satisfying work. … We have observed that most of the trouble in the world has been caused by ten to twenty percent of folks who can't mind their own business, because they have no business of their own to mind, any more than a smallpox virus … The mark of a basic shit is that he has to be right.
Misattributed

Hunter S. Thompson photo
Chuck Palahniuk photo
Chuck Palahniuk photo

“All I do is track a profane route to something (I hope) profound. Like swimming a river of shit for a kiss.”

Chuck Palahniuk (1962) American novelist, essayist

On what sets him apart from others in his genre.
Online chat transcript http://www.jsonline.com/story/index.aspx?id=599285, Milwaukee Journal Sentinel (2007-05-01)

William S. Burroughs photo
William S. Burroughs photo
Neal Stephenson photo
Neal Stephenson photo
Margaret Cho photo
Margaret Cho photo
Walker Percy photo
Ernest Hemingway photo

“You see it's awfully hard to talk or write about your own stuff because if it is any good you yourself know about how good it is — but if you say so yourself you feel like a shit.”

Ernest Hemingway (1899–1961) American author and journalist

Letter to Malcolm Cowley (17 October 1945); published in Ernest Hemingway: Selected Letters 1917–1961 (1981) edited by Carlos Baker

Roger Stone photo

“I'm going to take that dog away from you. Not a fucking thing you can do about it either, because you are a weak, broke, piece of shit.”

Roger Stone (1952) American lobbyist

April 9, 2018, email to Randy Credico, refering to Credico's therapy dog, Bianca ([Roger Stone threatened to steal a therapy dog and told an associate to do a ‘Frank Pentangeli’ in alleged witness tampering cited by Mueller, January 25 2019, Tucker, Higgins, CNBC, https://www.cnbc.com/2019/01/25/roger-stone-threatened-to-steal-a-therapy-dog-and-tampered-with-a-witness-mueller-indictment.html]; [February 10, 2020, USA v. Roger J. Stone, Jr.: Government's Sentencing Memorandum, https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/6773165-Rogerstone.html#document/p1]; [November 8, 2019, Roger Stone’s Expletive-Filled, Godfather-Heavy Day in Court, Matt, Stieb, New York, https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2019/11/roger-stones-and-randy-credicos-wild-day-in-court.html])

Daniel Abraham photo

“Realizing you’ve got shit on your fingers is the first step toward washing your hands.”

Daniel Abraham (1969) speculative fiction writer from the United States

Source: Nemesis Games (2015), Chapter 20 (p. 209)

Daniel Abraham photo

“Secrecy is the potting soil in which all this conspiracy shit grows. Trust me. The roaches don’t like it when you start shining a light on them.”

Daniel Abraham (1969) speculative fiction writer from the United States

Source: Nemesis Games (2015), Chapter 13 (p. 140)

“Everyday there is a shit!”

Luiz Carlos Alborghetti (1945–2009) Italian-Brazilian radio commenter, showman and political figure

Original: (pt) Todo dia tem uma merda!

Dylan Moran photo
Bobby Sands photo

“To dance and prance
Is elegant and neat.
To wine and dine on red port wine
Is such a tasty treat. To eat and sit where you've just shit!
Is not so bloody sweet!”

Bobby Sands (1954–1981) Irish volunteer of the Provisional Irish Republican Army

Trilogy, pt.3
Poetry, Miscellaneous poems

Brad Garrett photo
Daniel Abraham photo
Erica Jong photo

“My body was flesh, which was only one step removed from shit, from clay, from dust.”

Erica Jong (1942) Novelist, poet, memoirist, critic

How to Save Your Own Life (1977)

Eminem photo
Ernest Hemingway photo
Jair Bolsonaro photo

“You're an idiot. [...] You are an illiterate. [...] You're censored. [...] You're an ignorant. [...] I don't give a shit about you.”

Jair Bolsonaro (1955) Brazilian president elect

Responding to the reporter Manuela Borges after asked about the 1964 coup d'état denial on 1 April 2014. Câmara suspende sessão sobre golpe militar após tumulto no plenário http://g1.globo.com/politica/50-anos-do-golpe-militar/noticia/2014/04/camara-suspende-sessao-sobre-golpe-militar-apos-confusao.html. G1 (1 April 2014); Jair Bolsonaro se irrita e chama jornalista de “analfabeta” e “idiota”; assista https://vejasp.abril.com.br/blog/pop/jair-bolsonaro-se-irrita-e-chama-jornalista-de-8220-analfabeta-8221-e-8220-idiota-8221-assista/. Veja SP (4 April 2014)
2014

Ernest Hemingway photo
Ernest Hemingway photo

“The age demanded that we dance
And jammed us into iron pants.
And in the end the age was handed
The sort of shit that it demanded.”

Ernest Hemingway (1899–1961) American author and journalist

"The Age Demanded" in Der Querschnitt (February 1925); as quoted in Sylvia Beach and the Lost Generation (1983) by Noel Riley Fitch

George S. Patton photo

“All through your Army careers, you men have bitched about what you call "chicken shit drilling."”

George S. Patton (1885–1945) United States Army general

That, like everything else in this Army, has a definite purpose. That purpose is alertness. Alertness must be bred into every soldier. I don't give a fuck for a man who's not always on his toes. You men are veterans or you wouldn't be here. You are ready for what's to come.
Speech to the Third Army (1944)

A. J. Liebling photo

“Show me a poet, and I'll show you a shit.”

A. J. Liebling (1904–1963) American journalist

The New Yorker, March 28, 1953, quoted in David Remnick, "Reporting It All: A.J. Liebling at 100", The New Yorker, March 29, 2004.

Charles Bukowski photo
Neal Stephenson photo
Natalie Wynn photo

“I look inside myself and ask, do I feel like a man, or a woman, and the answer is that I feel like shit.”

ContraPoints
Source: Non-Binary Genders https://aardvark-lily-k2lz.squarespace.com/transcripts/archives/non-binary-genders, published 2016-09-30

John Mulaney photo
Ol' Dirty Bastard photo

“Ladies don't love shit. Ladies just act like they love. You understand what I'm sayin?”

Ol' Dirty Bastard (1968–2004) American rapper

It's an act when it comes to Ol Dirty Bastard. They ACT like they love Ol Dirty - ladies don't love Ol Dirty Bastard because … Ol Dirty Bastard is busy lovin' them. They might like Ol Dirty Bastard, know what I'm sayin? They might listen to his music or something, but really they don't pay no mind. They pay nothing no mind, nothing is paid a mind to, really, on this earth. It's just living, and dying. The world is a big ball of fire and it's just burning with no feeling.
Dirty Minded Documentary

Samuel Beckett photo
Daniel Abraham photo

“Patriotism was weird shit.”

Daniel Abraham (1969) speculative fiction writer from the United States

Source: The Expanse, Persepolis Rising (2017), Chapter 25 (p. 267)

Mark Wahlberg photo

“It's weird; I've been to prison, I've seen the worst sort of violence and negative shit in the streets, but when it comes to putting my heart on the line and letting somebody get to know me in a relationship, it's very difficult.”

Mark Wahlberg (1971) American actor, television producer and rap musician

Source: Chris Heath, The making of Mark, The Observer, Sunday 27 February 2000 http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/2000/feb/27/1

Steve Bannon photo

“The Democrats don’t matter. The real opposition is the media. And the way to deal with them is to flood the zone with shit.”

Steve Bannon (1953) American media executive and former White House Chief Strategist for Donald Trump

Source: According to " “Flood the zone with shit”: How misinformation overwhelmed our democracy https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2020/1/16/20991816/impeachment-trial-trump-bannon-misinformation" (2018)

Charles Stross photo

“Politics is shit; it corrupts everything it touches, and getting involved in it only leads to misery and dissatisfaction.”

Source: Saturn's Children (2008), Chapter 9, “Coin-Operated Boy” (p. 157)

Madonna photo

“Every time I do a show, I die a little bit, but no shit is worth doing unless you're willing to die for it.”

Madonna (1958) American singer, songwriter, and actress

From Madonna Confessions book by Guy Oseary http://www.powerhousebooks.com/madonna_confessions/

Kyle Rittenhouse photo

“I want to be a lawyer. I want to go to law school.
Towards the end of [the] trial I’m like, ‘I want to go against corrupt piece of shit prosecutors like Thomas Binger and put them in their place and make sure they never practice law again.”

Kyle Rittenhouse (2003) former suspect in the killing of two protesters in Kenosha, Wisconsin

Source: 7 December 2021 video interview https://rumble.com/vqd1hv-kyle-rittenhouse-reveals-he-plans-to-become-a-lawyer.html with Elijah Schaffer and Sydney Watson of Blaze TV reported by Gino Spocchi of The Independent https://ca.sports.yahoo.com/news/kyle-rittenhouse-blasts-piece-trial-183634529.html

Dan Fante photo

“We're fat, we're greedy, and we don't give a shit. Our religion is TV. Our saviour is Bill Gates. We've learned our lessons well. We know how to put number one first.”

Dan Fante (1944–2015) American writer

Dan Fante [quote appears on Goodreads but does not state a source]
Unsourced

“I do think that getting a dog says something about you, it says; I'm so lonely that I could pick up shit.”

Frankie Boyle (1972) Scottish comedian

Stand-up, Excited for You to See and Hate This (2020)

Taylor Swift photo

“If a man talks shit than I owe him nothing.
And if spends my change than he had it coming.”

Taylor Swift (1989) American singer-songwriter

I Did Something Bad, written by Taylor Swift, Max Martin, and Shellback
Song lyrics, Reputaion (2017)

Eminem photo
Eminem photo
Eminem photo
Ludwig Van Beethoven photo

“O you miserable fool, what I shit is better than anything you can do.”

Ludwig Van Beethoven (1770–1827) German Romantic composer

Original: (de) Ach du erbärmlicher Schuft, was ich scheisse ist besser, als was du je gedacht.
Source: Written in the margin of Gottfried Weber's negative review of Wellington's Victory in Beethoven's copy of Cäcilia (August 1825) https://books.google.com/books?id=KBuLcEJpX4sC&pg=PA77&lpg=PA77

Lou Reed photo
Salvador Dalí photo
Bill Maher photo
Prevale photo

“Teenage love is so pure that you think it can last forever. You give your better half attention, importance, gratitude. Then, when you grow up, looking back on it, you realize you've done a big, useless shit.”

Prevale (1983) Italian DJ and producer

Original: L'amore adolescenziale è così puro che si pensa possa durare per sempre. Doni alla tua dolce metà attenzione, importanza, gratitudine. Poi, quando si cresce, ripensandoci, ci si rende conto di aver fatto una grande, inutile stronzata.
Source: prevale.net