“There is nothing that will make an Englishman shit so quick as the sight of General Washington.”

— Ethan Allen

Retort attributed to Allen, during his captivity among the British, commenting after a picture of Washington was hung in a outhouse, in an anecdote told by Abraham Lincoln, as quoted in Lincoln, Vol. 1 (1996) by David Herbert Donald; the documentation on this is scanty, and it conceivably arose as a comical anecdote as early as Lincoln's time.
Variants:
It is most appropriately hung. There is nothing that will make an Englishman shit so quick as the sight of General Washington.
As quoted in Strange But True, America : Weird Tales from All 50 States (2004) by John Hafnor, p. 114
It is most appropriately hung, nothing ever made the British shit like the sight of George Washington.
Disputed

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Ethan Allen40

American general 1738–1789

Oscar Levy (1867–1946) German physician and writer

Source: The Revival of Aristocracy (1906), pp. 86-97.

“It is impossible for an Englishman to open his mouth without making some other Englishman hate or despise him.”

George Bernard Shaw (1856–1950) Irish playwright

Preface
1910s, Pygmalion (1912)

“How hard it is to make an Englishman acknowledge that he is happy!”

William Makepeace Thackeray book Pendennis

Pendennis. Book ii. Chap. xxxi, reported in Bartlett's Familiar Quotations, 10th ed. (1919).

“There are fewer more distressing sights
than that of an Englishman in a baseball cap
Yeah, we'll die in the class we were born
That's a class of our own, my love”

Pete Doherty (1979) English musician, writer, actor, poet and artist

"Time for Heroes"(with Carl Barat)
Lyrics and poetry

“For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me want to dream.”

Vincent Van Gogh (1853–1890) Dutch post-Impressionist painter (1853-1890)

Variant: I don't know anything with certainty, but seeing the stars makes me dream.
Source: Van Gogh's Starry Night Notebook

“Life seems but a quick succession of busy nothings.”

Jane Austen book Mansfield Park

Dinner was soon followed by tea and coffee, a ten miles' drive home allowed no waste of hours; and from the time of their sitting down to table, it was a quick succession of busy nothings till the carriage came to the door, and Mrs. Norris, having fidgeted about, and obtained a few pheasants' eggs and a cream cheese from the housekeeper, and made abundance of civil speeches to Mrs. Rushworth, was ready to lead the way.
Misattributed
Source: Said by Fanny Price in a 1999 adaptation of Mansfield Park. Actual quote:

“There's nothing like a debate to teach one quickness.”

E.M. Forster book Howards End

Source: Howards End (1910), Ch. 15
Context: There's nothing like a debate to teach one quickness. I often wish I had gone in for them when I was a youngster. It would have helped me no end.