Quotes about guys
page 12

Alex Jones photo

“I believe from history and my own gut, instinct, that if I go ahead and lay it all out here, what we're really facing, you've got courage and you've got will, and you're gonna get angry and stop caring. It begins with not caring about what your slack-jawed knuckle-dragging cowardly pseudo tough-guy football-watching neighbor thinks. Okay? That's where it begins. It begins with not caring what happens to your individual person. And when you have that attitude, when you have that attitude, then the enemy doesn't have anything over you anymore. Stop being gelded domesticated garbage. Stop being weak! And when you see a threat coming down on you, deal with it! Become a human again! Stop being weak! We have a bunch of criminals coming down on us. God, ugh! Murdering scum. I wanna get humanity awake. I wanna get our forces up. And I wanna bring these people to justice. And you know what I mean. You know what I mean! I wanna unleash humanity, not have a bunch of con artist pot-bellied chicken-neck pieces of garbage running our world! More importantly they act like effeminate cowardly chicken necks cuz they want to train you to act like that they want to train you to be weak they want to train you. That's a nasty taste coming up in my mouth. Tastin' those globalists. I can taste their fear and their weakness. I taste metal, I taste blood.”

Alex Jones (1974) American radio host, author, conspiracy theorist and filmmaker

Alex's Bill Gates Chicken-Neck Bastard 'Rant' https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vg-5WgcMV_o, September 2011.

Babe Ruth photo
Michael Savage photo

“At least some Americans are still having children. Unfortunately, many of those children spend their formative years being taught how to surrender. The emasculation of American boys is one step short of suicide. […] Schoolyards used to be filled with kids at recess playing games like "kill the guy with the ball." Nobody died. Boys played with G. I. Joes and girls played with dolls. Kids played freeze tag without a single incident of sexual harassment. […] Not too many years ago, cartoons were filled with violence. Bugs Bunny tied a gun barrel in a knot and Elmer Fudd's gun went kaboom, covering his own head in black soot. Wile E. Coyote chased the Road Runner and fell off a cliff to his destruction. We as children watched Superman cartoons, but we knew not to try and jump off the roof. Teenage boys watched Rocky and Rambo and Conan films. Then they went home without trying to kill anybody. […] We did not need liberals to tell us the difference between pretend and real life. Common sense and our parents handled that. Now schools across the country are canceling gym class. Dodgeball apparently promotes aggression […]. Even rock-paper-scissors is too violent. Rocks and scissors could be used by children to harm each other. Paper requires murdering trees. It's no wonder that Islamists produce strapping young men while America produces sensitive crybabies […]. Muslim children are taught hate in madrassas. They are taught how to kill infidels and the blasphemers. American boys are suspended from school for arranging their school lunch vegetables in the shape of a gun. […] During World War II, young boys volunteered to go overseas to save the world. […] Now American kids on college campuses retreat to their safe spaces to escape from potential microagressions. Islamists cut off heads and limbs and our young boys shriek at the drop of a microaggression. And we haven't seen the worst of it.”

Michael Savage (1942) U.S. radio talk show host, Commentator, and Author

Scorched Earth: Restoring the Country after Obama (2016)

Wesley Snipes photo
Mike Milbury photo

“[German head coach Uwe Krupp] is asking his guys to basically be fire hydrants and they're getting peed on right now.”

Mike Milbury (1952) American ice hockey player

http://www.sportsbusinessdaily.com/article/137336
On the 2010 Olympic German Team

Kirk Hammett photo
Kent Hovind photo
Timothy Dalton photo

“If you behave like a regular guy, you get treated like a regular guy. You can't cut yourself off from the world. You ultimately would go crazy, wouldn't you?”

Timothy Dalton (1944) British actor of stage, film and television

On fame. [Several Interviews with Timothy Dalton on his 007 portrayal, including ‘Timothy Dalton Won’t Let Bond Role Change His Career by Susan King of the ‘Los Angeles Herald Examiner’, http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Film/7518/Bond_Eng/Bond_Eng.htm, http://web.archive.org/20000304095759/www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Film/7518/Bond_Eng/Bond_Eng.htm, 2000-03-04].
Attributed

Johannes Grenzfurthner photo

“A guy once screamed "Rammstein is fascist" in my face. I screamed "Laibach have seen better days!"”

Johannes Grenzfurthner (1975) Austrian artist, writer, curator, and theatre and film director

back.
lecture performance at CMU Pittsburgh, 2016.

Jesse Ventura photo
Roger Manganelli photo
Richard Feynman photo

“While in Kyoto I tried to learn Japanese with a vengeance. I worked much harder at it, and got to a point where I could go around in taxis and do things. I took lessons from a Japanese man every day for an hour.
One day he was teaching me the word for "see." "All right," he said. "You want to say, 'May I see your garden?' What do you say?"
I made up a sentence with the word that I had just learned.
"No, no!" he said. "When you say to someone, 'Would you like to see my garden?' you use the first 'see.' But when you want to see someone else's garden, you must use another 'see,' which is more polite."
"Would you like to glance at my lousy garden?" is essentially what you're saying in the first case, but when you want to look at the other fella's garden, you have to say something like, "May I observe your gorgeous garden?" So there's two different words you have to use.
Then he gave me another one: "You go to a temple, and you want to look at the gardens…"
I made up a sentence, this time with the polite "see."
"No, no!" he said. "In the temple, the gardens are much more elegant. So you have to say something that would be equivalent to 'May I hang my eyes on your most exquisite gardens?"
Three or four different words for one idea, because when I'm doing it, it's miserable; when you're doing it, it's elegant.
I was learning Japanese mainly for technical things, so I decided to check if this same problem existed among the scientists.
At the institute the next day, I said to the guys in the office, "How would I say in Japanese, 'I solve the Dirac Equation'?"
They said such-and-so.
"OK. Now I want to say, 'Would you solve the Dirac Equation?'”

Richard Feynman (1918–1988) American theoretical physicist

how do I say that?"
"Well, you have to use a different word for 'solve,' " they say.
"Why?" I protested. "When I solve it, I do the same damn thing as when you solve it!"
"Well, yes, but it's a different word — it's more polite."
I gave up. I decided that wasn't the language for me, and stopped learning Japanese.
Part 5: "The World of One Physicist", "Would <U>You</U> Solve the Dirac Equation?", p. 245-246
Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman! (1985)

Bill Clinton photo

“A few years ago, this guy would have been getting us coffee.”

Bill Clinton (1946) 42nd President of the United States

Remarks allegedly made about Barack Obama to Ted Kennedy in 2008, as quoted in Game Change : Obama and the Clintons, McCain and Palin, and the Race of a Lifetime (2010) in John Heilemann and Mark Halperin
Attributed

MS Dhoni photo

“One inch here and there and a guy like Dhoni could take you apart. He is a great finisher, he is cool and calm and backs himself. He is a strong character.”

MS Dhoni (1981) Indian cricket player

Mahela Jayawardene https://www.scoopwhoop.com/sports/dhoni-quotes/

Rich Mullins photo
Walter Reuther photo
Steve Jobs photo

“I wish him the best, I really do. I just think he and Microsoft are a bit narrow. He'd be a broader guy if he had dropped acid once or gone off to an ashram when he was younger.”

Steve Jobs (1955–2011) American entrepreneur and co-founder of Apple Inc.

On Bill Gates as quoted in "Creating Jobs" in The New York Times (12 January 1997) http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9F04EED71139F931A25752C0A961958260&sec=technology&spon=&pagewanted=all
1990s

Robert P. George photo

“It takes 11 guys to change the world. It takes five to change a university. We can do this.”

Robert P. George (1955) American legal scholar

2016, Interview with Bill Kristol (2016)

Howard Dean photo

“The Republicans are not very friendly to different kinds of people. I mean, they're a pretty monolithic party. They pretty much, they all behave the same, they all look the same. It's pretty much a white Christian party. Again, the Democrats abduct everybody you can think of. So, as this gentleman was talking about, it's a coalition, a lot of it independent. The problem is, we gotta make sure that turns into a party, which means this: I've gotta spend time in the communities, and our folks gotta spend time in the communities. I think, we're more welcoming to different folks, because that's the type of people we are. But that's not enough. We do have to deliver on things, particularly on jobs, and housing, and business opportunities and college opportunities, and so fourth. I think, there has been a lot of progress in the last 20-40 years, but the stakes keep changing. I think there's a lot of folks who vote, maybe right now, in the Asian-American communities, who don't wanna vote Democrats, but they're angry with the President on his immigration policy, the Patriot Act. But, what we need to do while this is going on, is develop a really close relationship with the Asian-American community, so later on there's gonna be a benefit, you know, more equal division. There'll be some party loyalty, as people would rememeber that we were there when it really made a difference. That's really what I'm trying to do. If I come in here 8 weeks before the elections, we're not getting anywhere. Asking if you would vote, you're still mad at the lesser of two evils. So that's why I'm here 3.5 years before the elections. We want different kind of people to run for office, too. We want a very diverse group of people running for office, African-Americans, Asian-Americans, Latinos. I think Villaraigosa's election in Los Angeles is incredibly important for the Democratic Party. Bush can go out and talk all he wants about "this is the party of opportunity", you know, he can make his appointments, Condi Rice, or, what's this guy's name, Commerce Secretary, Gutierrez. But you can't succeed electorally if you're a person of color in then Republican Party, there're very few people who have succeeded. You can pick some out, JC Watts, I'm trying to think of an Asian-American who's been a success who's a Republican, I can't think of one off the top of my head. You know, there's always a few, but not many. Because this is the party of opportunity for people of color, and for communities of color. And we're hoping to cement that relationship so that'll always be that way. [Q: You've been very tough on the Republicans, some Democrats criticized you over the weeked for doing that, Joe Biden…] I just got off the phone with John Edwards. What happened was, John Edwards was, in a sense, set up by the reporter, "well you know, Governor Dean said this". Well what I said was, the Republican leadership didn't seem to care much about working people. That's essentially the gist of the quote, and, you know, the RNC put out a press release. I don't think there's a lot of difference between me and John Edwards right now, I haven't spoken to Senator Biden, but I'm sure that I will. Today, it's all over the wires that Durbin and Sheila Jackson Lee and all of these folks are coming to my defense. Look, we have to be tough on the Republicans; the Republicans don't represent ordinary Americans, and they don't have any understanding of what it is to have to go out and try to make ends meet. You know, the context of what I was talking about was these long lines that you have to wait in to vote. How could you design a system that sometimes causes people to vote, to stand in line for 6 or 8 hours, if you had any understanding what their lives are like: they gotta pick up the kids, they gotta work, sometimes they have two jobs. So that was the context of the remarks. [crosstalk/laughter] This is one of those flaps that comes up once in awhile when I get tough, but I think we all wanna be tougher on the Republicans.”

Howard Dean (1948) American political activist

Source: Discussion with reporters Portia Li and Carla Marinucci, in San Francisco http://web.archive.org/web/20060427191647/http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/object/article?f=/chronicle/archive/2005/06/07/MNdean07.TMP&o=1, June 6, 2005

Kellyanne Conway photo
Anastacia photo
Nicholas Sparks photo
John Quinlan photo

“As you get old you have to train smarter. Every young guy goes through it; every young guy says I'm invincible, it will never happen to me. The body is like a car or machine, you work it so often that eventually it's going to break down.”

John Quinlan (1974) American professional wrestler and bodybuilder

John Quinlan Muscle & Strength Audio Podcast Interview by Steve Shaw, Bodybuilder And Wrestler John Quinlan Talks About His Passion For Lifting (2010)

Rodney Dangerfield photo

“A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, "Man, I wish I had your willpower."”

Rodney Dangerfield (1921–2004) American actor and comedian

Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect But Plenty of Sex and Drugs (2004), p. 15

Joe Biden photo
Cass Elliot photo
Ron Paul photo
Craig Ferguson photo

“Just a warning: If you're a bunch of sexy teenagers at a lake where other sexy teenagers were killed 30 years ago, leave! The guy in the forest with a hockey mask… maybe doesn't play hockey.”

Craig Ferguson (1962) Scottish-born American television host, stand-up comedian, writer, actor, director, author, producer and voice a…

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005–2014)

Mickey Spillane photo
Neal Stephenson photo
Courtney Love photo

“Why do guys get to take off their shirts and we don't?”

Courtney Love (1964) American punk singer-songwriter, musician, actress, and artist

Phoenix Theatre, Toronto, Ontario; September 1, 1994
Stage banter

Bill Maher photo
Chris Cornell photo
David Bowie photo

“Pushing through the market square, so many mothers sighing
News had just come over, we had five years left to cry in.
News guy wept and told us, earth was really dying
Cried so much his face was wet, then I knew he was not lying.”

David Bowie (1947–2016) British musician, actor, record producer and arranger

Five Years
Song lyrics, The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars (1972)

Aaron Copland photo
Terrell Owens photo

“He's definitely a character. But he's his own marketing tool, and he does it very well. He's real laid-back and subdued most times. Real down-to-earth guy. And when it's lights-camera-action -- different person.”

Terrell Owens (1973) former American football wide receiver

Dorsey Levens — reported in Jason Wilde (December 3, 2004) "A Perfect Fit - Shedding His Label As A Malcontent, Terrell Owens Has Transformed The Eagles With His NFL-Best 13 Receiving Tds - And Form-Fitting Tights", Wisconsin State Journal, p. D1.
About

Alex Jones photo
Courtney Love photo

“I didn't know it was such a guy's job. It's like playing football in high heels and lipstick; no wonder it smears.”

Courtney Love (1964) American punk singer-songwriter, musician, actress, and artist

On being a woman in rock, The Independent https://www.independent.ie/entertainment/music/it-still-feels-like-love-courtneys-back-26344406.html (13 January 2008)
2006–2013

Allen West (politician) photo
Jean Chrétien photo

“I was proud to have been the anti-establishment candidate after more than twenty years in politics, a small town guy fighting for the ordinary Canadian.”

Jean Chrétien (1934) 20th Prime Minister of Canada

Source: Straight From The Heart (1985), Chapter Nine, Main Street...Bay Street, p. 211

Daniel Tosh photo
Eric Greitens photo
Jack White photo

“I would love to be Jack White — or maybe I want the peo­ple who like Jack White to also like me. But I”m the guy who writes beau­ti­ful music at 85 beat per minute.”

Jack White (1975) American musician and record producer

John Mayer
Eells, Josh (June 21, 2012). "John Mayers Regrets." Rolling Stone. 1159:48-53
About

Colleen Fitzpatrick photo

“You get treated better [laugh], Being a girl about town is different from being a girl with five guys about town.”

Colleen Fitzpatrick (1972) American singer and actress

Comparing Eve's Plum to Vitamin C
Attributed

Emmitt Smith photo

“We've got a lot of young guys. A lot of good, young guys. But young guys can go out there and learn how to win quickly. I feel good about the guys behind me. I know that if I'm not in there, they'll do just as well as me.”

Emmitt Smith (1969) American football player and sports broadcaster

Robbie Andreu (August 31, 1989) "New and Improved Emmitt Slimmed Down Florida Running Back Emmitt Smith Insists That He Won't Be Carrying More Than His Fair Share of the Load This Season", Sun-Sentinel.

Linda Ronstadt photo

“You gave us Rupert Murdoch, thanks a lot you guys, take him back.”

Linda Ronstadt (1946) American pop singer

Linda Ronstadt, Linda Ronstadt-Don Lane Show https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2r2gMUox8Q,27th October 1983

John Ashbery photo

“These two guys in the front yard--
Are they here to help?”

John Ashbery (1927–2017) poet from the United States

"Gorboduc"
April Galleons (1987)

Dave Eggers photo
Bill Engvall photo
Casey Stengel photo

“The key to good management is keeping the nine guys who hate your guts away from the nine guys who haven't made up their minds.”

Casey Stengel (1890–1975) American baseball player and coach

Common Ground News http://www.commongroundnews.org/article.php?id=2316&lan=en&sid=1&sp=0

Colin Wilson photo
John C. Wright photo

“I had sudden insight into male psychology. My theory: Guys are idiots. Keep this theory in mind. It explains the phenomena while assuming no unnecessary agents.”

John C. Wright (1961) American novelist and technical writer

Source: Titans of Chaos (2007), Chapter 10, “Love’s Proper Hue” Section 3 (p. 146)

Glenn Beck photo
Scott Adams photo

“I am saying: I see a flame thrower. I think the flame thrower guy wins in the stick fight.”

Scott Adams (1957) cartoonist, writer

[Monticello, Justin; Manning, Alex; & Weissmueller, Zach, Dilbert Creator Scott Adams on Donald Trump's "Linguistic Kill Shots", reason.com, 6 October 2015, http://reason.com/reasontv/2015/10/06/donald-trump-is-a-master-wizard]

Mike Tyson photo
Brian Clevinger photo
Harbhajan Singh photo

“Interviewer: You and Australia have had quite a relationship over the years. This will be your first trip there in eight years.
Singh: There are lots of memories, and they are all quite fresh. Good and bad. I will start with the good. Winning the Perth Test was probably the key point of my Test career, even though I didn’t play that match. But in the context of the series, we fought really hard and won a match in which Australia were favourites. And of course winning the CB series by beating Australia was very satisfying. It is like winning a mini World Cup. The bad memories include the Sydney spat, of course. It should have been handled better. It should have been stopped. Whatever happened there didn’t help anyone, neither Australian cricket nor us. We (Andrew Symonds & I) should have just sat like two mature people and spoken about it and sorted it.
Interviewer: This realisation that you should stop rushing through things has come about recently?
Singh: It’s not that I have just started doing this now. I have been told by a lot of my senior bowlers, “Take your time. Don’t rush.” Maybe I was not getting the idea sometimes. That was missing in between. Sometimes I was heeding to that advice, sometimes I was not. Then you make mistakes. Then you come back to the same thing, “Ok, take your time, boss. Relax.” It’s been there, but lately it’s come to the fore more because I have become calmer.
Interviewer: When you see guys like Virender Sehwag and Zaheer Khan, who came into international cricket after you, retire, what kind of effect does it have on you?
Singh: That was up to them. They know what’s going on with their body and mind. They need to plan their lives. Their decision should not put anyone else under pressure. Till I’m playing with my full energy, I will continue to play. Aisa toh nahi ho sakta bhai ki ek ka raasta doosre ke liye theek hai. I am enjoying what I’m doing.”

Harbhajan Singh (1980) Indian cricketer

Interview with Indian Express http://indianexpress.com/article/sports/cricket/i-always-say-i-am-the-best-harbhajan-singh/, January 25, 2016.

Richard Feynman photo
Rob Ford photo

“Daniel Dale is in my backyard taking pictures. I have little kids. He's taking pictures of little kids, I don't want to say that word but you start thinking what this guy is all about.”

Rob Ford (1969–2016) Canadian politician, 64th Mayor of Toronto

Ford, Interview to Conrad Black after confronting Daniel Dale http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/rob-ford-kids-quote-sparks-controversy-with-toronto-star-1.2458389 (10 December 2013); Ford subsequently withdrew the statements and apologized http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/rob-ford-apologizes-again-daniel-dale-drops-lawsuit-1.2469456 to Dale after Dale threatened to sue for defamation.
2010s, 2013

Kent Hovind photo
Mike Tyson photo

“I'm just a sucker even talking to you guys. I should be ready to rip your heads off your necks. But it's just not the right thing to do.”

Mike Tyson (1966) American boxer

http://www.boxing-monthly.co.uk/content/0008/three.htm
On the media

Margaret Cho photo
Carlos Zambrano photo
Glen Cook photo

“Nice guys never have a soul patch.”

Radio From Hell (March 17, 2006)

Kellyanne Conway photo
Donald J. Trump photo
Colin Powell photo

“What the hell, what are these guys thinking about? Can’t you get these guys back in the box?”

Colin Powell (1937) Former U.S. Secretary of State and retired four-star general

Remark made to Joint Chiefs of Staff General Shelton regarding comments by Paul Wolfowitz and Donald Rumsfeld, advocating an attack on Iraq, even before the battle plan for attacking the Taliban was formulated, shortly after the “the crucial meeting took place on September 15 in the Laurel Lodge at Camp David, at which Wolfowitz made the case for action against Iraq.” [Halper, Stefan, Clarke, Johnathan, America Alone: The Neo-Conservatives and the Global Order, 2004, Cambridge University Press, Cambridge, United Kingdom, 0-521-83834-7 hardback, 149-150]. Also see [Woodware, Bob, Bush at War, 2002, Simon and Schuster, Cambridge, United Kingdom, 0743215389, 61]. (Remark from 9/2001 shortly after 9/11).
2000s

Josh Homme photo
Dan Savage photo
Willem Maris photo

“At Heyser [a pub in The Hague] came the venerable old guys [painters]: Smit-Cranz, Coelman a. o. Those were the bigwigs, you see. We were the revolutionaries. And an opposition that we got! - In 't Kurhaus they hang a poster against us during our first exhibition; they named us 'mud painters'. (translation from original Dutch, Fons Heijnsbroek, 2018)”

Willem Maris (1844–1910) Dutch landscape painter of the Hague School (1844-1910)

version in original Dutch / citaat van Willem Maris, in het Nederlands: Bij Heyser [een café in Den Haag] kwamen de eerbiedwaardige ouden [schilders]: Smit-Cranz, Coelman e.a. Dat waren de hooge oomes, zie je. Wij waren de revolutionairen. En tegenwerking dat we hebben gehad! - In heeft tijdens onze eerste tentoonstelling een pamflet gelegen tegen ons. We werden uitgescholden voor 'modderschilders'.
Quote of Willem Maris; as cited in 'Zó Hollands - Het Hollandse landschap in de Nederlandse kunst sinds 1850', Antoon Erftemeijer https://www.franshalsmuseum.nl/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/zohollands_eindversie_def_1.pdf; Frans Hals museum | De Hallen, Haarlem 2011, pp. 36-37

Trevor Phillips photo
Jim Belushi photo
Joe the Plumber photo
Newt Gingrich photo

“I'm not studying this, I'm not looking at it in great detail, but the last guy to announce on your show came in fourth.”

Newt Gingrich (1943) Professor, Speaker of the United States House of Representatives

Response to Jon Stewart's request that he announce his candidacy for President of the United States in the 2008 election on The Daily Show (6 June 2005)
2000s

Bobby Fischer photo
Jon Voight photo

“I may go down in history as the guy who killed Pluto.”

Dinky Pluto loses its status as planet, authorKole, William J., Associated Press, 2006-08-24, 2006-08-28 http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060824/ap_on_sc/planet_mutiny,

John Updike photo
Christopher Walken photo

“Well, I don't play heroes obviously. I never played the guy who gets the girl. It might be interesting to do a part where I was a father in a functional family.”

Christopher Walken (1943) American actor

Hap Erstein (October 29, 2004) "Walken Doesn't Mind Playing Creepy Type - As Long As He's Cast", The Palm Beach Post, p. 9.

Billy Connolly photo
Doug Hall photo

“I'm the only guy who actually invented anything of the judges. They got a couple of advertising hacks, and a venture capitalist.”

Doug Hall (1944) American television personality

Denver Post Doug Hall of "Inventor" invents a lot, but not the truth http://www.denverpost.com/entertainment/ci_3645379

June Vincent photo
Phil Brooks photo

“I would love to talk to you about that, Josh, but there's something else I want to bring up, and that's this. (Holds up a screenplay entitled "Live For The Moment: The Jeff Hardy Story") I had a friend in a fancy Hollywood agency the other day, and he ran across this little gem. Somebody actually took the time to write a screenplay about the Jeff Hardy story. So I was paging through it, and lo and behold, it culminates, of course, with Jeff conquering his demons and beating me her tonight in a TLC match at SummerSlam. What a great feelgood story, Josh, all except, of course, for the ending, which is not reality-based. It's fake, it's phony, just like everybody who lives in this town. I'd go as far as to say that I'm the only real person in this building right now. I wish I could say it's a Los Angeles epidemic, but the fact is it's worldwide. You have people that falsely idolize what they see in movies and on television; you have housewives in Iowa that subscribe to U. S. Weekly, US Weekly, or whatever it's called, so they can model their hair after Kate Gosselin, instead of helping their own children with their homework; you have little kids all over the world, millions of them, who idolize the "hip, cool star", and it doesn't matter if that hip cool star is some dork vampire in Twilight, or if it's Jeff Hardy. It doesn't matter if that hip cool star has a reprehensible, reckless lifestyle. You know, it doesn't matter if the collective intelligence of this entire country continues to spiral downward, day in and day out. It doesn't matter as long as it's cool, right? You know why they don't make movies about a guy like me? It's cause I don't support your poisoned society. I don't support this den of iniquity known as Hollywood. No, instead, I'm dismissed as being preachy, except I'm not preachy—I never have been. I just tell the truth. You know, I'm not a screenwriter either, but tonight I think I'll take a stab at it. Tonight I'm gonna rewrite the ending of "The Jeff Hardy Story."”

Phil Brooks (1978) American professional wrestler and mixed martial artist

It's gonna be horrifying. It's gonna be very, very graphic. It might be hard to watch for a lot of people, but it will have a happy ending: new World Heavyweight Champion—CM Punk.
At SummerSlam
Friday Night SmackDown

Charlie Sheen photo

“(on Ashton Kutcher) It's hard to give advice to a guy that accomplished. I would just give him a hug and just say, "Make me proud, dude."”

Charlie Sheen (1965) American film and television actor

On The Tonight Show with Jay Leno September 15, 2011

Ron White photo

“She got convinced in her crazy head that I had sex with this girl in Columbus, Ohio…and I did, and I'll tell you why. When you enter into a monogamous relationship with somebody, you usually do it at a point in the relationship when you're having a lot of sex. So you're willing to sign the papers. "I'll only have sex with you, ever-ever-ever…ever." Well, if that person stops having sex altogether… why, you find yourself in quite a pickle. I'm a pretty good dog, but if you don't pet me every once in awhile, it's hard to keep me under the porch. I'm not as flexible as real dog. And I'll tell you what happened, too. I was in Columbus, Ohio, and I haven't been laid in three months. Three months! You can't go three months without having sex with me. I'll go have sex with somebody else. I know, I've seen me do it. I did a show one night. I came offstage, there's gorgeous woman, maybe 35, 40 years old, long black dress, slit up to her waist, GORGEOUS. Gimme a second. Just…And I walk off stage, she goes, "I thought you were hilarious. I wanna buy you a drink." I'm like, "I can't do that, I'm married." And she says, "I didn't ask if you wanna have sex, big boy. I asked if you wanna have a drink at my place."…Alright. Now, you know of that little guy that sits on your shoulder and reminds you of your prior commitments and your moral fortitude? I didn't hear a peep out of that guy. He hadn't been laid in 3 months either. He was speechless for like 20 minutes then he was like, "Suck her titty!"…"I was gonna!" I was having a 3-way with my conscience. Soon as the whole thing's over, he's back at his post, saying, "That was wrong, mister!" "Hey! 15 minutes ago, you were beating off on my shoulder, monkey boy!"”

Ron White (1956) American comedian

I hate him. He smokes pot. He burned a hole in my other jacket.
They Call Me Tater Salad

Dinesh D'Souza photo
Herman Kahn photo
Kathy Griffin photo

“I would rather blow a guy in the bathroom at White Castle in between sliders…because I'm romantic!”

Kathy Griffin (1960) American actress and comedian

Straight To Hell (2007)

Robert Crumb photo

“You might recognize me, I'm the fourth guy from the left on evolutionary chart.”

Jay London (1966) American comedian

One-liners