Bill Watterson Quotes

“People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.”

“Calvin: In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.
p58”

“I say, if your knees aren’t green by the end of the day, you ought to seriously re-examine your life.”

“You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D's in school. Well guess what, I get F's!!!”

“I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.”

“I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.”

“I thought my life would seem more interesting with a musical score and a laugh track.”

“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.”

“Life is like topography, Hobbes. There are summits of happiness and success, flat stretches of boring routine and valleys of frustration and failure.”

“Calvin: History is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction. That's why events are always reinterpreted when values change. We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices.
p152”

“I'm a misunderstood genius."
"What's misunderstood?"
"Nobody thinks I'm a genius.”

“Calvin: I think nighttime is dark so you can imagine your fears with less distraction.
p77”

“Hobbes: Do you think there's a God?
Calvin: Well, somebody's out to get me!”

“Calvin: Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we can think faster than we speak?.
Hobbes: Probably so we can think twice.
p.171”

“I've been thinking Hobbes"
"On a weekend?"
"Well, it wasn't on purpose”

“It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept.”

“Calvin: You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help.
p33”

“I wish I had more friends, but people are such jerks. If you can just get most people to leave you alone, you're doing good. If you can find even one person you really like, you're lucky. And if that person can also stand you, you're really lucky.”

“There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.”

“Dad, how do soldiers killing each other solve the world's problems?”

“Calvin: As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway.
p25”

“We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are.”

“Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said 'I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these when I squeeze ’em?”

“That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!”

“If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I'll bet they'd live a lot differently.”

“When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back.”

“Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.”

“I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know.”

“I'm learning skills I will use for the rest of my life by doing homework… procrastinating and negotiation.”

“I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep my expectations.”

“I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient's friends.”

“God put me on earth to accomplish certain things. Right now, I’m so far behind, I’ll never die.”

“You know, sometimes the world seems like a pretty mean place.'

'That's why animals are so soft and huggy.”

“I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can play together all night.”

“Calvin: That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse.
p190”

“You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go.”

“Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.”

“Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you're just a reflection of him?”

“How come we play war and not peace?"
"Too few role models.”

“Calvin: I'd hate to think that all my current experiences will someday become stories with no point.
p39”

“Calvin: There's no problem so awful that you can't add some guilt to it and make it even worse!
p100”

“Calvin: Life's a lot more fun when you're not responsible for your actions.
p152”

“They say the secret of success is being at the right place at the right time, but since you never know when the right time is going to be, I figure the trick is to find the right place and just hang around.”

“Rainy days should be spent at home with a cup of tea and a good book.”

“I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal.”

“I like my smock. You can tell the quality of the artist by the quality of his smock. Actually, I just like to say smock. Smock smock smock smock smock smock.”

“A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.”

“Hello Dad! It is now three in the morning. Do you know where I am?”

“The world isn't fair, Calvin."
"I know Dad, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?”

“I'd hate to have a kid like me.”

“What fun is it being cool if you can't wear a sombrero?”

“Calvin: From now on, I'm not doing anything I don't want to do! The world owes me happiness, fulfillment and success…. I'm just here to cash in.
p145”

“Now what state do you live in?'
'Denial.”

“Calvin: Why are you crying mom?
Mom: I'm cutting up an onion.
Calvin: It must be hard to cook if you anthrpomorphisize your vegetables.”

“To invent your own life's meaning is not easy, but it's still allowed, and I think you'll be happier for the trouble.”

“If you can't control your peanut butter, you can't expect to control your life.”

“Well, remember what you said, because in a day or two, I'll have a witty and blistering retort! You'll be devastated THEN”

“Calvin: Girls are like slugs—they probably serve some purpose, but it's hard to imagine what.
p71”

“Every time I've built character, I've regretted it.”

“I wonder if you can refuse to inherit the world.”

“If you can't win by reason, go for volume.”

“Careful. We don't want to learn from this.”

“A day can really slip by when you're deliberately avoiding what you're supposed to do.”

“The problem about the future is that it keeps turning into the present.”

“Calvin: I won't eat any cereal that doesn't turn the milk purple.
p86”

“Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.”