Bill Watterson Quotes

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“CALVIN:
When I grow up I want to be an inventor. First I will invent a time machine. Then I'll come back to yesterday and take myself to tomorrow and skip this dumb assignment.”

“Years from now, when I'm successful and happy,… and he's in prison… I hope I'm not too mature to gloat.”

“CALVIN:
As usual goodness hardly puts up a fight.”

“I'm related to people I don't relate to.”

“I'm not a vegetarian! I'm a dessertarian!”

“People pay more attention when they think you’re up to something.”

“Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I'd say our afternoon just got booked solid!”

“In the short term, it would make me happy to go play outside. In the long term, it would make me happier to do well at school and become successful. But in the VERY long term, I know which will make better memories.”

“For no reason I can think of, I've wandered far astray. And that is how I got to where I find myself today.”

“The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning and inhibit clarity.”

“Calvin: Know what I pray for?
Hobbes: What?
Calvin: The strength to change what I can, the inability to accept what I can't, and the incapacity to tell the difference.”

“Calvin: Mom and Dad say I should make my life an example of the principles I believe in…But every time I do, they tell me to stop it.
p.140”

“The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that's even worse”

“I've got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts.”

“Calvin: It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what's cool.
p19”

“That's the whole problem with science. You've got a bunch of empiricists trying to describe things of unimaginable wonder.”

“Why waste time learning when ignorance is instantaneous.
---Hobbes”

“HOBBES:
If you don't get a goodnight kiss you get Kafka dreams.”

“If good things lasted forever, would we appreciate how precious they are?”

“Isn't it sad how some people's grip on their lives is so precarious that they'll embrace any preposterous delusion rather than face an occasional bleak truth?”

“People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children.”

“I'm a 21st-century kid trapped in a 19th-century family.”

“We all have different desires and needs, but if we don't discover what we want from ourselves and what we stand for, we will live passively and unfulfilled.”

“Yakka foob mog. Grug pubbawup zink wattoom gazork. Chumble spuzz. I love loopholes.”

“I liked things better when I didn't understand them.”

“HOBBES:
Virtue needs some cheaper thrills.”

“Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience.”

“Reading goes faster if you don't sweat comprehension.”

“I have all these great genes, but they're recessive. That's the problem here.”

“Hey Dad, will you buy me a flame thrower?

Of course not. Don't be silly.

Even if I didn't use it in the house?”

“I like maxims that don't encourage behavior modification.
-Calvin”

“Leave it to a girl to take all the fun out of sex discrimination.
-Calvin”

“You can present the material, but you can't make me care.”

“Calvin is hammering nails into coffee table.
Mom: CALVIN WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THE COFFEE TABLE?!?
Calvin: Is this some sort of trick question, or what?”

“I keep forgetting that rules are only for little nice people.”

“Often it takes some calamity to make us live in the present. Then suddenly we wake up and see all the mistakes we have made.”

“Calvin: Dad where do babies come from?
Dad: Well Calvin, you simply go to Sears, buy the kit and follow the assembly instructions.
Calvin: I came from Sears?
Dad: No you were a blue-light special at K-Mart - almost as good and a lot cheaper!”

“Everybody I know fails the acid test of friendship.”

“Calvin: Happiness is being famous for your financial ability to indulge in every kind of excess.
p35”

“At school, new ideas are thrust at you every day. Out in the world, you'll have to find your inner motivation to seek for new ideas on your own.”

“Calvin: As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You've taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations.
p.90”

“CALVIN:
Our hero regains consciousness at the feet of a sarcastic alien.”

“Specifically, I’d like to debate whether cannibalism ought to be grounds for leniency in murders, since it’s less wasteful.”

“Life is full of surprises, but never when you need one.”

“It's a magical world, Hobbes, ol' buddy… Let's go exploring!”

“The problem with people is that they're only human.”

“I'm crying because out there he's gone, but he's not gone inside me.”

“Hey Susie Derkins, is that your face, or is a 'possum stuck in your collar?”

“Calvin: But Calvin is no kind and loving god! He's one of the old gods! He demands sacrifice!
p99”