Charlie Brooker Quotes

Charlton "Charlie" Brooker is an English humourist, critic, author, screenwriter, producer, and presenter. He is the creator of the anthology series Black Mirror.

In addition to writing for programmes such as Black Mirror, Brass Eye, The 11 O'Clock Show and Nathan Barley, Brooker has presented a number of television shows, including Screenwipe, Gameswipe, Newswipe, Weekly Wipe, and 10 O'Clock Live. He also wrote a five-part horror drama, Dead Set. He has written comment pieces for The Guardian and is one of four creative directors of the production company Zeppotron.

✵ 3. March 1971
Charlie Brooker photo
Charlie Brooker: 58   quotes 2   likes

Famous Charlie Brooker Quotes

“Man the lifeboats. The idiots are winning.”

The Guardian, 7 April 2008, http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2008/apr/07/education
Guardian columns

“The upper classes really shouldn't open their mouths on television. Whatever it is they're saying, all your brain actually hears is "Tra la la, I live in a bubble, tra la la, murder a fox, tra la la, Conde Nast Traveller, tra la la, Kensington High Street, tra la la."”

They should know their place and keep quiet.
On Trinny Woodall and Susannah Constantine in What Not to Wear
[Screen Burn, The Guardian, 8 December 2001]
Guardian columns, Screen Burn

“Anyway, Big Brother 7: that was that. Big Brother 8 is scheduled to take place in the glowing centre of an irradiated war-torn wasteland formerly known as Earth. See you there.”

The Guardian, 12 August 2006 http://www.guardian.co.uk/theguide/columnists/story/0,,1841441,00.html
Guardian columns, Big Brother

Charlie Brooker Quotes about thinking

“That's certainly made me think. It's made me think I don't want a television any more.”

Discussing the end sequence of "The Execution of Gary Glitter" on Screenwipe Review of the Year 2009
Screenwipe

“A lot of people think right-wingers aren't capable of being amusing at all. Not true. Mussolini looked hilarious swinging from that lamppost.”

Screen Burn, The Guardian, 24 February 2007, 2007-08-19 http://www.guardian.co.uk/theguide/columnists/story/0,,2019169,00.html,
Guardian columns, Screen Burn

Charlie Brooker: Trending quotes

Charlie Brooker Quotes

“In summary, our world is doomed.”

Screenwipe S4E4
Discussing My Super Sweet Sixteen
Screenwipe

“If you truly believe you need to pick a mobile phone that "says something" about your personality, don't bother. You don't have a personality. A mental illness, maybe - but not a personality.”

The Guardian, 5 February 2007, I hate Macs http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/story/0,,2006031,00.html
Guardian columns

“Oh good, this is hardly ever on.”

Screenwipe S2E1
While watching a Frosties advert, famous for being shown almost constantly
Screenwipe

“Well, babies are notoriously foul-mouthed. [shot of Charlie pointing at a doll] This one just called Derek a prick!”

Screenwipe S2E2
On Derek Ogilvy, the "Baby Mind Reader", apparently reading a baby's mind and finding it is swearing
Screenwipe

“Even if the Jabscreen 4 was reportedly biting users' ears off and spitting them into a ditch, every Jabscreen 3 user is going to wind up buying one anyway.”

The Guardian 5 July 2010. http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2010/jul/05/iphone-4-apple-new
Guardian columns

“Balls to aspiration, it's a tosser's mirage.”

Screenwipe S2E1
Discussing "aspirational" programming and its ill effects
Screenwipe

“God has far better things to do than creating self-important little species such as ours. He's got wars, deaths, disasters and diseases to ignore for starters. And a fair bit of not-exist-ing-at-all to be getting on with.”

The Guardian, 4 December 2006, When it comes to psychics, my stance is hardcore: they must die alone in windowless cells http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/story/0,,1963337,00.html
Guardian columns

“If love were a product, the queue at the faulty goods desk would stretch right round the universe and back. It doesn't work properly. The seams come apart and it's full of powdered glass.”

The Guardian, 25 August 2006, Supposing... It's time to smother romance in its sleep http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/story/0,,1858034,00.html
Guardian columns

“Don't accuse anyone with the temerity to question your sad supernatural fantasies of having a 'closed mind' or being 'blind to possibilities'. A closed mind asks no questions, unthinkingly accepting that which it wants to believe. The blindness is all yours.”

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/story/0,,1963337,00.html
The Guardian, 4 December 2006, When it comes to psychics, my stance is hardcore: they must die alone in windowless cells http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/story/0,,1963337,00.html
Guardian columns

“He could probably make you a cloud sandwich if you asked. Or a blancmange made of numbers.”

On Heston Blumenthal.
[Screen Burn, http://www.guardian.co.uk/theguide/columnists/story/0,,2193905,00.html, The Guardian, 20 October 2007, 2007-11-02]
Guardian columns, Screen Burn

“You can't press a button to make Phil Mitchell jump over a turtle and land on a cloud (unless you've recently ingested a load of military-grade hallucinogens, in which case you can also make him climb inside his own face and start whistling colours).”

The Guardian, 20 November 2006, Reality bytes back http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/story/0,,1952430,00.html
On video games
Guardian columns

“Forgive my pants for remaining unshitten.”

Discussing Twilight in The Guardian 12 July 2010. http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2010/jul/12/charlie-booker-twilights-unscary-monsters
Guardian columns

“Hello, I'm Charlie Brooker and you're watching Screenwipe, a programme all about television.”

Introductory message on every episode of Screenwipe, usually said in an odd way (for example, with Brooker slapping himself as he says it).
Screenwipe

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