Charlie Brooker: Likeness

Charlie Brooker is journalist, broadcaster and writer from England. Explore interesting quotes on likeness.
Charlie Brooker: 116 quotes2 likes

“Newspapers chiefly exist to spooned the opinions of their readers back to them, much like an arse to mouth hosepipe.”

Charlie Brooker

2013 Wipe
Weekly Wipe

“Fortunately for whining snotface, the party itself goes with a bang. She enters looking every inch the cosseted flesh-waste she is, and her and her nauseating idiot scumbag friends celebrate into the night: dancing, shrieking, acting like pillocks, and generally making you feel like getting down on your knees and praying for a nuclear holocaust.”

Charlie Brooker

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“I usually quite like women, but this advert makes me want to kill about 900 of them with my bare hands. It ends with the tiresome ladettes marching down a high street triumphantly singing the Here Come the Girls song out loud, like an invading squadron tormenting the natives with its war cry. Next year they'll probably be armed. Fear this.”

Charlie Brooker

The Guardian 16 November 2009. http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/nov/16/charlie-brooker-christmas-television-adverts <br class="br">Guardian columns

“But once I had a Jabscreen of my own, I soon discovered the novelty lasts six months, tops. There's a limit to how many conversations you can have about it before you reach burnout. Have you seen the app which takes your photo and makes it look like you're really fat? Yes. And the game where you land all the planes on the runway? Yes, that too. Hey, how about this thing with the funny red monster that repeats everything you say? Please leave me. Please just leave me here to die.”

Charlie Brooker

Guardian columns

“In many ways, Big Brother is the present day equivalent of a 1980s Club 18-30 Holiday - flirting, sunbathing, silly little organised games, and lots of people you'd like to remove from the genepool with a cricket bat.”

Charlie Brooker

The Guardian, 10 June 2006 http://www.guardian.co.uk/theguide/columnists/story/0,,1793019,00.html <br class="br">Guardian columns, Big Brother

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, which is a pity because this week the National Association of Beholders wrote to tell me that I've got a face like a rucksack full of dented bells.”

Charlie Brooker

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“It's a rum state of affairs when you feel like punching a jar of mayonnaise in the face.”

Charlie Brooker

Guardian columns

“If you're hell-bent on making your bank look and sound like a simpleton, a desk labelled Travel Money is still a bit too formal. Why not call it Oooh! Look at the Funny Foreign Banknotes instead? And accompany it with a doodle of a French onion-seller riding a bike, with a little black beret on his head and a baguette up his arse and a speech bubble saying, "Zut Alors! Here is where you gettez les Francs!"”

Charlie Brooker

The Guardian, 6 November 2006, The banks are coming over all chummy. It&#x27;s nauseating http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/story/0,,1940584,00.html <br class="br">On Barclays&#x27; rebranding in an attempt to make themselves appear less stuffy <br class="br">Guardian columns

“I won't get over that in a hurry: my least favourite atrophied Hazel McWitch lookalike in the world, singing "I just want to make love to you", right there on primetime telly. She has to be the only person on Earth who can take a lyric like that and make it seem like a blood-curdling threat without changing any of the words.”

Charlie Brooker

On Gillian McKeith singing
[Screen Burn, http://www.guardian.co.uk/theguide/columnists/story/0,,1788457,00.html, The Guardian, 3 June 2006, 2007-08-19]
Guardian columns, Screen Burn

“The second Transformers movie came out this year. I didn't fight for a ticket. I'd caught the first one by accident. It was like being pinned to the ground while an angry dishwasher shat in your face for two hours. Any human dumb enough to voluntarily sit through a second helping of that unremitting fecal spew really ought to just get up and leave the planet via the nearest window before their continued presence does lasting damage to the gene pool.”

Charlie Brooker

The Guardian, 3 August, 2009 http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/aug/03/hollywood-ideas-charlie-brooker <br class="br">Guardian columns

“One of the side-effects of having your work appear in a public forum such as this is that people often email me asking for advice on how to break into writing, presumably figuring that if a drooling gum-brain like me can scrape a living witlessly pawing at a keyboard, there's hope for anyone.”

Charlie Brooker

Guardian columns

“The insomniac brain comes in various flavours; different personality types you're forced to share your skull with for several hours. It's like being trapped in a lift with someone who won't shut up. Sometimes your companion is a peppy irritant who passes the time by humming half- remembered TV theme tunes until 7am. Other times it's a morose critic who has recently compiled a 1,500-page report on your innumerable failings and wants to run over it with you a few times before going to print. Worst of all is the hyper-aware sportscaster who offers an uninterrupted commentary describing which bits of your body are currently the least comfortable. No matter where you put that leg, he won't be satisfied. And he's convinced you've got one arm too many.”

Charlie Brooker

The Guardian 26 October 2009. http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/oct/26/charlie-brooker-sleeping-lessons <br class="br">Guardian columns