Charlie Brooker: Trending quotes

“The upper classes really shouldn't open their mouths on television. Whatever it is they're saying, all your brain actually hears is "Tra la la, I live in a bubble, tra la la, murder a fox, tra la la, Conde Nast Traveller, tra la la, Kensington High Street, tra la la."”

Charlie Brooker

They should know their place and keep quiet.
On Trinny Woodall and Susannah Constantine in What Not to Wear
[Screen Burn, The Guardian, 8 December 2001]
Guardian columns, Screen Burn

Travel

“Man the lifeboats. The idiots are winning.”

Charlie Brooker

The Guardian, 7 April 2008, http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2008/apr/07/education
Guardian columns

“Darwin's theory of evolution was simple, beautiful, majestic and awe-inspiring. But because it contradicts the allegorical babblings of a bunch of made-up old books, it's been under attack since day one. That's just tough luck for Darwin. If the Bible had contained a passage that claimed gravity is caused by God pulling objects toward the ground with magic invisible threads, we'd still be debating Newton with idiots too.”

Charlie Brooker

The Guardian 2 August 2008. http://www.guardian.co.uk/culture/2008/aug/02/television.television
Guardian columns

God , Books , Beauty

“Until this week the one thing I knew about the Twilight saga was that it had vampires in it, which was enough to put me off. I didn't realise it was a romantic fantasy aimed at teenage girls. Turns out it's possible to be put off something twice before you've actually seen it.”

Charlie Brooker

Guardian columns

Girl

“Anyway, Big Brother 7: that was that. Big Brother 8 is scheduled to take place in the glowing centre of an irradiated war-torn wasteland formerly known as Earth. See you there.”

Charlie Brooker

The Guardian, 12 August 2006 http://www.guardian.co.uk/theguide/columnists/story/0,,1841441,00.html
Guardian columns, Big Brother

War

“Combine the "mounting pressure" with the "growing cause" and you've got yourself a "media whirlwind" which you can also refer to.”

Charlie Brooker

S2E5
Newswipe

“On November 2, the entire civilised world will be praying, praying Bush loses. And Sod's law dictates he'll probably win, thereby disproving the existence of God once and for all. The world will endure four more years of idiocy, arrogance and unwarranted bloodshed, with no benevolent deity to watch over and save us. John Wilkes Booth, Lee Harvey Oswald, John Hinckley Jr - where are you now that we need you?”

Charlie Brooker

The Guardian, 23 October 2004, Dumb show, http://home.valornet.com/rolandtignor/demoncrats20.htm http://www.ocregister.com/opinion/obama-barack-america-1981504-new-first
Guardian columns

God , World , Law

“Newspapers chiefly exist to spooned the opinions of their readers back to them, much like an arse to mouth hosepipe.”

Charlie Brooker

2013 Wipe
Weekly Wipe

“Sport belongs in a news bulletin about as much as a mummified cat's head belongs in a Caesar salad.”

Charlie Brooker

Newswipe

Cats , Sport

“Fictional serial killers are usually more pretentious than frightening, perpetually quoting Milton or arranging their victims in poses designed to evoke the martyrdom of St Sebastian. What are you, a cold-blooded murderer or the controller of Radio 3?”

Charlie Brooker

Guardian columns

Quotes

“In summary, our world is doomed.”

Charlie Brooker

Screenwipe S4E4
Discussing My Super Sweet Sixteen
Screenwipe

World

“Fortunately for whining snotface, the party itself goes with a bang. She enters looking every inch the cosseted flesh-waste she is, and her and her nauseating idiot scumbag friends celebrate into the night: dancing, shrieking, acting like pillocks, and generally making you feel like getting down on your knees and praying for a nuclear holocaust.”

Charlie Brooker

Screenwipe

Feeling , Dance , Night

“I hate Macs. I have always hated Macs. I hate people who use Macs. I even hate people who don't use Macs but sometimes wish they did. Macs are glorified Fisher-Price activity centres for adults; computers for scaredy cats too nervous to learn how proper computers work; computers for people who earnestly believe in feng shui.”

Charlie Brooker

Guardian columns

Hate , People , Cats , Learning

“If you truly believe you need to pick a mobile phone that "says something" about your personality, don't bother. You don't have a personality. A mental illness, maybe - but not a personality.”

Charlie Brooker

The Guardian, 5 February 2007, I hate Macs http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/story/0,,2006031,00.html
Guardian columns

Personality

“Maybe you've put your faith in spiritual claptrap because our random, narrative-free universe terrifies you. But that's no solution. If you want comforting, suck your thumb. Buy a pillow. Don't make up a load of floaty blah about energy or destiny. This is the real world, stupid. We should be solving problems, not sticking our fingers in our ears and singing about fairies.”

Charlie Brooker

[Screen Burn, http://www.guardian.co.uk/theguide/columnists/story/0,,2145124,00.html, The Guardian, 11 August 2007, 2007-08-19]
Guardian columns, Screen Burn

Stupidity , World , Faith , Problem

“…the news might be single-handedly trying to bring about an environmental catastrophe, which it will then report on.”

Charlie Brooker

Newswipe