Quotes about grandmothers

A collection of quotes on the topic of family, moms, grandma, herring.

Best quotes about grandmothers

“I shot that sucker right in the gumpy."
Grandma Mazur”

Source: One for the Money

Quotes about grandmothers

“Lies don't fix things. They don't even make things easier, at least not in the long run. Best to tell the truth then clean up an honest mess" P. C. Cast ( Grandma Redbird)… So wish People would understand this!!”

P. C. Cast (1960) American writer

People, Truth, Understanding

“Oh, Zoeybird, did I call your mother's husband a damn turd monkey outloud?'
'Yes, Grandma, you did.'
She looked at me, her dark eyes sparkling. 'Good.”

P. C. Cast book Chosen

Source: Chosen

“That man is such a damn turd monkey."
"Grandma!" I said.
"Oh, Zoeybird, did I just call your mother's husband a damn turd monkey out loud?"
"Yes, Grandma, you did."
She looked at me, her dark eyes sparkling. "Good.”

P. C. Cast (1960) American writer

“Grandma Redbird: Honey, you have to move past this.
Zoey: How Grandma?
Grandma Redbird: By living the life she'd be proud of you for living.”

Kristin Cast book Betrayed

Source: Betrayed

Life, Past

“That man is such a damn turd monkey."
"Grandma!" I said.
"Oh, Zoeybird, did I call your mother's husband a damn turd monkey out loud?"
"Yes, Grandma, you did."
She looked at me, her dark eyes sparkling. "Good.”

Kristin Cast book Chosen

Source: Chosen

“I know it's past visiting hours
But can I please give her these flowers
You know the best medicine go to people thats paid,
If Magic Johnson got a cure for A. I. D. S.
And all the broke muthafuckers past away
You telling me if my grandma was in the N. B. A.
Right now she'd be ok?
But since she was just a secretary
Working for the church
For thirty five years
Things sposed to stop right here”

Kanye West (1977) American rapper, singer and songwriter

Roses
Lyrics, Late Registration (2005)

People, Flowers, Past

“I met a real looker. He picked me up at the two dollar slot machines, so you know he's no cheapskate."
Grandma Mazur”

Janet Evanovich Four to Score

Source: Four to Score

“Maryse had spoken to her son’s partner with affection she had never shown before, and now she wanted to hold the baby. Maryse was experiencing full-on grandma fever. The Lightwoods thought he and Alec were keeping the baby.”

Cassandra Clare (1973) American author

Source: Born to Endless Night

Baby

“Last year when my grandma fell and broke her hip she couldn't paint her toenails anymore. So my grandpa started doing it for her, even after he fell and broke his hip, too. For me, that's love.”

David Ebershoff book The 19th Wife

Source: The 19th Wife

Love, Painting

“Grandma said […] when you come on something that is good, first thing to do is share it with whoever you can find; that way, the good spreads out to where no telling it will go.”

Forrest Carter book The Education of Little Tree

Source: The Education of Little Tree

Way

“Mom told me, “It probably gets pretty lonely to be Grandma, don’t you think?” I told her, “It probably gets pretty lonely to be anyone.”

Jonathan Safran Foer book Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

Source: Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

Moms, Thinking

“So, if you have a grandma, thank the good Lord above, and give your grandmamma hugs and kisses, for grandmothers are to love.”

Lois Wyse (1926–2007) American advertising executive

Love, Kiss

“The dog ran into the kitchen, stuck his nose in Grandma's crotch, and snuffled.
Dang," Grandma said. "Guess my new perfume really works. I'm gonna have to try it out at the seniors meeting.”

Janet Evanovich book Hot Six

Source: Hot Six

Dogs

“[Stephanie Plum]Jeez. No True Love"
[Grandma Mazur] There's always been true love, but in my day, you either talked yourself into thinking you had it, or you talked yourself into thinking you didn't need it.”

Janet Evanovich (1943) Novelist

Source: Explosive Eighteen

Love, Thinking

“Was it weird having a witch grandma? Scary? Was she always, like, threatening to cast spells if you were bad?"
"Most of the time she just threatened to send me to my room."
"That doesn't sound so scary to me."
"That's because you haven't met her.”

Richelle Mead Shadow Kiss

Source: Shadow Kiss

Time

“Mom?" Mother turned to Grandmother.
"What?"
"She's going to lunch with her kidnapper!"
"Take a picture for me," Grandma said.”

Ilona Andrews American husband-and-wife novelist duo

Source: Burn for Me

Moms

“I was watching television and I saw how you stick your fingers in a person's eyes to slow them down."
Grandma Mazur”

Janet Evanovich Two for the Dough

Source: Two for the Dough

Personality

“For the last year his grandma had been slipping in and out of reality. One minute she was as clear as a bell and the next she was calling him Simon. Who was Simon? He had no idea.”

Suzanne Collins book Gregor the Overlander

Source: Gregor the Overlander

Idea, Reality

“I buried a nickel under the porch when I was 8, she said, but one day my grandma died & they sold the house & I never got to go back for it.
A nickel used to mean something, I said.
She nodded. It still does, she said & then she started to cry.”

Brian Andreas (1956) American artist

Source: Story People: Selected Stories & Drawings of Brian Andreas

Housing, Cry

“Aren't you something," Grandma said. "I never saw a midget up close."
"Little person," Briggs said. "And I never saw anyone as old as you up close, either.”

Janet Evanovich High Five

Source: High Five

Personality

“… For all the days of our lives," we finished and I felt a little like a character in one of my grandma's soap operas…”

Ally Carter I'd Tell You I Love You, But Then I'd Have to Kill You

Source: I'd Tell You I Love You, But Then I'd Have to Kill You

“Whoa!" she says as I plow into her. " What are you DOING? Get off me!" I hang on tight. "Can't a girl just hug her big sister?" She stops fighting me. "Are you dying? Am I dying? Did Grandma die? I laugh. "No one died." "Then get off!”

Wendy Mass (1967) American children's writer

Source: 11 Birthdays

Girl, Sister, Fight

“I'll not have my grandson subjected to the humiliation of his reading becoming public. We have to cope with this disgrace discreetly -- Grandma Ruth”

Brandon Mull (1974) American fiction writer

Source: Grip of the Shadow Plague

Reading

“Grandma frowned and yelled something in Russian. She could have been saying, 'Open up, your best friend is here.' On the other hand, it could have been, 'America is a great country because of canned ravioli.”

Laurie Halse Anderson (1961) American children's writer

Source: Prom

Country

“It's a penis,' Grandma said. 'Stephanie got it in the mail. It's a pretty good one too.”

Janet Evanovich Two for the Dough

Source: Two for the Dough

“Once heaven is done with grandma, we'd like her back, thanks.”

Mitch Albom For One More Day

Source: For One More Day

“Almost everybody I know has died,” Grandma said. “Bunch of wimps.”

Janet Evanovich High Five

Source: High Five

“The man, who was probably an itinerant traditional circumciser from the blacksmith clan, picked up a pair of scissors. With the other hand, he caught hold of the place between my legs and started tweaking it, like Grandma milking a goat. "There it is, the kintir," one of the women said. Then the scissors went down between my legs and the man cut off my inner labia and clitoris. I heard it, like a butcher snipping the fat off a piece of meat. A piercing pain shot up between my legs, indescribable, and I howled. Then came the sewing: the long, blunt needle clumsily pushed into my bleeding outer labia, my loud and anguished protests, Grandma's words of comfort and encouragement. "It's just this once in your life, Ayaan. Be brave, it's almost finished."”

Ayaan Hirsi Ali book Infidel

When the sewing was finished, he cut the thread off with his teeth.
Source: Infidel (2007), Chapter 2: Under the Talal Tree

Life, Women, Pain

“Necessity first mothered invention. Now invention has little ones of her own, and they look just like grandma.”

E. B. White (1899–1985) American writer

"The Old and the New," The New Yorker (19 June 1937)

“We walk to the ward from the badly parked car
with your grandma taking four short steps to our two.
We have brought her here to die and we know it.”

Simon Armitage (1963) Poet, playwright, novelist

'November', from Zoom.

Cars

“Each year she taught him the names of the flowers in her language and in his, and from one year to the next he could not even remember the English. For nearly thirty years Sabbath had been exiled in these mountains, and still he could name hardly anything. They didn't have this stuff where he came from. All these things growing were beside the point there. He was from the shore. There was sand and ocean, horizon and sky, daytime and nighttime - the light, the dark, the tide, the stars, the boats, the sun, the mists, the gulls. There were the jetties, the piers, the boardwalk, the booming, silent, limitless sea. Where he grew up they had the Atlantic. You could touch with your toes where America began. They lived in a stucco bungalow two short streets from the edge of America. The house. The porch. The screens. The icebox. The tub. The linoleum. The broom. The pantry. The ants. The sofa. The radio. The garage. The outside shower with the slatted wooden floor Morty had built and the drain that always clogged. In summer, the salty sea breeze and the dazling light; in September, the hurricanes; in January, the storms. They had January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, November, December. And then January. And then again January, no end to the stockpile of Januaries, of Mays, of Marches. August, December, April - name a month, and they had it in spades. They'd had endlessness. He had grown up on endlessness and his mother - in the beginning they were the same thing. His mother, his mother, his mother, his mother, his mother… and then there was his mother, his father, Grandma, Morty, and the Atlantic at the end of the street. The ocean, the beach, the first two streets in America, then the house, and in the house a mother who never stopped whistlîg until December 1944. If Morty had come alive, if the endlessness had ended naturally instead of with the telegram, if after the war Morty had started doing electrical work and plumbing for people, had become a builder at the shore, gone into the construction business just as the boom in Monmouth County was beginning…Didn't matter. Take your pick. Get betrayed by the fantasy of endlessness or by the fact of finitude. No, Sabbath could only have wound up Sabbath, begging for what he was begging, bound to what he was bound, saying what he did not wish to stop himself from saying.”

Philip Roth book Sabbath's Theater

Sabbath's Theater (1995)

War, People, Mountain, Star

“[BitCoin]'s the greatest scam of modern times. … the poor, the average mom-and-pop, the truck driver and the barber, who put their life savings into this, are going to lose their money, and be told to keep holding on, trust us, the value will go up. And they're gonna go bankrupt. They're gonna lose their life savings. … This is what happened with the dot-com boom, the grandma and grandpa lost their life savings. History is repeating itself. … We have these scamsters, basically, hyping the heck out of it, while all it's being used for is illegal money laundering. … It's simply gonna implode before you know it. And regular people who trust you are gonna lose their shirts. … Would you put your life savings into digital currency? You lose a password and you've lost everything. … They know it's gonna crash and burn. … it crashes and it goes to zero, and people lose their life savings. Don't do it. Get out of it, rather than losing everything you have. Yes, the price might increase, but more likely than not it's gonna be zero before you know it.”

Vivek Wadhwa American academic

Digital Gold or Ponzi Scheme? http://youtube.com/watch?v=mkSw04Guw0E on CNN (6 January 2018, 1045 EST)

Life, Money, People, History

“Grandma asked me to confirm if I had landed in Canada and not any other country. I just pointed my camera towards the different direction where grandma could see some Sardar roaming here and there. ‘Aa ta Kanedda hi lagda hai.’ (it is Canada, indeed) grandma said in joy. We all laughed like anything.”

Gaurav Sharma (author) (1992) Author and novelist

Gone are the Days (2016)

Joy, Country

“Living with Grandma had taught Elizabeth the basic rules. At Grandma’s she had learned that you were either a giver or a taker, predator or prey. And Cassidy Shaw had all the hallmarks of prey”

Lis Wiehl (1961) American legal scholar

Source: Heart of Ice A Triple Threat Novel with April Henry (Thomas Nelson), p. 41

Learning

“My grandpa sells condoms to sailors, He punctures the tips with a pin, My grandma does back-street abortions, My god how the money rolls in.”

Neil Gaiman book Fragile Things

From the Monarch in the Glenn
Fragile Things (2006)

Money, God

“I want to kill Grandma? It’s not respectful to say someone wants to kill Grandma when I spent sixteen years of my life putting my life on the line to protect Grandma.”

Michael Grimm (1970) American politician

Town hall meeting, Staten Island, New York (27 April 2011). http://thehill.com/blogs/floor-action/house/158415-conservative-lawmaker-meets-another-crowd-angered-by-rep-ryans-budget <br class="br">2010s

Life

“Mo: My sister-in-law had her baby! I'm an aunt! My brother's a father! My mother's a grandma! My dad's a…
Sydney: I think I can generalize from there.”

Alison Bechdel book Dykes to Watch Out For

#324, "Trite and True" (1999), collected in Post-DTWOF (2000).
Dykes to Watch Out For

Law, Thinking, Sister, Baby

“It was pretty clear to me and to them. I mean, most of my family are artists; my grandma, she’s a painter and she sleeps during the day and paints all night; she has all these health problems but she’s a devoted and committed artist. I was on the phone with her this morning and she said the best thing which was, ‘I’m in my second childhood, I should enjoy it.’ She’s in her 90s.”

Zoey Deutch (1994) American actress

Interview with Wonderland Magazine https://www.wonderlandmagazine.com/2017/07/14/zoey-deutch/

Health, Family, Problem, Sleep

“Promoting veganism, I think it’s such an important message. … I remember as a child, my grandma instilling in us that no matter how little you think you have, there are always people and beings that are suffering on the planet and have even less than us. As I’ve grown older, the love just continues to grow for all living beings. It breaks my heart when I see animals being mistreated. As we all know, in agriculture, that’s like one of the biggest mistreatments that animals endure in our country. The more I educated myself about the subject, the more I was able to make wiser, more intelligent decisions in my life. … I’ve seen some tremendous positive changes in my health in the last six years when I switched to a plant-based diet … I live by the Golden Rule: treat others as you would like to be treated. And to me, that includes animals as well. They should be loved. They are souls on this planet just like we are.”

Susie Castillo (1979) MTV VJ, Miss USA 2003

"In-Depth with Loving the Silent Tears MC: Susie Castillo (Vegan)", GodsDirectContact.org (2012) http://www.godsdirectcontact.org.tw/eng/news/211/sr_43.htm.

Love, Life, People, Health

“Hochschild’s biggest mistake, though, was one made by almost every popularized housework study: not adequately measuring men’s contribution to work around the home. For example, if mom drives the children to daycare, it’s called housework; if dad drives the family to grandma’s, it isn’t called housework.”

Warren Farrell (1943) author, spokesperson, expert witness, political candidate

Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say (2000)

Men, Children, Family, Home

“Numbers were a mystery to me. I was so far behind. It was only in Nairobi, at age ten, that I figured out anything at all about the way time is calculated: minutes, hours, years. In Saudi Arabia the calendar had been Islamic, based on lunar months; Ethiopia maintained an ancient solar calendar. The year was written 1399 in Saudi Arabia, 1972 in Ethiopia, and 1980 in Kenya and everywhere else. In Ethiopia we even had a different clock: sunrise was called one o'clock and noon was called six. (Even within Kenya, people used two systems for telling time, the British and the Swahili.) The months, the days--everything was conceived differently. Only in Juja Road Primary school did I begin to figure out what people meant when they referred to precise dates and times. Grandma never learned to tell time at all. All her life, noon was when shadows were short, and your age was measured by rainy seasons. She got by perfectly well with her system.”

Ayaan Hirsi Ali book Infidel

Source: Infidel (2007), Chapter 5: Secret Rendezvous, Sex, and the Scent of Sukumawiki

Life, People, Age, School

“Oh, you don't wanna mess with the R-I-double-A
They'll sue you if you burn that CD-R
It doesn't matter if you're a grandma, or a seven-year-old girl
They'll treat you like the evil, hard-bitten, criminal scum you are”

"Weird Al" Yankovic (1959) American singer-songwriter, music producer, accordionist, actor, comedian, writer, satirist, and parodist

"Don't Download This Song", Straight Outta Lynwood (2006).
Song lyrics

Girl, Evil

“[On the subject of late-term abortion] I say a twenty-two year window 'cause you wanna make sure the kid can handle his alcohol. You know, he's a great kid 'till his 21st birthday, gets drunk, punches Grandma and everyone's like "Ohhhh! Adam! You were this close! We are gonna miss you!"”

Christopher Titus (1964) actor, writer, podcaster

Neverlution (2011)

Alcohol, Birthday

“Get in the fast lane, Grandma, the bingo game's ready to roll!”

Mike Lange (1948) Canadian sportscaster

Quoted in Michael Hasch and Karen Price, Ladies and gentlemen, Lange has left the building http://www.pittsburghlive.com/x/pittsburghtrib/sports/penguins/s_460087.html, Trib Live Sports (2006-06-30)

Game

“The earth had more oxygen in the past than it does now. Now you kids are going to be told in textbooks that the earth had no oxygen at the beginning, when life was evolving, called a "reducing atmosphere." That is baloney! […] It could not have evolved with oxygen, or without oxygen! But, if you double the air pressure and increase oxygen, not only does your hemoglobin take on oxygen, like it's supposed to, your plasma will get oxygen saturated, which means you could run hundreds of miles, without getting tired! Adam and Eve didn't need a car. They could run to grandma's.”

Kent Hovind (1953) American young Earth creationist

Creation seminars (2003-2005), The Garden of Eden

Life, Cars, Past

“Grandma, he had often wanted to say, Is this where the world began? For surely it had begun in no other than a place like this. The kitchen, without doubt, was the center of creation, all things revolved about it; it was the pediment that sustained the temple.”

Ray Bradbury book Dandelion Wine

Source: Dandelion Wine (1957), p. 223

World

“And so I go in there, and it's one of them bars, like everyone's drinking beer and there are like, say, twenty people in there and they have maybe, say, seventeen teeth total in the whole place. And I'm not a good fighter, or very good at protecting myself at all, you know! And I thought, well this could - this may not work out. So I saw behind the bar there was this one older woman; she looked like she was in her eighties and she kinda hunched over like I remember my grandma started to do, she kinda, she had curly white hair, and she's all… I thought, well, I could take her…”

Todd Snider (1966) American singer

The Story of the Ballad of the Devil's Backbone Tavern.
Near Truths and Hotel Rooms (2003)
Context: (Spoken) You get out in the desert and there's no signs. And of course it was just me and all my friends, it was all guys in the car, so we drove about another two and a half hours before we ever pulled over and asked anybody where we was. And we were on this thing called the Devil's Backbone Highway, right, so we finally pull into this place uniquely named "The Devil's Backbone Tavern." We go in, and all the guys say I gotta go in, you know. And so I go in there, and it's one of them bars, like everyone's drinking beer and there are like, say, twenty people in there and they have maybe, say, seventeen teeth total in the whole place. And I'm not a good fighter, or very good at protecting myself at all, you know! And I thought, well this could - this may not work out. So I saw behind the bar there was this one older woman; she looked like she was in her eighties and she kinda hunched over like I remember my grandma started to do, she kinda, she had curly white hair, and she's all... I thought, well, I could take her...

People, Drink, Beer

“I like having a puppy that's a bulldog, 'cause it's like having a baby that is also a grandma.”

John Mulaney (1982) American actor and comedian

The Comeback Kid (2015)

Baby

“There have been moments where I laughed at my own family's culture, though it's hard to separate out whether something funny is cultural, or just my grandma specifically.”

Lulu Wang (1983) Asian-American filmmaker

As quoted in "The Farewell writer-director Lulu Wang on the joys of laughing at human nature" in The Verge (17 July 2019) https://www.theverge.com/2019/7/17/20696611/the-farewell-writer-director-lulu-wang-interview-awkwafina

Family

“My spirit animal is a big baboon. When i think about it it really gives me the key adrenaline to push myself further and ask my grandma out”

#1 Broncos Fan

Animals, Thinking