Janet Evanovich Quotes

“Oh good. I love being bait for a homicidal mutilator."
Stephanie Plum”

Source: High Five

“Morelli beeped his truck unlocked. “If you’re looking for your rent-a-cop, I told Ranger you’d be with me this morning.”
“Did he make you take a blood oath that you’d protect me?”
“He asked me if I had adequate health insurance.”

Source: Two for the Dough

Janet Evanovich book To the Nines

Source: To the Nines

“I met a real looker. He picked me up at the two dollar slot machines, so you know he's no cheapskate."
Grandma Mazur”

“Truth is, I'm a good Catholic girl. The faith has always been elusive, but the guilt is intractable.”

Source: Four to Score

Janet Evanovich book Plum Spooky

Source: Plum Spooky

“It's been almost a month since you found a body. I knew you were due."
Carl Costanza - Seven Up”

Janet Evanovich book Seven Up

Source: Seven Up

Janet Evanovich: Trending quotes

“Is that a bulletproof vest? See, now that's so insulting. That's like saying I'm not smart enough to shoot you in the head."
Eddie DeChooch”

Janet Evanovich book Seven Up

Source: Seven Up

“Romance novels are birthday cake and life is often peanut butter and jelly. I think everyone should have lots of delicious romance novels lying around for those times when the peanut butter of life gets stuck to the roof of your mouth.”

“My professional aspirations were simple - I wanted to be an intergalactic princess.”

“I make lots of mistakes. I try hard not to make the same mistake more than three or four times.”

Janet Evanovich Quotes

Janet Evanovich Three to Get Deadly

Source: Three to Get Deadly

“Nice dress. Take it off.”

“Only men you can count on these days are Ben and Jerry.”

“I hate mornings. They start so early.”

Janet Evanovich book Plum Spooky

Source: Plum Spooky

“I like the way you've let your hair go curly," he finally said. "Suits your personality. Lots of energy, not much control, sexy as hell,"
Joe Morelli to Stephanie Plum”

“I'm telling you, it's fu**ing hard to be classy”

Source: One for the Money

“Either get out of bed or else take your clothes off," he said. "I'm not in the mood to compromise.”

Variant: It's fucking hard to be classy
Source: One for the Money

“Calories don’t count if they’re connected to a celebration. Everyone knows this.”

“I attributed the incidence to temporary insanity, and in my own defense, I'd like to say I haven't run over anyone since.”

Source: Hard Eight

“Here's a basic difference between Morelli and me. My first thought was always of cake. His first thought was always of sex. Don't get me wrong. I like sex… a lot. But it's never going to replace cake.”

Source: One for the Money

Janet Evanovich book Eleven on Top

Source: Eleven on Top

“I need to look like an idiot at least twice a day to keep myself humble.”

Janet Evanovich Twelve Sharp

Source: Twelve Sharp

“I wasn't dating anyone. I was fornicating with Batman.”

“How many times have I told you not to hit people in the face. You kick them in the body where it doesn't show.”

Source: Hard Eight

“Thinking very often resembles napping, but the intent is different. --Stephanie Plum”

Source: High Five

Janet Evanovich book Seven Up

Source: Seven Up

“Men drive off bridges and drink too much because of women like you.”

“Some men go a lifetime and never have their kid blow up a car, but I have a daughter who's knocked off three cars and burned down a funeral home. Maybe that's some kind of record.”

“I ran three miles, staggered into the lobby, and took the elevator back to my apartment. No point to overdoing this exercise junk. --Stephanie Plum”

Source: Four to Score

“Cupcake, your middle name is trouble.”

Source: Two for the Dough

“There is no such thing as a good call at 7 AM. It's been my experience that all calls between the hours of 11 PM and 9 AM are disaster calls.”

Source: Four to Score

“Honey, a man can't keep his gun in a cookie jar. It just isn't done.”

“I don't need handcuffs to enslave a woman." -Ranger to Stephanie”

“You're a lunatic. You ran me over with a goddamn Buick.”

Source: Hard Eight

“Happens to me all the time… People are always underestimating my dumbness.”

Source: One for the Money

“I'm sorry about your Porsche."

"I can replace the Porsche. I can't replace you. You need to be more careful."

I was just sitting in your car!"

Babe, you're a magnet for disaster.”

Source: Motor Mouth

Janet Evanovich book Eleven on Top

Source: Eleven on Top

“I shot that sucker right in the gumpy."
Grandma Mazur”

“Almost everybody I know has died,” Grandma said. “Bunch of wimps.”

Source: One for the Money

“Lula had Eminem cranked up. He was rapping about trailer park girls and how they go round the outside, and I was wondering what the heck that meant. I'm a white girl from Trenton. I don't know these things. I need a rap
cheat sheet.”

Source: High Five

Janet Evanovich book To the Nines

Source: To the Nines

“I see you looking at my cookies,' my father said to Morelli. 'Don't even think about it. Go get your own cookies.”

Janet Evanovich Twelve Sharp

Source: Twelve Sharp

“You're a marshmallow. Soft and sweet and when you get heated up you go all gooey and delicious.”

“Babe, you've destroyed a car, burned down two buildings, stapled a guy's nuts, and you have sixteen stitches in your leg. Take a night off. Have a glass of wine, watch some television, and go to bed early."
-Ranger”

Source: One for the Money

Janet Evanovich book Lean Mean Thirteen

Source: Lean Mean Thirteen

“If I gave you a pity position it wouldn't be in my office.”

Janet Evanovich book Eleven on Top

Source: Eleven on Top

“I had an alarm, I had nerve gas, I had a yogurt. What more could anyone want?”

“The way I see it, life is a jelly doughnut. You don't really know what it's about until you bite into it. And then, just when you decided it's good, you drop a big glob of jelly on your best T-shirt.”

Source: One for the Money

“Gotta protect the little dudes. I tried an AK-47, but it wouldn't fit under my seat. I like the Uzi better, anyway. It looks better with the dress. The AK seems too casual to me.”

Source: Hard Eight

“This is war,' I yelled through the door.
Lucky for me,' Morelli said. 'I give good war.”

“If she wasn't your grandmother I'd shoot her."
Ranger”

Source: Two for the Dough

Janet Evanovich book Hot Six

Source: Hot Six

“Ranger locked eyes with me. "Please," he said.
Tank and Hal were goggle-eyed. They weren't used to "please." I wasn't used to it either. But I liked it.
Okay," I said. "Be careful. He's insane.”

“Its always nice to have a stud muffin at the table.”

Janet Evanovich Three to Get Deadly

Source: Three to Get Deadly

“I looked over at him. "Is that a proposal?"

There was total silence for a couple beats. "I'm not sure. It just popped out."

"Let me know when you're sure."

"Would you say yes?" Morelli asked.

"I'm not sure.”

Janet Evanovich book Fearless Fourteen

Source: Fearless Fourteen

“Are you afraid of me?
Uh… yes.'
The smile stayed fixed in place. 'You should be. You locked me in a refrigerator truck with three dead people. Sooner or later I'm going to get you for it.”

“I checked my phone messages. Three in all.

The first was from Joe. “Hey, Cupcake.” That was it. That was the whole message.

The second was from Ranger. “Yo.” Ranger made Joe look like a chatterbox.”

Source: One for the Money

Janet Evanovich book To the Nines

Source: To the Nines

“Ranger sent us to check on you," Hal said. "We just got here, and we heard shots."
"Some moron ate my jelly doughnut," Lula said. "So I shot him.”

Janet Evanovich book Sizzling Sixteen

Source: Sizzling Sixteen

“Mooner was walking around laying his hands on the cars, divining karma. "this is it", he said, standing by a small khaki-colored jeep."this car has protective qualities"
You mean like a guardian angel?"
I mean, like, it has seatbelts”

Janet Evanovich book Hot Six

Source: Hot Six

“When I was six years old I sprinkled sugar on my head, convinced myself it was pixie dust, wished myself invisible, and walked into the boys' bathroom at school.”

Janet Evanovich book Lean Mean Thirteen

Source: Lean Mean Thirteen

“You think I'm gonna feel better eatin' a carrot? Get a grip. There's two idiots out there trying to kill me, and you think I'm gonna waste my last breath on a vegetable? (Lula)”

Janet Evanovich book Finger Lickin' Fifteen

Source: Finger Lickin' Fifteen

“It's a penis,' Grandma said. 'Stephanie got it in the mail. It's a pretty good one too.”

“One Ranger is all you'll ever need. - Ranger”

Source: Two for the Dough

Janet Evanovich Twelve Sharp

Source: Twelve Sharp

“I wasn’t a fabulous cook. I didn’t have a boyfriend, much less a husband. And I wasn’t a big financial success. I could live with all those failings as long as I knew that once in a while I looked really hot.”

“You're going to find this hard to believe, but cops aren't required to carry emergency condoms."
Joe Morelli”

Source: High Five

“There's me and then there's you, and you aren't ever going to be as good as me, Sweet Thing."
Ranger”

Source: Four to Score