Susan Elizabeth Phillips Quotes

“I never thought I'd have to give you-a former Sunday School teacher-a lecture on ethics."
"Former Sunday School teachers don't go around without their underwear."
"You show me where it says that in the Bible.”

“He wanted to shake her until every one of her chattering teeth hit the ground. "What the hell are you trying to say? Why did she choose me?"
Jodie eyed him warily. "Because she thinks you're stupid.”

“This is America. We’re entitled to our opinions.”
“Wrong. This is Texas. And my opinion is the only one that counts.”

“Something brushed his leg, and he gazed down into the face of Pippi Tucker. The theme from Jaws raced through his head.”

“sometimes knowing when to give up is the real test of character…

-annabelle granger”

“I don't need to be fixed anymore. That job's already been done. I love you, Annabelle.

-Heath Champion”

“But I don't love you, Daisy, and you can't begin to know how sorry I am about that because if I could chose anyone in this world to love, it'd be you.”

“I don't love you anymore", she whispered. "I don't love you at all." His throat closed. "It's all right, sweetheart. I love you enough for both of us.”

“You try spending six months sitting at somebody's bedside, waiting for them to die and then tell me that the happy-ending love story isn't one of God's good gifts.”

“When male authors write love stories, the heroine tends to end up dead.”

“Life sure is easier when you're rich."
"And a natural born charmer. Don't forget that part."
"How could I?" she retorted. "It's the only thing we have in common.”

“[Bobby Tom] finally understood Gracie's function in his life. She was God's joke on him.”

“You don’t live life. You act it.”

“You never get mad,” she said when their server left the table. “Except at me.”
“That’s not true,” he said tightly. “Torie can get me going.”
“Torie doesn’t count. You were obviously her mother in a previous life.”

“I married a damned cereal killer”

“Good news!" she chirped. "The doctor says this time it's triplets!”

“I take thee… to be my awful wedded husband”

“I guess we're oil and water. (Phoebe)

I'd say we're more like gasoline and a blowtorch. (Dan)”

“What are you gonna do, angel face? Stab me with your eyebrow pencil?”

“If I could put my brain in her body, the world would be mine for the taking.”

“Disagreements over money are the biggest cause of divorce."

She waved her hand. "Absolutely no problem. Your money is our money. My money is my money." She wrote away.

"I should make you negotiate with Phoebe.”

“You couldn't be satisfied with being an amateur asshole, could you, Jimbo! You had to go and turn pro on me!”

“Nobody else can demean me. I can only demean myself”

“She glared at him. "You're doing it again."
"What?"
"That thing that irritates me."
"Smiling?"
"Yes. That.”

“Pride had kept her running when love had betrayed her.”

“Did anybody tell you that you're a few french fries short of a Happy Meal?”

“I happen to be immature, undisciplined, and self-centered, pretty much a little boy in a man's body, although I'd appreciate it if you didn't quote me on that.

-Bobby Tom”

“It was a kiss made in lonely dreams. A kiss that took its time. A kiss that felt so right she couldn't remember all the reasons it was wrong.”

“She (Daisy) dug her nails into her palms and told herself she had no choice. "I, Theodosia…" She gulped for air. "… take thee Alexander…" She gulped again. "… to be my awful wedded husband…”

“Why don't I just hand you my panties and be done with it.”

“She's as plastic as you are. If you ever have kids, they'll come out of the birth canal with Fisher-Price stamped on their butts.”

“So, Beav, tell me about yourself."
"I'm Blue."
"Sweetheart, if I had your dubious taste in men, I wouldn't be too happy, either."
"My name is Blue. Blue Bailey.”

“We’re only human.”
“One of us, anyway. The other’s a reptile.”
“Harsh, Annabelle. Very harsh.”

“Are you demented, you stupid badger? Is that your problem? Or are you just an idiot?"
"As to that, I… Did you just call me a badger?"
"A bastard. I called you a bastard.”

“Well alright then," His eyes glittered. "I get my kicks whipping woman I have sex with and you're next on my list. Now I'm going to take a shower.”

“I don't care how much evidence the state presented. I've never for one moment believed he murdered that waitress.”

“If you want me, you'll have to earn me. And, mister, I don't come cheap.”

“You can't do extraordinary things in the world if you're spending time criticizing others because they don't look or behave the way you think they should.”

“There's nothing sexier in a man than intelligence.”

“I love you, Daisy. I love you so much I hurt.”

“Be quiet, or I swear to God I'll take you right here”

“Make-up? What happened? You look almost female."
"Thanks. You look almost straight.”

“It runs in the family. And don't expect me to be ashamed. Yankees lock away loony relatives, but down here, we prop 'em up on parade floats and march 'em through the middle of town.”

“His fists clenched at his sides. 'Damn it! Where's your pride?'
'Pride? It's in my heart, of course.'
'You're letting me demean you!'
She smiled. 'You can't do that. I can only demean myself.”

“I sure do miss that woman. Smart. Funny. Sweet. She never gave me a moment's trouble."

"Gosh, I'm sorry about that. I knew it was boring between you two, but not that bad.”

“Bobby Tom: You're supposed to be my assistant, not a baby-sitter!
Gracie: One and the same.”

“Bobby Tom told me he’s not afraid of the Chargers’ defense.”
“Bobby Tom’ll tell you he’s not afraid of nuclear war, so I wouldn’t put too much stock in his opinion.”

“In case you still haven't figured it out, he loves you. Your tiger will be back in the morning, and you can thank me anytime. Now, do I have to paint another picture for you, or do you think you can take it from here by yourself without screwing up?”

“Ironic, isn't it, what religion does to people?"
"I guess it's more ironic what people do to religion.”

“Just out of curiosity, sweetheart; did you ever talk to your doctor about givin' you some tranquilizers?”

“Don't mess with me, Calvin. You'll only get hurt.”

“He sounds like Jesus. Except rich and sexy.”
“Watch it, Meg. In this town joking about Jesus could get you shot. You’ve never seen so many of the faithful who’re armed.”

“You lit into me last night. You said what I did was stupid.
- That's what my head said. But my heart… My stupid heart… Her voice broke. It was singing.”

“And put me down right this minute or I'll scream bloody murder, then do the job for real!"

"I already hid all the electrical appliances, and I'm not taking a shower without locking you in the closet first.”

“Just because you’re rivals doesn’t mean you have to be enemies.”

“The question is… How did a girl like Annabelle manage to talk a man like you into joining our silly little family party?”

Annabelle smiled sweetly. “I promised he could tie me up afterward and spank me.”

“He settled his hat back into position. She was a rookie in her first big game, and he’d never let her see how close she’d come to unseating a champion”

“Chasing after a guy who’s not interested in you will rip the hell out of your self-respect. Better to face facts now because the longer you put it off, the harder it’ll be.”

“You foolish man. Of course there's love. Don't you know? I love you.”

“Losing isn't as bad as not fighting at all.”

“We’re all works in progress, honey. And believe me when I tell you that I’ve had to work harder than most.”

“‎"There’s no such thing as mistakes – only a lack of foresight.”

“Now, now. Southern ladies don’t French-kiss and tell.”

“All it means is that, while our minds may have trouble communicating, our bodies don't have any problem at all."

"I don't think it's that simple."

"Sure it is."

"The earth moved," she said softly. "That has to be more than bodies communicating.”

“Phoebe tapped the toe of her sneaker against the dock. “There’s only one good use for a man like Heath Champion.”

“Here we go again,” Molly muttered.

Phoebe’s lip curled. “Target practice.”