Ilona Andrews Quotes

“Every time I think you’ve reached the limits of arrogance, you show me new heights. Truly, your egotism is like the Universe—ever expanding.”

“Why a raven?"
"To honor my father."
"The writing under it, is that Cyrillic?"
"Yes."
"What does it say?"
"Dar Vorona. Gift of the Raven. I am my father's gift."
"The raven is holding a bloody sword."
"I never said it was a nice gift.”

“And then what?"
"I'll burn that bridge when I cross it.”

“She crouched with her hand out. What the hell was she doing…
"Here, kitty, kitty, kitty."
Oh my God, she was retarded and I was going to kill Jim.”

“I gave him my hard stare. “You're a control freak and I fight all authority. And you want us to mate?”
A wicked spark lit his eyes. “Many, many times.”

“He raised his hand in a peaceful gesture. "You need to relax a bit, dove. Like Mouse over there. You trust me, don't you, Mouse?"
"Nope!"
"Ahhh, I'm hurt. Nobody likes me.”

“Curran looked back at me. "Why is it you always attract creeps?"

"You tell me." Ha! Walked right into that one, yes, he did.”

“I can't give you the white picket fence, and if I did, you'd set it on fire.”

“It's a reflex. Hear a bell, get food. See an undead, throw a knife. Same thing, really.”

“Andrea raised her hand. “This is the hand that slapped Aunt B.”
“Maybe you should have it gold-plated.”
“Here, you can touch it, since you’re my best friend.”

“I gave him a smile. I was aiming for sweet, but he turned a shade paler and scooted a bit farther from me. Note to self: work more on sweet and less on psycho-killer.”

“I'm a substitute mom."
"You're more like a crazy aunt who only gets called when somebody needs bailing out of jail.”

“If you come, you better come in force because I will kill every single one of you. My hand won't shake, my aim won't falter. My face will be the last thing you'll see before you die." I jammed my knife into the table and walked out.”

“Yes I can,” Curran snarled. “Listen: this is me telling you what you will not do.”
I raised the cookbook and tapped him on the nose. Bad cat.”

“You slept with Curran and you didn’t tell me? I’m your best friend.”
“It didn’t come up.”
“How disappointing for you.”
Ha-ha. “That’s not what I meant.”

“It’s your duty as my best friend to be outraged with me.”
“I’m outraged!” I snarled. “That bastard!”
“Thank you,” Andrea said.”

“… you expect me to fall on my back with my legs spread."
"Not necessarily…. You can fall on your hands and knees if you prefer. Or against the wall. Or on the kitchen counter. I suppose I might let you be on top, if you make it worth my while.”

“you might want to decide fast. We live in a dangerous world. If you see a chance to be happy, you have to fight for it, so later you have no regrets.”

“He bared his teeth in a happy feral grin. My own personal psycho.”

“I gave him my best cryptic smile. He did not fall down to his feet, kiss my shoes, and promise me the world. I must be getting rusty.”

“Help me, I can’t breathe, your ego is pushing all the air out of the room.”

“Are you out of your mind?"
It's not polite to lie to your best friend. "It's a possibility.”

“Your ability to remain alive never ceases to amaze me.”

“Is that a lion with horns and a pitchfork?"
"Yep."
"Is he carrying the moon on his pitchfork?"
"Nope it's a pie.”

“Yes, I'm too mad to punish you right now. We'll talk about it when we get home. Go brush your teeth, comb your hair, put on dry clothes, and get the guns. We're going to Wal-Mart.”

“You're an interesting woman."
"Your interest has been duly noted.”

“You know anything about investigative work?"
"Sure. Annoy the people involved until the guilt party tries to make you go away.”

“How was I supposed to know that you let two little bears hurt you, Goldilocks?"
"Ah, yes, that mouth. I missed it. All mine now.”

“What's that?"
"That's my attack poodle.”

“I think I've been rather reasonable about this whole situation."
"How do you figure?"
"They are still breathing, aren't they?”

“I just had to stay cool. Zen. No punching in the face. Punching would not be Zen.”

“The rabbis paled. I’d managed to terrify holy men. Maybe I could beat up a nun for an encore.”

“If the sky could dream, it would dream of dragons.”

“Aha! So I’m not crazy.”
“You are most definitely crazy,” Derek said. “But in a deranged, endearing way.”

“Now climb, young grasshopper, so your Kung Fu won't be weak.”

“Men and swords. My father said that if you put any able-bodied man, no matter how peaceful, into a room with a sword and a practice dummy and leave him alone, eventually the man would pick up the sword and try to stab the dummy. It is human nature.”

“I make a bad mom, but I can pull off a crazy aunt.”

“You said sloppy! Look, I didn't even use my sword; I hit him with my head, like a moron.”

“You will not pass!” Roman thundered.
Great. Now he had decided he was Gandalf.”

“Georgie, stop trying to resurrect the shoes. They were never alive in the first place.”

“Curran looked at me. “What the hell was I supposed to do, catch the werebison as he was falling?”

“He lunged for the maps. I grabbed the chair and hit him with it. He went down. I hit him again to make sure he stayed that way, stepped over him, and picked up the maps.
"I win.”

“You should name him Fezzik."
"Inconceivable.”

“You know what I like about you? You have no sense. You sit here in my house, you can barely hold a spoon, and you're telling me 'no'. You'd pull on Death's whiskers if you could reach them.”

“You know," she said, stirring her tea, "the fastest way to get him off your back is to sleep with him. And tell him you love him. Preferably while in bed."
I smirked and the tea almost came out of my nose. "He'd run like he was on fire.”

“Shapeshifter parenting motto—if your kid slits somebody's throat, always have a backup plan to make the body disappear.”

“Just reflecting on the fact that when the Universe punches you in the teeth, it never just lets you fall down. It kicks you in the ribs a couple of times and dumps mud on your head.”

“When I'm with him, I can feel myself getting better. It's like he's picking up broken pieces of me and putting me back together, and I don't even know he's doing it. We never talk about it. We don't go to therapy. He just loves me and that's enough.”

“You sure you don’t want me to stay? I’ll make you coffee and ask you about your day.”

“You snore worse. At least I don't turn into a lion in my sleep."
"I only did it once."
"Once was weird enough, thank you.”

“We were screwed and he didn't even kiss us first.”

“Was his body made out of orange rocks and did he at any point yell 'It's clobbering time'?"
"I find your attempt at levity inappropriate."
"Consider me properly chastised.”

“Kate's Speciality: Killing things, with much bloodshed. Talking trash, infuriating authority. Driving Beast Lord crazy.”

“I dreamed that Curran and I killed a dinosaur and then had sex in the dirt.”

“I'm welding the bimbo room shut.”

“I'll call you," he repeated.
"If you call me, I won't pick up the phone."
"You will wait by the phone for my call, and when it rings, you will pick it up and you will speak to me in a civil manner. If you don't know how, ask someone.”