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Karl Pilkington Quotes
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Karl Pilkington is an English television presenter, author, comedian, radio producer, actor, and voice actor.

Pilkington gained prominence as the producer of Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant's radio programme on XFM. He appeared on The Ricky Gervais Show, presented the Sky travel comedy series An Idiot Abroad, and made his full acting debut on Gervais' 2012 comedy-drama series Derek. Pilkington is a co-founder, along with Gervais and Merchant, of RiSK Productions, a television production company. Pilkington recently starred in the Sky 1 travel documentary comedy series The Moaning of Life . This is his first show to not have any involvement from either Gervais or Merchant.

✵ 23. September 1972
Karl Pilkington photo
Karl Pilkington: 160 quotes4 likes

Karl Pilkington Quotes

“It is hard eating a little kangaroo knob.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 3
On Nature

“By 78 you've done everything you're going to do. If you haven't bungee-jumped by the time you're 78 you're not going to do it.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 1
On Ageing

“Who's the mental one here? Is it me, or everyone else?”

Karl Pilkington

The Moaning of Life, Karl on Kids

“Any problem solved is a new problem made.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 5 Episode 1
On Life

“I've never understood what pole dancing's about anyway. It's a waste of a good skill. Get into scaffolding or something.”

Karl Pilkington

The Moaning of Life, General Quotes

“You build up to it, don't you? You have that bit of a chat, and you go alright? Hows it going?. You get on an' that and then a little baby pops out.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 3
On Sex

“…but it’s all about ‘a gorilla and a fox are walking thru the woods.’ How often does that happen?”

Karl Pilkington

Xfm
On Aesop's Fables

“Whoop, there's an elephant in the room”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 6
On Sayings

“Well…like, when you're born, you're a little baby, you're wrinkly and stuff, when you get older you sort of morph into a baby again…”

Karl Pilkington

Xfm 01 December 2001
On Ageing

“I've been watchin birds more than insects recently, and the thing I've found with pigeons is: they've got wings but they walk a lot”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 3 Episode 3
On Nature

“The best thing you can do is look after yourself. Get on with it.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 2 Episode 5
On Sayings

“(After chatting about the Serbian sex machine invention and Karl said 'Did it have to be a woman or could they have got a gay fella in - butt plugs and that')..”

Karl Pilkington

On Sex

“If an animal is named after what it eats, how interesting is it?”

Karl Pilkington

Xfm 26 July 2003
On Nature

“No it's one of them things though, imagine it.. if you're that caretaker and you're thinkin I've got away with this then suddenly a plant grasses you up.. you weren't expectin that.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast - Bonus Hour
On Nature

“People who live in a glass house have to answer the door - Karl invents his own phrase based on Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 6
On Sayings

“I've got a fat head. There's nothing I can do about it.”

Karl Pilkington

The Moaning of Life, General Quotes

“If you had 5 photos of anuses, I could not point mine out”

Karl Pilkington

The Moaning of Life, Karl on Happiness

“We came from the sea originally, now we're going back in it. Don't go in it, unless you're in a boat.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 2 Episode 3
On Biology

“Just sort of wander about and that, and just not get seen [What he would do with the power of invisibility]”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 4
On Powers

“Lamguage is a powerful thing init…er…”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 3 Episode 4
On Sayings

“At what point is a wasp ever going to have a chat with a spider?”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 3
On Nature

“At no point am I going to lick a little frogs head.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 2 Episode 4
On Nature

“I've met a few little people in my time. I met a little fella once and he was alright. He got drunk really quick, err, but he was alright. But it took me by surprise -like I've said about when I met Steve for the first time, it's only that same thing, then if we lived together I'm sure we'd get on a storm”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 3 Episode 6
On Little People

“I was at some night once, right. It was some night out and er, some people come running on stage. And some music started coming on. These four people came running out, it was two women, two blokes. It wasn't gay an' that. It was just a normal night -well, y'know, some party night out. These people come running on. You've got two women, you've got two blokes. They whip their knickers off. The fellas whip their undies off. All at the same time, like er, whatsit? Cheryl Baker was in it… Bucks Fizz. So that happened and all I'm saying is, right; before I had a look at the woman's bits, I just had a cheeky glance at the fellas' bits, just checkin' it out, checking everything's normal down there. Believe me, I had a look at the ladies' bits but I didn't know how long that pants were going to left off for.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 2
On Nudity

“Karl: You've never been to China.”

Karl Pilkington

An Idiot Abroad

“Stop looking at the walls, look out the window.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 2 Episode 1
On Art

“It's not going to change the world. But neither did the egg-cup.”

Karl Pilkington

An Idiot Abroad - series 2 (mount Fuji) - Karl talking about his 'PilkoPant' invention.
On Technology

“That's the problem with them fables, they're putting animals together that wouldn't meet. I don't know where a scorpion is knockin' around with a frog.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast
On Aesop's Fables

“I was walking past a sex shop an' that. One, it was open early which I never understood, it was about eight o'clock in the morning. Who needs butt plugs then?”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 2
On Sex

“From someone whose dad buys him a spade for Christmas, I thought you'd be grateful!”

Karl Pilkington

Xfm 15 December 2001
On Stephen Merchant

“On seeing an ultrasound picture- It was an awkward situation because she was happy with it. I was like 'Oh God'. It was an odd looking thing. I couldn't say 'Oh, it looks like you' because that would be a dis.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 2 Episode 2
On Medicine

“(on cockroaches living without a head for a week) Why, when it was invented, has it got that facility?”

Karl Pilkington

Xfm 18 January 2003
On Nature

“This isn't Amazon where you can go "I'm not happy with the product" and pop it back in the post. Thats it, you've got it”

Karl Pilkington

The Moaning of Life, Karl on Kids

“Neil Armstrong, that spaceman, he went to the moon but he ain't been back. It can't have been that good.”

Karl Pilkington

3 Minute Wonder, Episode 2
On Travel

“If there's one thing we haven't cracked yet in human civilsation, we've never been able to make a good wig. I wouldn't want a wig on me.”

Karl Pilkington

The Moaning of Life, General Quotes

“Fella comes walking toward me. Only got no pants on. So I said, ‘Suzanne, what's going on?”

Karl Pilkington

Xfm 12 October 2002
On Nudity

“On the possibility of meeting Warwick Davis- The first time I see him, I'd be a little like, what should I say, what shouldn't I say? Whereas once you get to know him I'm sure he'd be a lovely little fella.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 3 Episode 6
On Little People

“Why is it alright to be going around, going mental with a gun, shooting all the monkeys and killing them? Because one day we're going to run out.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 3
On Monkeys

“Karl's diary - Woke up at 9.55am. Soon as I woke up, I looked at Suzanne and she looked at me. I said, Did I tell you about the immune system? Suzanne starting laughing, I said it's amazing. She said, Not now.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast - Bonus Disc
On Biology

“On dopplegangers - How would I know which one I was?”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 2 Episode 1
On Biology

“So you're sayin that it's easy to send somat up to space, but you don't believe there's a little banana machine?”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 1
On Monkeys

“The first time you watch it you'll probably cry a bit. The second time you watch it you will probably think - boy that would be bad having a head like that being picked on - the third time you are probably thinking, er, how does he get his jumper on, er, then dunno probably bored of it the fourth time. But, but it's well worth watching.”

Karl Pilkington

Xfm 07 December 2002
On The Elephant Man

“Where you are is what you eat. When I'm in London I'll have beans on toast for lunch. On holiday — what? Tapas? Go on then I'll have a bit. You eat whatevers in that area.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 3 Episode 5
On Food

“Talking about being in heaven- It's not fair though because all them lot have been up there ages with like a chance to get a bit of sun on the body and that so they'll look alright. I'll be wandering about with underpant marks and stuff.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast - Bonus Disc
On Nudity

“What's that plate that's above a saucer but below a plate?”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 3 Episode 4
On Life

“It's just easier to put stuff off once we've got this calendar, whereas if we didnt have a date you'd have to do everythin' straight away”

Karl Pilkington

The Podfather Trilogy, Episode 2 Thanksgiving
On Calendars

“(On fun-sized chocolates) I don't know why they're called fun-sized; I mean, if I called a midget fun-sized, they'd kick off”

Karl Pilkington

Happyslapped by a Jellyfish
On Little People

“I was still using my eyes even though I had them shut”

Karl Pilkington

The Podfather Trilogy, Episode 2 Thanksgiving
On Nature

“You won't get anything done by planning.”

Karl Pilkington

The Podfather Trilogy , Episode 3: Christmas
On Life

“If you live in a glass house, don't be chucking stuff about. - Karl interprets the phrase Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 6
On Sayings