Karl Pilkington: Trending quotes

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Karl Pilkington: 320 quotes4 likes

“I'm really happy, I just don't choose to show it.”

Karl Pilkington

The Moaning of Life, Karl on Happiness

“All I'm saying is that old people need to be old people. You need oldness. You need to see old people. You need to go Right, they might have a solution they've been on the earth longer. Quick, we need an answer. How old are yer?”

Karl Pilkington

I'm 32 - Well you look 78!
Podcast Series 3 Episode 4
On Ageing

“It’s just hassle of having friends and family an’ that.”

Karl Pilkington

Xfm 29 November 2003
On Life

“The world is getting more and more scruffier, innit?”

Karl Pilkington

The Podfather Trilogy , Episode 3: Christmas
On Life

“[Jellyfish] are 97% water or something, so how much are they doing? Just give them another 3% and make them water.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 2 Episode 2
On Nature

“They keep saying that sea levels are rising an all this. It's nowt to do with the icebergs melting, it's because there's too many fish in it. Get rid of some of the fish and the water will drop. Simple. Basic science.”

Karl Pilkington

3 Minute Wonder, Episode 4
On Nature
Source: The Ricky Gervais Show - First, Second and Third Seasons

“I know who I am. Bloody hell, I'm getting enough bills for Karl Pilkington so I hope I am him, 'cos if I'm not, I have no idea who I'm paying for.”

Karl Pilkington

Source: An Idiot Abroad: The Travel Diaries of Karl Pilkington

“I find that if you just talk, your mouth comes up with stuff.”

Karl Pilkington

Fame Souvenir Program Podcast
On Biology

“The problem I have with all this religion stuff is that I can't relate to it. I think most people got into 'cos it gave them something to do on a Sunday, but since all the shops are now open it isn't required as much.”

Karl Pilkington

Source: An Idiot Abroad: The Travel Diaries of Karl Pilkington

“I look at life like a big book and sometimes you get half way through it and go 'Even though I've been enjoying it, I've had enough. Give us another book”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 2 Episode 2
On Life

“She gave me the jabs and said I was covered for every worst-case scenario, including being bitten by a dirty chimp. I told her this is why we have over-population problems. Why are idiots who annoy dirty chimps being protected?”

Karl Pilkington

Source: An Idiot Abroad: The Travel Diaries of Karl Pilkington

“I really can't believe what a state the Pyramids are in. I thought they had flat rendered sides, but when you get up close, you see how they are just giant boulders balanced on top of each other, like a massive game of Jenga that has got out of hand.”

Karl Pilkington

Source: An Idiot Abroad: The Travel Diaries of Karl Pilkington

“On chameleons - Stay green. Stay in the woods. Stay safe.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 2 Episode 4
On Nature

“It's interesting to see that people had so much clutter even thousands of years ago. The only way to get rid of it all was to bury it, and then some archaeologist went and dug it all up.”

Karl Pilkington

Source: An Idiot Abroad: The Travel Diaries of Karl Pilkington

“I always have a problem liking things I'm told I should like.”

Karl Pilkington

Source: An Idiot Abroad: The Travel Diaries of Karl Pilkington

“On dopplegangers - No because only it would only get me into trouble won't it? Because people won't believe there's another one like me. Otherwise everyone would be saying that when they get caught robbing, they go Oh it wasn't me it was me doppleganger.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 2 Episode 1
On Biology

“I could eat a knob at night.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 3
On Food

“Now Hilda, she was your bog standard old woman.”

Karl Pilkington

The Podfather Trilogy, Episode 1 Halloween
On People