Karl Pilkington Quotes (160 quotes) | Quotes of famous people

Karl Pilkington: 160 quotes4 likes

Famous Karl Pilkington Quotes

“The world is getting more and more scruffier, innit?”

The Podfather Trilogy , Episode 3: Christmas
On Life

“It’s just hassle of having friends and family an’ that.”

Xfm 29 November 2003
On Life

“All I'm saying is that old people need to be old people. You need oldness. You need to see old people. You need to go Right, they might have a solution they've been on the earth longer. Quick, we need an answer. How old are yer?”

Karl Pilkington

I'm 32 - Well you look 78!
Podcast Series 3 Episode 4
On Ageing

“They keep saying that sea levels are rising an all this. It's nowt to do with the icebergs melting, it's because there's too many fish in it. Get rid of some of the fish and the water will drop. Simple. Basic science.”

Karl Pilkington

3 Minute Wonder, Episode 4
On Nature
Source: The Ricky Gervais Show - First, Second and Third Seasons

“I really can't believe what a state the Pyramids are in. I thought they had flat rendered sides, but when you get up close, you see how they are just giant boulders balanced on top of each other, like a massive game of Jenga that has got out of hand.”

Karl Pilkington

Source: An Idiot Abroad: The Travel Diaries of Karl Pilkington

“I always have a problem liking things I'm told I should like.”

Karl Pilkington

Source: An Idiot Abroad: The Travel Diaries of Karl Pilkington

Karl Pilkington Quotes about people

“It's interesting to see that people had so much clutter even thousands of years ago. The only way to get rid of it all was to bury it, and then some archaeologist went and dug it all up.”

Karl Pilkington

Source: An Idiot Abroad: The Travel Diaries of Karl Pilkington

“The problem I have with all this religion stuff is that I can't relate to it. I think most people got into 'cos it gave them something to do on a Sunday, but since all the shops are now open it isn't required as much.”

Karl Pilkington

Source: An Idiot Abroad: The Travel Diaries of Karl Pilkington

“People say having kids is life changing, well that doesn't necessarily mean a good thing, does it? I could take one of my legs off. That would change my life.”

Karl Pilkington

The Moaning of Life, Karl on Kids

“On dopplegangers - No because only it would only get me into trouble won't it? Because people won't believe there's another one like me. Otherwise everyone would be saying that when they get caught robbing, they go Oh it wasn't me it was me doppleganger.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 2 Episode 1
On Biology

“I think people would live a bit longer if they didn't know how old they were. Age puts restrictions on things.”

Karl Pilkington

“I think it's clever how Rome have kept a load of old stuff. There's no overheads, yet people are going over there to see it.”

Karl Pilkington

3 Minute Wonder, Episode 2
On Travel

Karl Pilkington: Trending quotes

“I'm really happy, I just don't choose to show it.”

Karl Pilkington

The Moaning of Life, Karl on Happiness

“[Jellyfish] are 97% water or something, so how much are they doing? Just give them another 3% and make them water.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 2 Episode 2
On Nature

“I know who I am. Bloody hell, I'm getting enough bills for Karl Pilkington so I hope I am him, 'cos if I'm not, I have no idea who I'm paying for.”

Karl Pilkington

Source: An Idiot Abroad: The Travel Diaries of Karl Pilkington

Karl Pilkington Quotes

“I find that if you just talk, your mouth comes up with stuff.”

Karl Pilkington

Fame Souvenir Program Podcast
On Biology

“The cafe was called Tattoos. The fella who owned it didn't have any tattoos… but we never saw his wife.”

Karl Pilkington

“I look at life like a big book and sometimes you get half way through it and go 'Even though I've been enjoying it, I've had enough. Give us another book”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 2 Episode 2
On Life

“She gave me the jabs and said I was covered for every worst-case scenario, including being bitten by a dirty chimp. I told her this is why we have over-population problems. Why are idiots who annoy dirty chimps being protected?”

Karl Pilkington

Source: An Idiot Abroad: The Travel Diaries of Karl Pilkington

“On chameleons - Stay green. Stay in the woods. Stay safe.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 2 Episode 4
On Nature

“I could eat a knob at night.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 3
On Food

“Now Hilda, she was your bog standard old woman.”

Karl Pilkington

The Podfather Trilogy, Episode 1 Halloween
On People

“[Ricky asks what else he would do with the power of invisibility]Dunno, you could sort of go in shops when they're shut, just get in before they lock up.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 4
On Powers

“Yeh I know but, I remember one on our estate, right. And she was a bit… what's the word that you can use cos I don't want to offend anyone? I'd say mental… but sort of mental homeless, is that a term?”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 2
On People

“That impresses me more, inventin' electricity[Talking about Benjamin Franklin]”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 4
On Life

“Just been into the zoo, 'avin a look round an that. Went into the, er, into the aquarium. Mental, the amount of fish that are knockin' about”

Karl Pilkington

3 Minute Wonder, Episode 1
On Life

“It would be impossible, I'd just chuck meself into the salt pot or something. I'd hate that, that would be horrible that [Karl answering Ricky's question of how he would get Suzanne's attention in the Kitchen if he were a slug]”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 12
On Nature

“My auntie Nora right, all her food is mashed. She's got teeth but she don't need 'em [Karl on how his auntie blends her food and never uses her teeth]”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 3 Episode 3
On Life

“On octopuses - When you see 'em in films, they're running about an' that and everyone likes an octopus.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 2 Episode 6
On Nature

“Yeah but everyone was a saint years ago, that seemed to be thrown about back then. Who's a saint now, in this year, who's a saint? And yet this guy, lived in a hut in the woods, 'oh yeah that's Saint John or whatever.' He wasn't a saint, he did nothin [Karl arguing with Steve and Ricky about Russian artifacts containing a portrait of a Russian Saint]”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 5
On Life

“I will not be lickin a frog, so there's nothin' to worry about”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 2 Episode 4
On Nature

“Say if I was in charge and someone said that buildin' needs knockin' down, it's dangerous, if we didn't have a calendar we'd go 'erm let's do it now then.' Whereas cos we've got a calendar it's easy to say…'next Wednesday”

Karl Pilkington

The Podfather Trilogy , Episode 2 Thanksgiving
On Calendars

“On seals - Its between a fish and a dog.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 2 Episode 3
On Nature

“No ones been up that high!”

Karl Pilkington

An Idiot Abroad - series 2 - DVD extra in which Karl finally gets his prostate checked.
On Medicine

“It's no good operating on eyes if your eyes are asleep”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 2 Episode 3
On Medicine

“You don't have to do it straight away, but just do it before it gets really bad - Karl re-evaluates the phrase A stitch in time saves nine.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 7
On Sayings

“Well I'm trying to think what I put in… I think I put in 'why?' to see if I'd confuse the computer.”

Karl Pilkington

Xfm 09 November 2002
On Technology

“So I was watchin David Attenborough.. he makes his money out of flies and that dun' he”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 3
On Nature

“On homosexuals- They're more up for a bit more experimentation an' that -Podcast Series 1 Episode 2”

Karl Pilkington

On Sex

“The reason there are so many gyms in London is because the amount of gay people who are here now.”

Karl Pilkington

3 Minute Wonder, Episode 3
On Sex

“I'd kick it, and I'd say 'You knob-head'. - Karl tells Ricky his response to being poisoned by an octopus.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 2 Episode 6
On Nature

“I don't cry. Water doesn't leave my head. I've got loads of gob. That's how water leaves me, it's not out of my eyes.”

Karl Pilkington

The Moaning of Life, General Quotes

“Hypothetical: Shipwrecked and eating a penis- …I'll look for something else. We're surrounded by water. Why are we eating knob?”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 3 Episode 3
On Food

“Just pop it on your wrist. - Ricky asks Karl how his 'invention' of a watch that counts down your life would actually work.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 5
On Technology

“I was walking home the other night, and I was thinking about it, and do you worry that when you're old you will be on your own?”

Karl Pilkington

Xfm 10 November 2001
On Stephen Merchant

“You can be an ugly baby and everyone goes awww innit nice? There was some women in a cafe the other week that I was sat in, and she came up and she sat down with her mate and she was talkin' loudly goin' on about oh the baby's lovely. They said it's got, er, lovely big eyes, er, really big hands and feet. Now that doesn't sound like a nice baby to me. I felt like sayin' it sounds like a frog. But I thought I dont know her, there's only so much you can say to a stranger. I dont know what kept me from sayin' it.”

Karl Pilkington

The Podfather Trilogy, Episode 1 Halloween
On Life

“You know how they say people have six senses? There's loads more than that. [The ability to feel someone looking at you], that's been around since man and dinosaur were knockin' about.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 1
On Biology

“We've invented most of the stuff that we need and now we're just messing about”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 1
On Technology

“12 hours on a plane, over 5,000 miles. All this way you've got me licking fish.”

Karl Pilkington

The Moaning of Life, General Quotes

“People moan about drugs being tested on animals. I sort of think it depends innit. If the drug's aspirin and the monkey's got a headache, is it right?”

Karl Pilkington

3 Minute Wonder, Episode 4
On Nature

“Yeah, we'll do that, Lanky.”

Karl Pilkington

Xfm 23 March 2002
On Stephen Merchant

“If he's 27 today, he would have been 26 last week, and he doesn't look 26. He didn't look 26 last week, and he looks older than 28 today.”

Karl Pilkington

Xfm 24 November 2001
On Stephen Merchant

“"I've got to make sure the groom's hat's on straight." That's when you know an event's overstaffed.”

Karl Pilkington

The Moaning of Life, Karl on Marriage

“Treat the world like a head”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 5 Episode 4
On the Earth
Variant: Treat the world like a head

“Apparently you're not allowed to lick a toad's back.”

Karl Pilkington

Xfm 02 November 2002
On Nature

“Ricky: You are the strangest man alive.”

Karl Pilkington

An Idiot Abroad

“In the sea you've got to be constantly sort of alert. It's worse in the sea [than anywhere else in the animal kingdom]. In the sea you've got an enemy behind every rock.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 3 Episode 2
On Nature

“On Steve's dancing ability- er, it's just like a bit of weird art”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 3 Episode 4
On Stephen Merchant

“Don't be chucking that out. You might need that later - Karl interprets the phrase Waste not, want not.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 4
On Sayings

“Why didn't evolution make a giraffe good at carpentry so it could build a ladder?”

Karl Pilkington

Xfm 11 June 2005
On Biology

“The Web is the new book though, innit?”

Karl Pilkington

Xfm 30 November 2002
On Technology

“They've found this spider, in the jungle. Three foot long, it eats chicken. Bit weird, innit. People moan saying that you shouldn't lock animals up and all the rest of it, but to be honest I wish it was locked up. The idea that it's roaming in a jungle… get it locked up.”

Karl Pilkington

3 Minute Wonder, Episode 4
On Nature

“Does the brain control you or are you controlling the brain? I don't know if I'm in charge of mine.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 2 Episode 6
On Biology

“I saw a cockroach playing Pacman. It was on the internet, right, and somebody had linked up a cockroach to err… to some… I can't even be bothered explaining it, but that's what I'm saying - everything is moving on”

Karl Pilkington

The Podfather Trilogy, Episode 3 Christmas
On Nature

“Walking down the street in London with Suzanne, saw a little homeless.. well I didn't see the homeless bloke right, I saw a leg stickin out of a doorway, thought 'here we go', right. Walked past it, right, you're not gonna believe this. Homeless…. Chinese fella. I've never seen one of them.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 4
On People

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