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Karl Pilkington Quotes
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Karl Pilkington is an English television presenter, author, comedian, radio producer, actor, and voice actor.

Pilkington gained prominence as the producer of Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant's radio programme on XFM. He appeared on The Ricky Gervais Show, presented the Sky travel comedy series An Idiot Abroad, and made his full acting debut on Gervais' 2012 comedy-drama series Derek. Pilkington is a co-founder, along with Gervais and Merchant, of RiSK Productions, a television production company. Pilkington recently starred in the Sky 1 travel documentary comedy series The Moaning of Life . This is his first show to not have any involvement from either Gervais or Merchant.

✵ 23. September 1972
Karl Pilkington photo
Karl Pilkington: 160 quotes4 likes

Karl Pilkington Quotes

“As long as you're rememberin' baby Jesus, does it matter when you're rememberin' 'im[Karl on how he hates Christmas being the same date each year]”

Karl Pilkington

The Podfather Trilogy, Episode 2 Thanksgiving
On Christmas

“The only reason you don't go on holiday, is 'cause you have to spend money.”

Karl Pilkington

Xfm 21 June 2003
On Stephen Merchant

“I wouldn't put a date on that pancake day anyway, just av 'em when you want, have it when you want. There's no big deal. You've got to make 'em yourself, it's not like some place is openin' to do it. Have em when you want. I don't know why that's got a special day on it, sick-of-it”

Karl Pilkington

The Podfather Trilogy, Episode 2 Thanksgiving
On Calendars

“My brain's just full of passwords”

Karl Pilkington

The Moaning of Life, General Quotes

“At some point, somethin has had it away with a leaf [Karl's explanation of an insect which has evolved to look like a leaf to protect itself from predators]”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 3 Episode 3
On Biology

“And whilst the lizard’s having a kip, the scorpion says, ‘Tell ya what: I’ll do you a little deal…”

Karl Pilkington

Xfm 04 May 2002
On Nature

“A dog has got human eyes.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 3 Episode 3
On Nature

“(On Ricky asking him to do a diary next year)No I wouldn't, you know, cos you do the same stuff ever year don't ya? It's set up the same way: January, February it's the same thing, it's the same routine”

Karl Pilkington

The Podfather Trilogy, Episode 2 Thanksgiving
On Calendars

“You can only talk rubbish if you're aware of knowledge.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 2 Episode 6
On Sayings

“He got hot, he got so hot his lips fell off.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 3 Episode 3
On Biology

“Get married, get on with it, email us the pictures, we're happy to have a look.”

Karl Pilkington

The Moaning of Life, Karl on Marriage

“Is there anyone else that you look like, Steve, or would you say you're a bit of a one-off?”

Karl Pilkington

Xfm 28 June 2003
On Stephen Merchant

“If you don't sleep you get run down. Sloths never get a flu, cos its good innit thats when your body's replemishing”

Karl Pilkington

NME Radio Show
On Biology

“Whats good with a holiday right.. say if you work in a factory from 8 in the morning till 8 at night, packin socks into a rubber bag right.. between 8 and.. what time did i say he finishes?”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast - Bonus Hour
On Work

“Do you know like, when you're a bloke nudist, Do you ever get any who just have like a small knob?”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 2
On Nudity

“That's what I'm saying about Christmas, I might not be in the mood for it; December 25th”

Karl Pilkington

The Podfather Trilogy, Episode 3 Christmas
On Christmas

“Karl's Diary - Read about a pub which is gettin' some stick 'cause its stopped a horse goin' in. Its been the horse' regular for ages, but some new owners have taken over the pub and they said they're servin' fresh food and don't want a horse in there anymore”

Karl Pilkington

The Podfather Trilogy, Episode 2 Thanksgiving
On Food

“On identical twins - You always get a little snidey one.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 2 Episode 1
On Biology

“On homosexuals- I'm still none the wiser as to why they do that - Video Podcast|Video Podcast 5”

Karl Pilkington

On Sex

“Karl: I came up with a good idea…. see through skin”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 2 Episode 5
On Biology

“I'm just sayin', I don't like fun”

Karl Pilkington

The Podfather Trilogy, Episode 2 Thanksgiving
On Life

“Well, you took me to the BAFTAs. Yeah, but only cos no-one else would probably wanna go with you.”

Karl Pilkington

Xfm 26 October 2002
On Stephen Merchant

“If that was on my road the council would be like "Get that down, its a deathtrap!"”

Karl Pilkington

To Ricky and Steve about The Great Pyramids.
An Idiot Abroad

“But hummus. When did that happen?…but there's a restaurant down the road that that's all they do. That is isn't a proper meal, that's a side-order innit? That's like having a restaurant just floggin' tomato ketchup. Hummus isn't a meal. They don't even try and kid ya to get you in to flog you just hummus, they actually say Oh it's hummus today. Not gonna work, they shut down within a month.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 2 Episode 3
On Food

“The Elephant Man would never have gotten up and gone, ‘Oh, God. Look at me hair today.”

Karl Pilkington

Xfm 21 December 2002
On The Elephant Man

“It's like the panda, they say that's dying out. But what do they do? When you see them they're just sitting in the jungle eating”

Karl Pilkington

3 Minute Wonder, Episode 1
On Nature

“If anythin', like I said, he didn't do us a favour, he saved too much. You can't move out there for stuff (Referring to Noah saving every animal)”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 5
On the Bible

“On cutting open avocados- It's a food that ain't worth injuring yourself for. If it's a hassle to get into, leave it to the experts.”

Karl Pilkington

The Podfather Trilogy, Episode 3 Christmas
On Food

“A stitch in five saves fifteen or whatever - Another re-evaluation by Karl of the phrase 'A stitch in time saves nine”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 7
On Sayings

“Turns out it was another load of monkeys from another part of the island…from the rough bit…”

Karl Pilkington

Xfm 21 June 2003
On Monkeys

“I think some bacteria have better lives than that [Karls interpretation on the life of an innuit]”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 5
On Life

“Like I say, the first time I saw Steve I was never havin' a go, it was just, 'oh that's different' but you know, Steve, I was never havin' a go, it's just that thing, 'oh right interesting”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 6
On Stephen Merchant

“They say it all started out with a big bang. But, what I wonder is, was it a big bang or did it just seem big because there wasn't anything else drown it out at the time?”

Karl Pilkington

3 Minute Wonder, Episode 2
On Life

“If I was Noah, I would have gone, Hang on a minute, I've just seen somethin' that looks a bit like this, let it drown, have a bit of a clear out, but he was messin' about savin' everythin”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 5
On the Bible

“Flies used to be happy-go-lucky, on their own; the sun’s out, have a fly about. Now, there’s little attacks going on.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 3 Episode 4
On Nature

“I'm surprised that I won the race to the egg. I'm not a good swimmer. If I was back in there now I'd go forget it, let them lot go first.”

Karl Pilkington

The Moaning of Life, Karl on Kids

“We're just a weed in the universe”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 5 Episode 4
On the Earth

“What do dogs do? Sniff each other's arse. They don't knock about going "Let's try a chatup line."”

Karl Pilkington

The Moaning of Life, Karl on Marriage

“All I'm sayin is.. I've since found out what they do do with 'em.. and if they do do that with them.. give 'em a go on that.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1, Episode Two
On Sex

“Whether it's a potato or a nut, it's a foodage!”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 3 Episode 4
On Food

“It serves a purpose.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 2
On Sex

“Could the world fall?”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 2 Episode 3
On Mystery

“Were you a tall baby?”

Karl Pilkington

Xfm 12 January 2002
On Stephen Merchant

“On seeing an ultrasound picture- It was an awkward situation because she was happy with it. I was like 'Oh God.'”

Karl Pilkington

It was an odd looking thing. I couldn't say 'Oh, it looks like you' because that would be a diss.

Podcast Series 2 Episode 2
On Medicine