Janet Evanovich Quotes

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“God's a busy guy. He don't have time to micromanage. What are the chances he heard that? It's early in the morning. He's probably having breakfast with Mrs. God.”

“When something needs to be ironed I put it in the ironing basket. If a year goes by and the item is still in the basket I throw the item away. This is a good system since eventually I end up only with clothes that don’t need ironing.”

“Omygod, I haven’t got years. I’ll have to hide in the Bat Cave.”
“Once you go to the Bat Cave it’s forever, babe.”
Eeek.”

“You've been busy using your breaking and entering skills," I said.
"I just enter. I don't usually break."
"You broke down Pitch's door."
"Lost my temper."

-Ranger and Stephanie”

“Did you take Joyce's engine?'
'My instructions were to disable the car, but one of the men bet Hal a burger he couldn't get the engine out. So Hal removed the engine.”

“I almost never shoot people.”

“You never want to look in a mirror," Lula said. "Men love mirrors. They look at themselves doing the deed and they see Rex the Wonder Horse. Women look at themselves and think they need to renew their membership at the gym.”

“My body is not designed to run. My body was designed to sit in an expensive care and drive.”

“Aren't you something," Grandma said. "I never saw a midget up close."
"Little person," Briggs said. "And I never saw anyone as old as you up close, either.”

“Holy Crap,' Carolli said. 'You shot Jesus. That's gonna take a lot of Hail Marys.”

“We don't usually write up accidents involving rabbits.
- Joe Morelli”

“Ranger Smiled. 'You want me to be Superman? Spend the night with me.”

“Excuse me?" I said, palms down on the Formica tabletop. "Coffee? I thought we came here for pie." "I don't eat the kind of pie they serve here." I felt a flash of heat go through my stomach. I knew firsthand the kind of pie Ranger liked.”

“What's this outfit? You can't afford clothes? Are you wearing other peoples?"
Helen Plum”

“And the closest I've come to an out-of-body experience was when Joe Morelli took his mouth to me fourteen years ago, behind the eclair case.”

“I buy wine according to the bottle design. After I get down the first glass it all tastes okay to me so I figure you go for something classy to look at on the table”

“I rolled my eyes so far into the top of my head I almost fell over backward.”

“Your on your on with this one babe."
"Coward."
"Calling me names isn't going to get me in there."
-Ranger and Stephanie”

“A woman's never too old to make an idiot of herself. It goes along with equality of the sexes and potty parity.”

“Looks like you're on a roll. This is the second car you've toasted this week."
Carl Costanza - Hot Six”

“[Stephanie Plum]Jeez. No True Love"
[Grandma Mazur] There's always been true love, but in my day, you either talked yourself into thinking you had it, or you talked yourself into thinking you didn't need it.”

“As long as he has a house with two bathrooms. I swear to God, I don't care if he's Jack the Ripper.”

“My sex life is okay."

"Yeah," Morelli said. "But sometimes it's fun to have a partner.”