Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

“Beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin. It's about knowing and accepting who you are.”

“Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.”

“Never follow anyone else's path, unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.”

“In the beginning there was nothing. God said, ‘Let there be light!’ And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.”

“You know, it's hard work to write a book. I can't tell you how many times I really get going on an idea, then my quill breaks. Or I spill ink all over my writing tunic.”

“People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.”

“I hope I make people feel better. I hope I take people out of their situations a little bit and make them happier. That's really why I do what I do.”

“I am saddened by how people treat one another and how we are so shut off from one another and how we judge one another, when the truth is, we are all one connected thing. We are all from the same exact molecules.”

“Here are the values that I stand for: honesty, equality, kindness, compassion, treating people the way you want to be treated and helping those in need. To me, those are traditional values.”

“Things will get easier, people's minds will change, and you should be alive to see it.”

“I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.”

“I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon.”

“I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.”

“I think there's too much mult-tasking going on. I think people need to quiet down and focus and be still more.”

“Emote. It's okay. It shows you are thinking and feeling.”

“What would bug the Taliban more than seeing a gay woman in a suit surrounded by Jews?”

“Sometimes you can't see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others.”

“My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the colada.”

“I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.”

“Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.”

“True beauty is not related to what color your hair is or what color your eyes are. True beauty is about who you are as a human being, your principles, your moral compass.”

“Life is short. If you doubt me, ask a butterfly. Their average life span is a mere five to fourteen days.”

“It makes a big difference in your life when you stay positive.”

“I don't need a baby growing inside me for nine months. If I'm going to feel nauseous and achy when I wake up, I want to achieve that state the old-fashioned way: getting good and drunk the night before.”

“Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.”

“I'm so unfamiliar with the gym, I call it James!”

“It's failure that gives you the proper perspective on success.”

“Procrastination is not the problem. It is the solution.

Procrastinate now, don’t put it off.”

“I personally like being unique. I like being my own person with my own style and my own opinions and my own toothbrush.”

“I wonder what will happen if i put a hand cream on my feet, will they get confused and start clapping?”

“Take a nap in a fireplace and you'll sleep like a log.”

“Leaning forward in your chair when someone is trying to squeeze behind you isn't enough. You also have to move the chair.”

“Our flaws are what makes us human. If we can accept them as part of who we are, they really don't even have to be an issue.”

“My life is perfect even when it's not.”

“One time I actually cleaned out my closet so good I ended up on the cover of Time magazine.”

“When life gives you lemons…. they could really be oranges.”

“So be who you really are. Embrace who you are. Literally. Hug yourself. Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.”

“The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy for yourself and yourself.”

“Dan: 'Ah, well, I hope this didn't have anything to do with me.'

Ellen: 'No, not unless you played Cat Woman in Batman.”

“Answers to Frequently Asked Questions:
Yes.
Yes.
No.
One time in high school.
Three times in my twenties.
Rocks no salt.
Yes.
Four.
Never. And how dare you!
I will take no further questions.”

“Haiku sounds like I'm
Saying hi to someone named
Ku. Hi, Ku. Hello.”

“Baloney is just salami with an inferiority complex.”

“You just have to keep driving down the road. It's going to bend and curve and you'll speed up and slow down, but the road keeps going.”

“If someone ever says you’re weird, say thank you.”

“It always helps to think about other people instead of ourselves.”

“Above all things physical, it is more important to be beautiful on the inside - to have a big hear and an open mind and a spectacular spleen.”

“If we don't want to define ourselves by things as superficial as our appearances, we're stuck with the revolting alternative of being judged by our actions, by what we do.”

“You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.”

“Haters are my motivators”

“It's funny how cucumber water can taste so much better than pickle juice, even though they come from the same source.”

“Be kind to one another. Bye, bye.”

“When I look back on the stuff I used to wear, I wonder why somebody didn't try to stop me. Just a friendly warning, "You may regret this," would have been fine.”

“The problem with labels is that they lead to stereotypes and stereotypes lead to generalizations and generalizations lead to assumptions and assumptions lead back to stereotypes.”

“I enjoy growing older and wiser and learning from my mistakes every single day.”

“Quick decision makers are often stuck behind annoying people in line at Starbucks.”

“I was raised around heterosexuals, as all heterosexuals are, that's where us gay people come from… you heterosexuals.”

“You're never too old to play. You're only too old for low-rise jeans.”

“The only way a no-legged leopard could hurt you is if it fell out of a tree onto your head.”

“I think beauty comes from actually knowing who you are. That's real beauty to me.”

“Do you live each day as if it's your first or your last? Either way you should probably have a diaper on.”

“Being a teenager and figuring out who you are is hard enough without someone attacking you”

“That's what life is all about. There's a lot of crying. So you'd better cry now and get used to it.”

“Sometimes the greatest things are the most embarrassing.”

“I like to stretch my mind by reading and writing and watching educational TV shows like The Bachelor to learn the complex mating rituals of heterosexuals.”

“True beauty is about who you are as a human being, your principles, your moral compass.”

“So let that be a lesson, kids who get an F in math. Ellen says you’re doing the right thing. You’re welcome, parents.”