Derek Landy Quotes

“You have an amazing ability to depress me sometimes, you know that?"
"I try my best.”

“Is he all scarred now?”

“Magic gets rid of most physical scars, but I like to think I scarred him emotionally.”

“Are you kidding? I jumped off a building -- of course I'm hurt.”

“Suddenly Saracen Rue looked old and tired, and Skulduggery Pleasant came into focus as what he really was – a genius, a killer, a tortured soul, and the only true dead man among them.”

“Bravery is the acknowledgment and the conquering of fear.”

“You make a good point,' Fletcher conceded. 'See, there's a reason why you're the girl and I'm the boy. You think about things while I…'
'Don't?'
'Exactly,' he said happily.”

“Clarabelle laughed like she'd just heard the funniest thing ever. "Of course you HOPE you won't die, Valkyrie! Who would HOPE to die? That's just SILLY! But you probably WILL die, that's what I'm saying. Don't you think so?”

“Come and have a go, if you think you're hard enough”

“He said a bad word. Do you want to know what it was? It started with F. It's not the one you're thinking of, though. To the other one. The one that ends with P. do you want to know what it was? It was troop." She frowned. "Wait that's not a word.”

“It all depends on whatyou're talking about helping. That's the wonderful think about just about every religion on the planet - they're all so incredibly selfish.”

“She wants to be polite and not hurt your feelings, so she's not going to laugh right now. But inside, inside she's laughing.”

“Dexter, please put your shirt on. Valkyrie’s getting distracted.”
“I’m not,” she said, then smiled at Vex. “You don’t have to put your shirt on.”

“Being a detective isn't all about torture and murder and monsters. Sometimes it gets truly unpleasant… The fate of the world may depend on whether or not you can bring yourself to visit your relatives.”

“We're not retreating, we're advancing in reverse.' --Skulduggery Pleasant”

“We didn't die,' she said.

Of course not. I'm too clever to die, and you're too pretty.'

I am pretty,' Valkryie said, managing a grin.”

“Every solution to every problem is simple. It's the distance between the two where the mystery lies.”

“I swear, talking to you is like talking to a really good-looking and mildly stupid brick wall.”

“We're not really intruding," he called down. "This is all a big misunderstanding."
"Stop right there!" shouted one of them.
Skulduggery held his hand to an ear he didn't have.
"What's that?"
"Stop!"
"Keep going?"
"STOP!"
"OK, we'll keep going.”

“That's a shame. I'm sure somebody, somewhere, cares.”

“The rain battered the cottage. Valkyrie risked a look up at Skulduggery.
“What is it?” she whispered.
“It’s a box,” he whispered back.
“What kind of box?”
“A wooden one.”
She gave him a look.”

“You can only anticipate what someone is going to do if you know exactly what that someone has just done.' --Skulduggery”

“I have sought you out to cure me.'
'To cure you of what?'
'Of this cursed affliction.'
'I cannot cure stupidity.'
Scapegrace frowned.”

“The lies we tell other people are nothing to the lies we tell ourselves.”

“Guild doesn't like me."
"That's true."
"He doesn't like you, ether."
"That is mystifying.”

“Emergency Valve Regulators," she repeated. "So you do know what your doing?
"Not really," he said yanking another wire. 'I made up that term to keep you happy. I'm just pulling all the red wires because they're the pretty ones.”

“Very' is such a strong word…”

“don't treat me like a child."
He smiled. "Of course I do, but you seem to have this ridiculous notion that being treated like a child means to be treated with less respect than an adult.”

“You're late,' he said.
'I'm beautiful.'
'You're always beautiful.'
'I'm always late too.”

“Of course I want to kill you," said Skulduggery. "I want to kill most people. But then where would I be? In a field of dead people with no one to talk to.”

“Desmond, don't poke the baby!'…
'I'll get you next time-'
Don't threaten the baby either!'…”

“Stephanie had no problem doing what she
was told, just so long as she was given a good reason why she
should.”

“I'm fairly certain. I could be some ghastly hallucination, a figment of my own imagination”

“You be sure to throw the book at him, you hear me? I feel violated, Detective. Violated."
"I'll throw this table at you if you don't give us the names we're looking for.”

“So what does that actually mean?'
'To be honest, Ghastly, I haven't a bull's notion.'
'Elder Bespoke should be addressed by his full title,' Tipstaff said.
'Of course,' Skulduggery said. 'To be honest, Your Highness, I haven't a bull's notion.”

“Have you killed anyone?” she asked quickly.
“What? Did you miss what I said, about turning murder into
an art form?”
“But you haven’t actually killed anyone yet, have you? I read
your file.”
He glowered. “Technically, yeah, all right, maybe I haven’t”

“This isn't funny. She was almost killed.'
'I'm aware. You're waiting to see if I will get angry.'
'I already know you're angry. You're sitting very still and you're talking very quietly. You're getting ready to kill someone.'
'I just need a name.”

“Wait, do they even know I'm coming with you?"
"No. But they like surprises. Almost always.”

“The sparrow flies south for the winter.”

“Violence?"Skulduggery said. "Violence is never the answer, until it's the only answer.”

“I am a rational man, but haven't you heard? i'm also insane. It gives me a unique perspective on things.”

“Tides do what tides do–they turn.”

“Honesty is, honestly, the best policy,” said Saracen. “But when honesty doesn’t work, lie, and lie convincingly.”

“I don’t want a perfectly safe weapon. I want a dangerous weapon that hurts people.”
He took the stick from her, rapped it against her head. She howled and he nodded.
“See? It hurts people.”

“Punishment is not the answer. Punishment is easy. It’s lazy. Redemption is hard. Redemption makes you work.”
-Skulduggery”

“Peace means nothing without freedom.”

“I'm sophisticated, charming, suave, and debonair, Professor. But I have never claimed to be civilized.”

“We don’t do what we do for the glory or the fame or the credit; we do it for the quiet satisfaction of making the world a better place, saving the lives of innocents, and being better than you are.”

“Oh, escape is easy once you have the right plan.'
'Do we have the right plan?'
'Not yet.'
'Do we have any plan?'
'Not yet.”

“Because I’m an English ninja,” Tanith replied. “We’re just like regular ninjas, except we wear leather and flirt more.”

“You can't leave me alone," she said, following him into the living room.
"Yes," he corrected, "I can. You'll be perfectly safe."
"The front door's off!"
"Well, yes. You'll be perfectly safe as long as they don't come through the front door.”

“Sanguine chuckled. "I like you, boy. You got optimism in these bones. I like you so much that I ain't gonna tell you what I did to poor old Jethro, the first Jethro, may he rest in peace, may they someday find his head.”

“Valkyrie smiled patiently. "I like how you do your make-up. Do you use a brush, or just dip your head in the bucket?”

“Are you going to shoot me?' Vengeous sneered. 'I wouldn't be surprised. What would a thing like you know about honor? Only a heathen would bring a gun to a sword fight.'

And only a moron would bring a sword to a gunfight.”

“They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit," Valkyrie said.

China glanced at her. "They've obviously never met me.”

“I'm placing you under arrest for murder, conspiracy to commit murder and, I don't know, possibly littering.”

“What is it?' Stephanie whispered.
'That, my dear Valkyrie, is what we call a monster.'
She looked at Skulduggery. 'You don't know what it is, do you?'
'I told you what it is, it's a horrible monster. Now shut up before it comes over here and eats us.”

“Kindness suits you."

"Really? I think I'm quite allergic to it.”

“So that plan worked out well.'

Skulduggery, your entire plan consisted of, and I quote, "Let's get up close and then see what happens."'

All the same,' he said, 'I think the whole thing worked out rather beautifully.”

“It's not that I want you to go, it's just that I don't want you to stay." - China Sorrows -”

“Valkyrie, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but your friend is most likely dead.”
“Of course he’s dead. He’s a skeleton.”

“What would killing the Elders result in?"
"Panic? Fear? Three empty parking spaces in the Sanctuary?”