Derek Landy Quotes

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“We punch people, Valkyrie. That’s who we are. Embrace your inner lunatic. Fun times guaranteed.”

“Valkyrie: “You are such a moron.”
Skulduggery: “Don't be jealous of my genius.”

“I love you all, even those I don’t particularly like. That’s you, Beryl.”

“Well, for future reference, this is my serious face.”

“Found something?”
“No, sorry. I thought I had, but, no, it turned out to be, uh… more floor.”

“You're not stealing anything, you're not breaking anything, so I'd guess you're Stephanie.”

“Then I reckon we got ourselves a good old-fashioned standoff."
…
Nobody moved, or said anything, for the next few moments.
"Old-fashioned standoffs are mighty borin”

“So he has no head'
'Thats usually what headless means'
'No head at all?'
'Your really not getting the whole headless thing are you?'
'Its just kind of silly even for us…”

“An untied shoelace can be dangerous,' he said.
'I could have tripped.'
She stared at him. A moment dragged by.
'I'm joking,' he said at last.
She relaxed. 'Really?'
'Absolutely. I would never have tripped. I'm far too graceful.”

“By the way, all joking aside, do I call you Ghastly or Elder Bespoke?'
'You can call me whatever you like.'
Vex nodded. 'Thank you, Gladys.”

“I think zombies are kind of cute.”
“Seriously?”
“I may be thinking about bunnies. Which one has the fluffy little tail, zombies or bunnies?”
“Bunnies.”
“Then it’s bunnies I’m thinking of.”

“They might be kittens," she said hopefully.
"They're stalking us."
"They might be shy."
"I don't think it's kittens, Valkyrie."
"Puppies, then?”

“I woke up, a bag of bones. Literally. They had gathered up my bones and put them in a bag and thrown the bag into a river.”

“Well, to put it delicately, she has the power to suck out people's brains.”

“This is your one chance. Tell me where the key is."
"Okay."
Serpine raised an eyebrow. "Really?"
"No, only joking. Do your worst.”

“He crouched at the car window and looked in. 'What a lovely family you have. What a charming family. They're all lovely. Except for that one.' His finger jabbed the glass. 'That one's a bit ugly.”

“But if you can confront your inner demons—"

"I did confront my inner demon. I punched him in the face and he exploded."

Valkyrie had to laugh. "But now he's back."

"Of course he's back. He's resourceful. He isinner demon, after all.”

“Only a heathen would bring a gun to a sword fight.'

And only a moron would bring a sword to a gunfight.”

“Plans are invitation to disappointment.”

“Are you taking my hat hostage?”

“I try not to underestimate my opponents, no matter how ridiculous their beards.”

“Oh, China. How I have missed you.'
'And I have missed you, Eliza. But don't worry, next time my aim will be better.”

“I would love to have a battle of wits with you, Bison, but I doubt it would be a fair fight.'
'Shut your face.'
'Exactly my point.”

“The world is bigger than you know, and scarier than you might imagine. The only currency worth anything is being true to yourself, and the only goal worth seeking is finding out who you truly are.”

“If there is one regret that I have had in my life, it is that I never fathered any children. There are times, when I look at what Fergus and Beryl have produced, when I consider myself fortunate, but there are also times when it breaks my heart.”

“It’s fairly standard. Also, I’m fourteen. Also, your
beard’s stupid.”
“Isn’t this fun?” Skulduggery said brightly. “The three of us
getting along so well.”

“He looked at her. “We’re meant to be together…”
“And this is exactly what I mean.”
“Our love is written in the stars.”
“And there you go again.”
“I love you.”
“You bore me.”

“You have no idea about presents or what they mean. The last
present you gave me was a stick.”
“You wanted a weapon.”
“It was a stick.”
“It had a bow on it.”
“It was a stick.”
“I thought you liked the stick. You laughed.”

“Is that it?”
“No. That’s a wall.”
“It could be disguised.”
“You’re not very good at looking for things, are you?”
“I’m good at looking for walls. Look, I found another one.”

“It would be fun,” Skulduggery nodded. ”I like kicking Wreath in the face. I haven't had a chance to do it nearly as much as I'd like.”

“What?" she asked again.
He pointed ahead of them. "See that?"
"What, the snow?"
"Beyond that."
"More snow?"
"Stop looking at the snow.”

“Still, he figured, sometimes you've got to do what you've got to do, and then sometimes you've just got to run like hell after it's done.”

“Please forgive me," Pleasant said, then aimed the gun at the girl and pulled the trigger.”

“That's ridiculous. The only point in having enemies is so you can defeat them, kill them, brush them aside."

"Or give them a chance to redeem themselves.”

“You say one more thing that sounds like it's ripped from the pages of a really bad gothic romance and I'm out of here, are we clear?" - Valkyrie Cain”

“Just leave her alone. You're annoying her.'
'I'm not annoying her. She doesn't even know how to be annoyed. She's, what, a week old?'
'She's three months.'
'She's three months in our years, but what is she in baby years?”

“Scapegrace leaped up. “I am the Killer Supreme! I make
murder into an art form!”
Skulduggery hit him again and Scapegrace did a little twirl
before falling.”

“tanith: have you called the police?
fergus: they, uh, they said theyd call by this afternoon.
tanith: tell them not to bother… im his doctor.
beryl: what kind of doctor dresses in brown leather?
tanith: the kind that looks good init”

“Do you think we’ll be waiting long?” Valkyrie asked,
keeping her voice low.
“The last time we were in this building, we accused the
Grand Mage of being a traitor,” Skulduggery said. “Yes, I think
we’ll be waiting long.”

“I cross the place where my heart used to be and hope to be even deader than I am now.”

“Just because an apple falls one hundred times out of a hundred does not mean it will fall on the hundred and first.”

“You're under arrest for multiple counts of murder. You have the right to not much at all, really. Do you have anything to say in your defense?”

“You look angry," he said.
"You put me on hold."
"For a very good reason."
"You put me," she said very, very slowly, "on hold.”

“Right, well, we've got to work out what we need. We've got to work out what we need, how we get it, and what we need to get to get what we need.”

“We can do this the easy way,' Oblivious snarled. 'Or the hard way.'
'What's the easy way?'
'You leave immediately.'
'And what's the hard way?'
'We make you leave.'
Skulduggery's head tilted. 'What was the easy way again?”

“Oh my god you're thicker than you look”

“Cheer up everyone," he said, a new brightness to his voice. "Since we’re all going to die horribly anyway, what’s there to be worried about?”

“She glared at him. “I'm not weird like that. I'm good weird. I'm cool weird.”
“Yes,” he said doubtfully. “Yes, you are.”

“She had been a teenager once, and she knew that, despite the apparent contradictions, a person's teenage years lasted well into their fifties.”