Jennifer Crusie Quotes

“That’s not a father. That’s a sperm donor. Forget him. He’s a mess. Concentrate on me. I’m terrific. -(Linc Blaise)”

“If you can't be a good example, then be a terrible warning.”

“Everybody's crooked. The trick is to find out how they're bent.”

“Broaden your horizons. They're the only ones you'll ever have, so make the suckers as wide as possible.”

“She slid out from under his arm, and picked up his shirt from the floor. When she put it on, it failed to meet in the middle over her chest. that always worked in the movies, she thought, disgusted, and dropped it on the floor.”

“Say it,” she said, and he said, “I love you. I’ll always love you. Forever. It’s a life sentence. Now put the damn ring on.”

“Feel no guilt. Getting married and giving birth does not mean that you have sold your life away to perfectly healthy people who can get their own damn socks.”

“Very few people mate for life with the people they fall for at twelve. Doesn't mean is isn't real, doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, doesn't mean it doesn't matter, but basically, we're talking a practice swing in the big game of love.”

“His sentences didn't seem to have any verbs, which was par for a politician. All nouns, no action.”

“It's a good thing he broke up with you because now you're free for when the right man finds you. Your prince is on his way."
"Right. I'm sure he was on his way but a truck hit him.”

“You have to open up to the world and learn optimism… Contentment with the past, happiness with the present, and hope for the future. Learned optimisim.”

“Look, Mother, I am never going to be thin.
I'm Norwegian. If you wanted a thin daughter, you should not have married a man whose female ancestors carried cows home from the pasture”

“Nothing but good times ahead.”

“When Eve ate the apple her knowledge increased. But God liked dumb women so Paradise ceased. Gwen Goodnight. Her Work.”

“Any instructions?” Carpenter said.
“Yeah,” Shane said. “Shoot anybody who looks at Agnes funny. And anybody else you don’t like. I’m getting tired of this shi*.”
“Somebody needs a hug,” Carpenter said.
“Humor,” Shane said. “Har.”

“It's not a problem. There are people out there with much worse problems than mine."-Cynthia
"Doesn't make yours any more fun to bear."-Liza
"No. But it does help with the self-pity."- Cynthia”

“You've lived in America for twenty years. Eat badly, damn it.”

“This is making me crazy. I hate relying on other people to save me, I hate being clingy, I hate it, and every time you show up, I lean on you. - Matilda Scarlet Veronica Betty Vilma Goodnight”

“Your cat just got cat hair on me.” “It’s only fair,” Min said. “Your suit just got expensive suit lint on him.”

“I'm talkin' about you. Stop pretending you're normal. You're insane. Make that work for you.”

“Can we go to work now? Because we're about a minute away from breaking out the
ice cream and talking about our feelings, and I don't think we can come back from that.”

“I'll never forget my first time with you' Min said as she edged the doughnut off her finger. 'The earth moved, and then my mother asked my father who he was going down on at lunch.”

“I could shove this swizzle stick through his heart, Min thought. She would'nt do it, of course. The stick was plastic and not nearly pointed enough on the end.”

“If you are not going to be a comfort, have the decency to be an empty space.”

“Say, ‘Thank you, Phin.’ ”
“Oh, please.”
“Say, Thank youvery much, Phin. ”
“I don’t think so.”
“Say, ‘You are a great lover, Phin.’ ”
“I’m out of here.”

“If you haven't failed, you're not trying hard enough.”

“I’m gonna have to get my eyes checked. I can’t see crap until it’s right in front of me”

“It was a lot easier when we could just brand'em," Ben said. "Then everybody'd know not to mess with our womenfolk.”

“no more pep talks about believing in toads," Liza said.
"Don't they turn into princeses when you kiss them?" Bonnie said.
"Thats frogs," Liza Said. "Entirely different species.”

“Okay, Shane," Agnes said as Brenda's clock gonged midnight. "I got Joey in the kitchen, a cop in the front hall, a dead body in the basement, and you in my bedroom. Where do you want to start?”

“Have you talked to North?" he said.
"Yes," she said. "I asked him to get us cable."
"I wish you weren't talking to him."
"I'd talk to Satan to get cable," Andie said.”

“Dead woman are not romantic,' Sophie said flatly.

'Okay, she's not dead,' Phin said. 'The bear ate her, and she came her brains out.”

“Part of being a writer is defending your vision and not caving in to outside pressures.”

“Once you know the truth, it's always obvious”

“There wasn't enough gratitude in the world for a server who kept drinks coming at a time like this.”