Quotes from book

Brain Droppings

“There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.”

“There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.”

“I wanted to get a job as a gynecologist, but I couldn't find an opening.”

“My mother would say, 'Why are you always playing alone?' And I would say, 'I'm not playin', Ma. I'm fuckin' serious!”

“I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.”

“Because we were a poor area, the school had a small budget and was unable to teach the second half of the alphabet.”

“I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.”

“I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.”

“And although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me.”

“I went through the usual stages: imp, rascal, scalawag, whippersnapper. And, of course, after that it's just a small step to full-blown sociopath.”

“I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.”

“I didn't wash today. I wasn't dirty. If I'm not dirty, I don't wash. Some weeks I don't have to shower at all. I just groom my three basic areas: teeth, hair, and asshole. And to save time, I use the same brush.”

“So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.”

“I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.”

“I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it the better.”

“The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.”

“She was only a prostitute, but she had the nicest face I ever came across.”

“The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.”

“Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other's picture.”