Dorothy Parker cytaty

„Żyletka? – krew, nieporządek;
Rzeka? – moczy;
Tabletka? – zła na żołądek;
Kwas? – szczypie w oczy;
Rewolwer? – a zezwolenie?
Pętla? – pęka w pierwszym użyciu;
Gaz? – czuć go wszędzie szalenie;
Lepiej już pozostać przy życiu.”

„Ci, którzy znają sztorm, umierają z nudów, gdy panuje wokół spokój.”

„Kiedy dziewczyna wychodzi za mąż, zamienia zainteresowanie dziesięciu młodych ludzi na brak zainteresowania jednego.”

„Mężczyzna chętnie zapłaci za rozwód nawet sto tysięcy, żeby uwolnić się od uczuć żony, które nie warte były dla niego dwóch groszy.”

„Nie patrz na mnie tym tonem głosu.”

“In youth, it was a way I had,
To do my best to please.
And change, with every passing lad
To suit his theories.

But now I know the things I know
And do the things I do,
And if you do not like me so,
To hell, my love, with you.”

“Two things made The Dice of the Gods, another play about drugs, seem much better than it had any real right to seem. One was that Morphia had come first, and once you had seen Morphia, nothing seemd so very terrible to you. p. 375”

“They sicken of the calm who know the storm.”

“If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.”

“Razors pain you,
Rivers are damp,
Acids stain you,
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful,
Nooses give,
Gas smells awful.
You might as well live.”

“By the time you swear you're his,
Shivering and sighing.
And he vows his passion is,
Infinite, undying.
Lady make note of this --
One of you is lying.”

“Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.”

“Don't look at me in that tone of voice.”

“This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it."

[]”

“Now I know the things I know, and I do the things I do; and if you do not like me so, to hell, my love, with you!”

“Ducking for apples -- change one letter and it's the story of my life.”

“I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.”

“I shudder at the thought of men….
I'm due to fall in love again”

“Too fucking busy, and vice versa.”

“Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.”

“The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.”

“I hate writing, I love having written.”

“I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.”

“I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I’m under the table,
After four I’m under my host.”

“What fresh hell is this?”

“If I didn't care for fun and such,
I'd probably amount to much.
But I shall stay the way I am,
Because I do not give a damn.”

“Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.”

“You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.”

“Brevity is the soul of lingerie.”

“That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say No in any of them.”

“I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.”

“And if my heart be scarred and burned,
The safer, I, for all I learned.”

“She was pleased to have him come and never sorry to see him go.”

“Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.”