Nicole Hollander: Woman

“(Sylvia at typewriter) "Superwoman." The definition is 1. A woman who has supernatural powers and uses them to fight evil. 2. A woman who has supernatural powers and uses them to combine a family and a career.”

“(Television) Being a woman is as much a state of mind as a state of being. (Sylvia) Right. You stop paying attention, you might turn into a tuna.”

“(Bartender Harry) What's your ethnic background? (Sylvia) Woman.”

“(Woman) I'm curious about my demise. (Devil)…at a party…When you hear about the latest presidential betrayal on an issue you hold dear, you pitch over the terrace railing and fall 43 stories.”

“(Man on television) Man is the hunter. Woman is the civilizing influence, and when women abandon that role, men become (Sylvia) Cranky, and start wars.”

“(Woman sitting by swimming pool) To me the most important quality in a kitchen is that it be in someone else's house, or in a restaurant.”

“(Woman in office) Help, I am a rich woman being kept prisoner in a working woman's body.”

“(Man at bar) You know the kind of woman I could really go for?... Someone intelligent, witty, passionate about her work, totally involved in life, and willing to give it all up for me.”

“(Man at dinner table) Bet you don't know what a male swan is called. (Woman at dinner table) Sure I do. A swine.”

“(Man in suit to Indian woman) Oh guru, ancient mother of the world, we men have been crippled. We have never learned how to feel; we don't even know how to cry. Oh my wise guru, can you teach me to cry? (Guru) Sure. No problem. Tomorrow I'll start you at a dead-end job, pay you at women's wages and then I'll throw in sole support of a pre-school child.”

“(First woman)…Men lose their sense of humor as they get older…their brains shrink…So men will be getting grumpier, just as we're getting…(Second woman) Shorter.”

“(Woman organizing picnic) Most normal people would agree that pizza is nature's perfect food, right?”

“(Woman psychic) In June of 1987, men will begin talking about their feelings; women all over America will be sorry within minutes.”

“(Woman psychic to woman client) So how come the tall, dark, handsome stranger I see in your future is a woman?”

“(The Woman Who Does Everything Better Than You) …it's a worse shock to lose one of your five homes than it is to lose your only home. I'm sure psychologists will back me up on this.”

“(Man in bar) The kind of woman I want just isn't around anymore. (Sylvia) Perhaps if you wait for a full moon.”

“(Woman to psychic) Which do you think is the more impossible dream: the perfect man or the perfect handbag?”

“Woman to Devil) I want to refinance my soul. (Devil) You’re going to take a bath on points. (p.78”

“(Sign) Mid-year resolutions of the barely under-control. (Woman at desk) I will try to be more understanding of others. I will try to be more patient when dealing with the incompetent people that surround me. I will not slap anyone first thing in the morning. (Sign on desk) The buck stops before it gets here.”