Maddox Quotes (69 quotes) | Quotes of famous people

Maddox: 69 quotes 1 like

Famous Maddox Quotes

“It simultaneously warms my heart and wears my delete key when I get emails from twelve-year-olds.”

Maddox

The Best Page in the Universe

“6. You realize that if 10 million people saw the movie once, each wasting 3 hours of their lives, that 30 million hours have been wasted, and that if each person lived an average of 70 years, 3,424 years, or 49 lives will have been wasted watching the Titanic. James Cameron has effectively murdered 49 people. (Not necessarily a reason to cry, but it is to a sap that saw Titanic in the first place).”

Maddox

Reasons to cry during the movie "Titanic" http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=cry_titanic.
The Best Page in the Universe

“"How can a movie be "one of the best"? There's only one "best" movie, so saying something is "one of the best" is stupid and doesn't make sense. Technically any movie that's not the worst could be considered "one of the best." Imagine that, another empty phrase used by marketing people. I want to punch someone in the throat."”

Maddox

Hollywood: still out of ideas? How about another black-guy-meets-white-guy comedy http://maddox.xmission.com/cop_movie.html
The Best Page in the Universe

“Most of the screen on a blog is blank for an imaginary populace of readers still using 640x480 resolution. I didn't buy a 19" monitor to have 50% of its screen realestate pissed away on firing white pixels, you assholes.”

Maddox

If these words were people, I would embrace their genocide http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=banish.
The Best Page in the Universe

“I've pissed higher than the tallest building in Utah.”

Maddox

The Best Page in the Universe

“(introduction) "this page is about my opinions. if you disagree, you have a right to your opinion and i can respect that."”

Maddox

One of the Better Pages in the Universe. http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=april_fools04
The Best Page in the Universe, April Fools

Maddox Quotes about people

“The earth's population is about 6 billion. At 15 minutes per person, that amounts to over 171,000 years we'd have to spend just sitting around watching people be "famous.”

Maddox

To hell with that."
I wonder if Jenny Jones can come up with a topic that rhymes with "canceled." http://maddox.xmission.com/jenny_canceled.html
The Best Page in the Universe

“There are very few people who look good in red lipstick, and those people usually juggle for a living.”

Maddox

Fashion tips for women from a guy who knows dick about fashion. http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=fashion
The Best Page in the Universe

“New rule: if your state has more cows than people, you don't get to be a state anymore.”

Maddox

Idaho blows http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=idaho_blows
The Best Page in the Universe

“Thank you Joe Nobody for giving me your expert opinion on what missile sounds like, because gas station superintendents are usually the best people to ask about the sonic signature of ballistic missile thrust.”

Maddox

The Best Page in the Universe

“Is someone you know anorexic? A good joke would be to tell them that they're fat. They'll laugh because anorexic people aren't fat. HAHAH”

Maddox

Pranks to try on people in the hospital! http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=jokes
The Best Page in the Universe

“I've got pissing people off down to a science.”

Maddox

The Best Page in the Universe

Maddox: Trending quotes

“Don't you retards think before you click "Send" that maybe someone on the other end is actually going to read your stupid, malformed emails some day? It's almost like there's a record full of incomprehensible bullshit playing in your mind 24/7, and you put the needle down randomly and whatever it picks up, you just type it up in an email and shoot it off to me, usually mid-sentence.”

Maddox

I am a genius, you are not. http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=your_stupid_ideas
The Best Page in the Universe

Stupidity , Thinking , Reading

“General Grievous," a bad guy so sinister, his very name stands for PAIN AND SUFFERING. Nice job assholes… Why not just call all your characters "Evil" and "Bad" next time?”

Maddox

Star Wars Episode III: a steaming pile of Sith http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=episode3
The Best Page in the Universe

Pain , Guy , Suffering , Evil

“…'SummerGrl19?' Very clever handle by the way, the only way you could make it any more unoriginal or cliche would be to add the words 'happy, cute' or 'princess' to the name.”

Maddox

Bullshit Hate Mail http://maddox.xmission.com/hatemail.cgi?p=1#MARATHON.
The Best Page in the Universe

Way , Princess , Happiness

Maddox Quotes

“Watching this video is like being bukkaked with stupid.”

Maddox

The Best Page in the Universe

Stupidity

“That reminds me of how much I hate babies. Why does everyone want to save them? There are too many babies. I'm not saying we should kill them, but if you happen to be giving your baby a bath and the phone rings.. well, nobody will judge you. Besides, you might get free brownies out of it at the funeral, and brownies rule.”

Maddox

The Best Page in the Universe

Hate , Baby

“It's not that I rule, it's that everyone else sucks more than I do. We all suck, and whoever sucks the least is king.”

Maddox

Whoever Sucks the Least is King: An Interview with Maddox http://www.poindexteronline.com/old/www/text/archives/00000078.html
The Best Page in the Universe

“Science can learn a lot from someone this stupid.”

Maddox

The Best Page in the Universe

Stupidity , Learning , Science

“Whales are drinking all our water and eating our sailors.”

Maddox

When is the last time a whale did anything for you? http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=whales_suck
The Best Page in the Universe

Drink , Water

“"The theme song states "YOU GOT THE POWER TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE… YOU GOT THE POWER TO MAKE A CHANGE." Wow, thank you MTV, for making me feel empowered and independent, like only a multinational media conglomerate can."”

Maddox

I hate Cameron Diaz http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=trippin
The Best Page in the Universe

Feeling , Change

“This car just looks terrible; it looks like it was designed by a blind child with arthritis. In a coma.”

Maddox

on the Honda Element
Proof that wealth can't buy class: the top four ugliest cars on the road. http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=ugly_cars
The Best Page in the Universe

Cars

“Fernando is wanted for 'murder with a deadly weapon' according to the FBI website. As opposed to being wanted for murder with a non-deadly weapon?”

Maddox

The Best Page in the Universe

“(introduction) This page is about me and why everything I like is great. If you disagree with anything you find on this page, you are wrong.”

Maddox

The Best Page In The Universe. http://maddox.xmission.com/
The Best Page in the Universe

“There are only three reasons you should ever be this delighted about anything, and all of them involve you being a hot chick, meeting me, and lube.”

Maddox

The Best Page in the Universe

“I was going to write about how I was going to take away women's right to vote, but that one is pretty obvious since nobody wants women to vote, except for women, and they don't count.”

Maddox

Looking for a safe stance on abortion? Me neither. http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=regressive
The Best Page in the Universe

Women

“The only thing that goes with Crocs is social Ostracism.”

Maddox

Fashion tips for women from a guy who knows dick about fashion. http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=fashion
The Best Page in the Universe

“Look out pop-culture! Bono has had enough of 'romantic love'.”

Maddox

The eleven worst songs of 2004 http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=11worst
The Best Page in the Universe

Love

“It was like Rambo sent them all Christmas cards, but instead of cards it was murder.”

Maddox

Astrology is bullshit. http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=astrology
The Best Page in the Universe

Christmas

“"This sounds like the soundtrack of a coma." (On U2's song One Step Closer)”

Maddox

The Best Page in the Universe

“What the hell is "partly cloudy" supposed to mean? When is it not partly cloudy? … Just tune into a weather forecast. Chances are you'll hear the phrase at least 3 or more times.”

Maddox

Meteorologist my ass! http://maddox.xmission.com/weather.html
The Best Page in the Universe

Hell , Chance , Time , Weather

“There aren't many things I don't want to experience in life, but the sensual caress of a parent going through mid-life crisis is one of them.”

Maddox

The Best Page in the Universe

Life , Parent

“i hope that earns me some eprops (proper recognition in an electronic form lol) LOL LOL LOL!!!”

Maddox

The Best Page in the Universe, April Fools

Hope

“What are the odds that a simple geometric folding of a $20 bill with elements of design that were conceived in 1928 by a committee of treasurers, a full 42 years before the World Trade Center even existed, could accidentally contain a representation of both terror attacks? Pretty good, apparently.”

Maddox

There is no 9/11 conspiracy you morons. http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=911_morons
The Best Page in the Universe

World

“Finally when the movie started, I thought the bullshit ads were over, but no. First thing they showed was a "coke break" sponsored and produced by coke. […] I paid $7 for a movie, NOT FOR BULLSHIT ADVERTISEMENTS.”

Maddox

I paid $7.00 for a movie... http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=moviebs
The Best Page in the Universe

“My Nuts are just under critical mass, a few inches away from collapsing into a super dense vortex of nutsaqutron (a type of radiation given off by enormous balls).”

Maddox

My balls are huge. http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=balls_are_huge
The Best Page in the Universe

“"my friend and i were watching mtv the other day when nelly came on and my friend was like "omg nelly rules". hes such an idiot, he only listens to trendy music. at least i like original stuff like beyonce.”

Maddox

lol @ fox for laugh out loud sundays! http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=af_fox
The Best Page in the Universe, April Fools

Music

“If women ran the world, we'd still be searching for the wheel.”

Maddox

Twenty-six things a perfect guy would do, and other propaganda disseminated by misguided women. http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=26_things
The Best Page in the Universe

Women , World , Search

“I don't get it: they re-package the same shitty football games every year, update a few stats, call it a new game and millions of suckers keep buying them. What's the point? Why not just go outside and play real football instead? Or even better yet, get bent. Nobody likes football.”

Maddox

Ikaruga kicks ass http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=ikaruga
The Best Page in the Universe

Game , Football

“There's no shame in masturbation, unless you get caught.”

Maddox

We know you're a cranky bitch, you don't need the bumper sticker. http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=stupid_bitch
The Best Page in the Universe

“Kenley is alleged to have sexually assaulted her eleven-year-old stepson, then ditched out on bond. The FBI says Kenley has ties to Arkansas. Talk about trying to find a needle in a hay stack.”

Maddox

The Best Page in the Universe

“No, I'm not a democrat or a republican. I'm just a guy who's tired of the bullshit.”

Maddox

The Best Page in the Universe

Guy

“If you've ever wondered what someone who's horny enough to pay a bunch of adolescents $5000 in cash in exchange for some action looks like, take a good look at Ms. Walker's picture. Three words: battery operated dildo. Or if you happen to be a stickler for brevity like I am, just one word: cucumber. Because, damn.”

Maddox

How to spot a pedophile http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=spot_the_pedo.
The Best Page in the Universe

“When the iPhone was first announced, CEO Steve Jobs spewed enough BS to cover a football field full of babies 3 feet deep in bullshit, which sounds cool because he could have potentially murdered a football field full of babies, but he passed on this opportunity by introducing the phone instead.”

Maddox

The iPhone is a piece of shit, and so is your face. http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=iphone
The Best Page in the Universe

Football , Baby

“I'm impressed that they've been able to take a 2D character with a 1D personality and bloat it into a 3D disaster.”

Maddox

Garfield sucks http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=garfield_sucks
The Best Page in the Universe

Personality

“Imagine finding out you got rejected from community college, then finding out that your alcoholic father got arrested for domestic abuse, you lost all your life savings in a Ponzi scheme, and all of this happens to you while you're on the space shuttle Challenger. Then you wake up and it's all a bad dream, except you realize that you're at work without clothes on, and work is NASA and you're really on the space shuttle Challenger. That's what this movie is like, only infinitely worse. Everything about this movie pissed me off, save for the lesbian finger bang scene. Except even that sucked because it wasn't in the movie.”

Maddox

Quantum of Solace is a shitpile. http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=quantum_of_phallus
The Best Page in the Universe

Life , Alcohol , Dreams , Imagination

“Let's face it: there are few things in this world more stupid than dancing. Except break dancing, which pirates and lumber jacks would agree is awesome. Other than that, dancing makes me envy cripples.”

Maddox

The Best Page in the Universe

Stupidity , World , Dance , Envy

“Okay, here's a tip: if you're doing something creepy like molesting children, you don't need to take topless photos of yourself to seal the deal. We know, the pedosmile is enough.”

Maddox

The Best Page in the Universe

Children , Photo

“Having spelling errors is one thing, but c'mon. I've typed out more coherent sentences with my penis.”

Maddox

The Best Page in the Universe

Error

“The next time you ask someone how their day is going, expect, no, DEMAND a response. Don't settle for good. Demand the truth. Make them admit that they're having a shitty day, and then do your best to make it worse.”

Maddox

I Hate Small Talk http://maddox.xmission.com/smalltalk.html
The Best Page in the Universe

Truth , Time

“I have a different stance on abortion: I'm against abortion, but for killing babies. That way everyone loses, and I win. I'm neither pro choice, nor pro life; I'm pro you-shutting-the-hell-up. The only way I'd be "pro choice" is if it meant I could choose which babies I could abort, and only then if I could lift the age restriction to 80."”

Maddox

The Best Page in the Universe

Life , Age , Way , Hell

“If you got caught screwing around on the job, you'd probably get fired, and so would I. Why should he get away with it?”

Maddox

on Bill Clinton
Grow a pair and impeach that horny bastard http://maddox.xmission.com/clinton.html
The Best Page in the Universe

“"4 example the other day i saw a black person walking down the street and i was like "omg a negro" but instead of walking on the other side i said "what would rumsfeld do?" so i stayed on the sidewalk. when he came up to me i wanted to show him that i have no problems with people of color so i said "hey" and offered him my spare change before he could even ask."”

Maddox

i love donald rumsfeld http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=af_racist
The Best Page in the Universe, April Fools

People , Color , Problem , Change

“When I say this game is hard, I mean hard like nipples-on-a-blind-lesbian-in-a-fish-market hard.”

Maddox

The Best Page in the Universe

Game , Fish

“Passing out while you try to kill yourself is like failing at failing.”

Maddox

How to kill yourself like a man. http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=manly_suicide
The Best Page in the Universe

“I hate the help screen, I hate the options, I hate the card graphics, I hate the default window size, everything. I HATE SOLITAIRE.”

Maddox

I hate Solitaire http://maddox.xmission.com/solitaire.html.
The Best Page in the Universe

Hate , Help

“I've only had one dream in my life with kids in it that didn't involve me gnawing my feet off, and it had to do with kids doing my laundry.”

Maddox

9 things I learned about the world according to anonymous stock photo models. http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=stock_photos
The Best Page in the Universe

Life , Dreams

“Note that the name of the show is 'Trippin' ' and not 'Tripping' because the addition of the letter 'g' would not be consistent with the views of MTV's urban youth demographic who tend to frown upon linguistic formalities such as proper enunciation. I mean, proper 'nunciation, yo!”

Maddox

The Best Page in the Universe

Youth

“There are pigs that can manipulate joysticks, yet you morons can't even send me an intelligible email.”

Maddox

Bullshit Fan Mail http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=ihatemail0.
The Best Page in the Universe

Intelligence

“If there were a building that stood for grammatical integrity, this email would be the plane that crashed into it.”

Maddox

Wireless internet may very well destroy our chances of contacting intelligent life http://maddox.xmission.com/aliens.html.
The Best Page in the Universe

“It's every man's dream to have a penis so large that he must hire a small boy to carry it.”

Maddox

Unintentionally sexual comic book covers http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=uscc_part1
The Best Page in the Universe

Dreams , Boy

“If people who look different don't necessarily think differently, which they don't, then aren't they essentially discriminating against them by "embracing" them as being "diverse"?”

Maddox

"Embrace diversity," and other bullshit phrases that don't mean anything. http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=embrace
The Best Page in the Universe

People , Thinking

“In an effort to salvage the money I wasted on this bullshit, I ate six cups of jello, one bag of corn nuts, a Soynut bar, and a bag of jelly beans for dinner. The only thing X-TREME about this experience was the X-TREME dump I took later that night:”

Maddox

Take your X-TREME marketing and shove it. http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=xtreme_bullshit
The Best Page in the Universe

Money , Effort , Night

“… the real reason ADD exists is because executives at pharmaceutical companies need to make their Lexus payments.”

Maddox

Attention Deficit Disorder is nothing that a solid kick in the ass can't cure. http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=add
The Best Page in the Universe