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Louis C.K. Quotes

Louis Székely , better known by his stage name Louis C.K. , is an American-Mexican stand-up comedian, writer, actor, and filmmaker. He is known for his use of observational, self-deprecating, dark, and shock humor. In 2012, C.K. won a Peabody Award and has received six Primetime Emmy Awards, as well as numerous awards for The Chris Rock Show, Louie, and his stand-up specials Live at the Beacon Theater and Oh My God . He has won the Grammy Award for Best Comedy Album twice. Rolling Stone ranked C.K.'s stand-up special Shameless number three on their "Divine Comedy: 25 Best Stand-Up Specials and Movies of All Time" list and ranked him fourth on its 2017 list of the 50 best stand-up comics of all time.C.K. began his career in the 1990s writing for comedians including David Letterman, Conan O'Brien, Dana Carvey, Chris Rock, and also for other comedy shows. Also in this period, he was directing surreal short films and went on to direct two features—Tomorrow Night and Pootie Tang .

In 2001, C.K. released his debut comedy album, Live in Houston directly through his website and became among the first performers to offer direct-to-fan sales of tickets to his stand-up shows, as well as DRM-free video concert downloads, via his website. He has released nine comedy albums, often directing and editing his specials as well.

He had supporting acting roles in the films The Invention of Lying , American Hustle, Blue Jasmine , and Trumbo . C.K. created, directed, executive produced, starred in, wrote, and was the primary editor of, Louie, an acclaimed semi-autobiographical comedy-drama series aired from 2010 to 2015 on FX. In 2016, C.K. created and starred in his self-funded web series Horace and Pete. He also co-created the shows Baskets and Better Things for FX and voiced the dog Max in the animated film The Secret Life of Pets in the same year. His 2017 film, I Love You, Daddy, was pulled from distribution prior to its scheduled release date after multiple women accused him of sexual misconduct to which he then admitted.

✵ 12. September 1967
Louis C.K. photo
Louis C.K.: 53   quotes 8   likes

Famous Louis C.K. Quotes

“The hardest regret to live with is what you’ve done to hurt someone else. And I can hardly wrap my head around the scope of hurt I brought on them.”

Louis C.K.

“People say ‘my phone sucks.’ No it doesn’t! The shittiest cellphone in the world is a miracle. Your life sucks. Around the phone.”

Louis C.K.

http://splitsider.com/2013/02/the-annotated-wisdom-of-louis-c-k/ (2011)

“Every day starts, my eyes open and I reload the program of misery. I open my eyes, remember who I am, what I'm like, and I just go, "Ugh" …"”

Louis C.K.

Louie – Season 1, Episode 3.
Louie

“If you do something and people think you’re stupid, just go for crazy. You get more respect that way because nobody likes stupid people.”

Louis C.K.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0894112/ (1996)

“Saying that something is too terrible to joke about is like saying that a disease is too terrible to try to cure it.”

Louis C.K.

Charlie Rose interview https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-LCdcdShdY, 2016

“I want to address the stories told to The New York Times by five women named Abby, Rebecca, Dana, Julia who felt able to name themselves and one who did not.”

Louis C.K.

Louis C.K. Quotes about people

“There’s a need to perfect things in a writers’ room, and that can take a lot of fun out of a show sometimes. It’s a struggle. It depends on your personality. Some people love working with a writing staff. I had a great writing staff on Lucky Louie, but it sometimes felt like Congress or something.”

Louis C.K.

http://actfourscreenplays.com/screenwriting-blog/writing-comedy-interview-with-louis-c-k/ (2010)

“Well, I think “likability” is an overused word. I don’t watch people ’cause I like them; I watch them because they’re compelling. Sympathetic is a little different … Likable just thins you out. Working to make a character likable is what kills most TV shows.”

Louis C.K.

http://www.vulture.com/2010/06/louis_ck_interview.html (2010)

“I’ve started to kind of hate people, and it’s not because I have anything against them. It’s just, I enjoy it. It’s recreation.”

Louis C.K.

[ http://splitsider.com/2013/02/the-annotated-wisdom-of-louis-c-k/

“It’s been a very old thing for people to gather together and laugh at stuff. The first comedian in America really was Abraham Lincoln … He used to go to a pub near where he lived and stand in front of the fire and he packed the place every night and he would just talk and bust everybody in their guts. He was just a hilarious speaker and that’s what he did.”

Louis C.K.

http://www.aintitcool.com/node/43834 (2010)

“I— finally, I have the body that I want, and that's a thing people really covet. It's a hard thing to achieve, and I did. And I'm going to tell you how to have exactly the body that you want. You just have to want a shitty body. That's all it is. You have to want your own shitty, ugly, disgusting body.”

Louis C.K.

Season 1, Episode 3.
Louie

“Credibility lasts about two cycles of bad material, and then you’ll probably never get it back. If you let people down, that’s really hard to come back from– harder than climbing from nothing to something, even.”

Louis C.K.

Pitchfork http://pitchfork.com/features/interviews/7926-louis-ck/

Louis C.K.: Trending quotes

“I did a show in New Jersey in the auditorium of a technical high school … Technical high school, that’s where dreams are narrowed down. We tell our children, “You can do anything you want.” Their whole lives. “You can do anything!” But this place, we take kids – they’re 15, they’re young – and we tell them, “You can do eight things. We got it down to eight for you.””

Louis C.K.

http://splitsider.com/2013/02/the-annotated-wisdom-of-louis-c-k/

Children , School , Dreams

“Sometimes I just want to tell a story regardless of whether it fits what the show is saying. I’ve been in a lot of writing rooms where somebody says an idea and everyone’s dying, like laughing so they’re delirious. It’s like a black hole in a good way, everything starts to fall into it, you know what I mean.
And then after a few minutes everybody calms down and somebody says yeah, we can’t do it that way, it doesn’t make any sense, because it hurts this thing and this. And then everyone gets a little—has a moment of silence for the idea and moves on, and something amazing was kept away from the public.”

Louis C.K.

Time http://entertainment.time.com/2011/06/22/louis-ck-interview-part-1-fatherhood-and-fear/#ixzz2LfKg3gu2 (2011)

Way , Idea , Sense , Silence

Louis C.K. Quotes

“That’s what being a parent is like. It’s like Platoon.”

Louis C.K.

http://entertainment.time.com/2011/06/22/louis-ck-interview-part-1-fatherhood-and-fear/#ixzz2LfKg3gu2

Parent

“I wish I could [keep a journal]. I have a lot of journals with one page half written in. I sometimes will write myself a quick email on my Blackberry when I think of something.”

Louis C.K.
Thinking

“I'd like to name my kid a whole phrase. You know, something like "Ladies and Gentlemen". That'll be a cool name for a kid. "This is my son, Ladies and Gentlemen!" Then, when he gets out of hand, I get to go, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please!"”

Louis C.K.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=4u2ZsoYWwJA

“To me, comedies are usually the least funny movies. Movies that are actually a comedy are usually not all that funny. To me Goodfellas and Raging Bull are two of the funniest movies I ever saw. [Vulture, 2010]
The Jackass movies are honestly some of the best movies I’ve ever seen. I laugh so hard at them. Those guys are geniuses. If they had grown up with a different group of people, they could’ve been performance artists at Bard College, and people would be writing papers about them.”

Louis C.K.

http://pitchfork.com/features/interviews/7926-louis-ck/ (2010)

People , Guy , Rage

“I remember the day I saw my hair was thinning. I don’t remember caring much. I don’t care. It’s just hair. It never bothered me much. I was pretty young, too. And it happened and is happening veeery slowly. I have a feeling dead people get really mad when we complain about losing hair.”

Louis C.K.

http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/tmlnp/louis_ck_reddit/

People , Feeling , Madness , Dead

“I don't have a gun, but if I did, I would shoot a baby deer in the mouth and feel nothing.”

Louis C.K.

Chewed Up

Feeling , Baby

“I have spent my long and lucky career talking and saying anything I want. I will now step back and take a long time to listen. Thank you for reading.”

Louis C.K.

Statement in response to allegations of sexual misconduct, "Louis C.K. Responds to Accusations: ‘These Stories Are True’" https://www.nytimes.com/2017/11/10/arts/television/louis-ck-statement.html, New York Times, Nov 10, 2017.

Time , Reading

“Divorce is always good news. I know that sounds weird, but it’s true because no good marriage has ever ended in divorce … That would be sad. If two people were married and they were really and they just had a great thing and then they got divorced, that would be really sad. But that has happened zero times.”

Louis C.K.

http://splitsider.com/2013/02/the-annotated-wisdom-of-louis-c-k/

Marriage , People , Sadness , Time

“There’s a huge amount of work that goes into placating a network in regular television. It’s literally 70% or 80% of your workload, is showing them the material, getting their notes and presenting it to them and making sure they weigh in. It’s a huge amount of work.”

Louis C.K.

http://actfourscreenplays.com/screenwriting-blog/writing-comedy-interview-with-louis-c-k/ (2010)

“I had to be the head of the household really for the first time and say okay, I have to actually make a rule that we’re going to live by here. And I decided what it was is that the family comes over the work always. I mean, with the kids it’s a priority. Because I wanted them to have a feeling like they could count on me like I was really there, I wasn’t just visiting. I didn’t want one of these moments like, “Jeez, honey, I’m sorry I’m not going to see you this week or this month or whatever because I’m going to LA.” I got some offers early that go out to LA and do parts on sitcoms and I said no, because it meant going and being away for a month.”

Louis C.K.

http://entertainment.time.com/2011/06/22/louis-ck-interview-part-1-fatherhood-and-fear/#ixzz2LfKg3gu2

Family , Feeling , Time , Parting

“All these words we use, anybody can be a genius now. It used to be you had to have a thought no one ever had before or you had to invent a number. Now, it’s like, “Hey, I’ve got a cup in case we need another cup.””

Louis C.K.

“Dude, you’re a genius!
http://splitsider.com/2013/02/the-annotated-wisdom-of-louis-c-k/

“Now we live in an amazing, amazing world and it’s wasted on the crappiest generation of spoiled idiots.”

Louis C.K.

Conan http://www.thatvideosite.com/v/94 (2006)

World

“My uncles were all funny. My dad wasn’t funny, but my uncles were all funny. Now I go back and I like him better than them, they were manipulative funny.”

Louis C.K.

http://aspecialthing.com/forum/f42/flashback-06-louis-c-k-interview-14987/

“Trump is not your best. He's the worst of all of us. He's a symptom to a problem that is very real. But don't vote for your own cancer. You're better than that.”

Louis C.K.

Email to fans quoted by Variety in Louis C.K. Compares Donald Trump to Hitler: ‘He’s an Insane Bigot’ http://variety.com/2016/tv/news/louis-c-k-donald-trump-insane-bigot-dangerous-1201723679/, March 5, 2016.

Problem

“Friends should always tell you the truth. But please don’t.”

Louis C.K.

http://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2013/01/louis-ck-proust-questionnaire

Truth

“I remember reading an article about Frasier when it was going off the air – a very sad obituary from a TV writer who said that Frasier was such a smart show, and it was for the Mensa set. And he gave an example, where he quoted some line about a woman that Frasier thinks is very mean and he says, “Her idea of tough love is the Spanish Inquisition.””

Louis C.K.

And they thought that was very smart—just because he mentioned something from history.
http://www.dead-frog.com/blog/entry/interview_louis_ck_creator_of_the_sitcom_lucky_louie/ (2006)

Love , Sadness , Quotes , History

“They charged me 15 dollars. That's how much it costs to only have 20 dollars.”

Louis C.K.

On being broke http://youtube.com/watch?v=rpaCQKJpE9k

“If you're older, you're smarter. I just believe that. If you're in an argument with someone older than you, you should listen to 'em … even if they're wrong, their wrongness is rooted in more information than you have.”

Louis C.K.

Oh My God

“Because we don't want the first bit of sad, we put it away with phone,*beep*, for the food, you get a little fell kind of. You're never feel completely sad or completely happy, just feel kind of satisfied with your product. And then you die.”

Louis C.K.

Conan show, Link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HbYScltf1c/

Sadness , Food , Feeling , Happiness

“Everything that’s difficult you should be able to laugh about.”

Louis C.K.

Vulture http://www.vulture.com/2010/06/louis_ck_interview.html

“Bill Gates has 90 billion dollars … If I had 90 billion dollars, I wouldn’t have it for long because I would just dream of all the crazy stuff I could do with it. This guy, 90 billion dollars. He could buy every baseball team and make them all wear dresses and still have 88 billion dollars.”

Louis C.K.

http://www.hulu.com/watch/233890

Dreams , Guy

“The earliest stand-up comedy I was aware of was Bill Cosby … I watched Saturday Night Live as soon as I was aware of it, and Monty Python used to be on PBS at weird hours, so I used to try to watch that. And I loved George Carlin on SNL, that was the first stand-up I ever really remember seeing on TV. And then Steve Martin. I guess I was in fifth or sixth grade when Steve Martin showed up, and he was instantly my idol. And Richard Pryor around the same time too, I sort of became aware of him, though I don’t remember the first time I saw him.”

Louis C.K.

http://aspecialthing.com/forum/f42/flashback-06-louis-c-k-interview-14987/ (2006)

Love , Time , Night

“Out of the people that ever were, almost all of them are dead. There are way more dead people, and you’re all gonna die and then you’re gonna be dead for way longer than you’re alive. Like that’s mostly what you’re ever gonna be. You’re just dead people that didn’t die yet.”

Louis C.K.

http://splitsider.com/2013/02/the-annotated-wisdom-of-louis-c-k/

People , Way , Dead

“I finally have the body I want. It's easy, actually, you just have to want a really shitty body.”

Louis C.K.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/tv-and-radio/2013/jan/19/louie-is-finally-coming-to-uk
Louie

“I think of boxing a lot with standup. I even train with boxing trainers”

Louis C.K.

Aint it Cool http://www.aintitcool.com/node/43834

Thinking , Training , Box

“I’d love to have a shitty job. I couldn’t hold any down. Standup was the only thing I could stick with. I’m an idiot that way.”

Louis C.K.

http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/tmlnp/louis_ck_reddit/

Love , Way

“A woman saying yes to a date with a man is literally insane and ill-advised, and the whole species' existence counts on them doing it. I don't know how they…how do women still go out with guys, when you consider the fact that there is no greater threat to women than men? We're the number one threat to women. Globally and historically, we're the number one cause of injury and mayhem to women. We're the worst thing that ever happens to them. That's true! You know what our number one threat is? Heart disease.”

Louis C.K.

Oh My God

Women , Men , Disease , Guy

“The last jobs I had were fixing cars and covering football games for a local access TV station. As in driving the mobile van to the field, setting up 3 cameras, teaching depressed grownups and interns how to use them and directing the game from the van and then wanting to kill myself.”

Louis C.K.

http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/n9tef/hi_im_louis_ck_and_this_is_a_thing/

Cars , Game , Football

“When girls go wild, they show their tits to people. When women go wild, they kill men and drown their kids in a tub.”

Louis C.K.

Chewed Up

Girl , People , Women , Men

“These stories are true. At the time, I said to myself that what I did was O. K. because I never showed a woman my dick without asking first, which is also true. But what I learned later in life, too late, is that when you have power over another person, asking them to look at your dick isn’t a question. It’s a predicament for them. The power I had over these women is that they admired me. And I wielded that power irresponsibly.”

Louis C.K.
Time , Question , Personality , Learning

“Please stop it with voting for Trump. It was funny for a little while. But the guy is Hitler. And by that I mean that we are being Germany in the 30s. Do you think they saw the shit coming? Hitler was just some hilarious and refreshing dude with a weird comb over.”

Louis C.K.
Guy , Thinking

“I can’t sit down and write jokes. I just flows in from some maddeningly elusive place. Believe me, if I had an Alaska in my brain, I would drill baby drill, and I’d cum right on Sarah’s back while I was there.”

Louis C.K.

http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/tmlnp/louis_ck_reddit/ (2012)

Baby

“Whenever single people complain about anything, I really want them to shut the fuck up. First of all, if you’re single, your life has no consequence on the earth. Even if you’re helping people aggressively, which you’re fucking not, nobody gives a shit what happens to you. You can die, and it actually doesn’t matter. It doesn’t. Your mother will cry or whatever, but otherwise, nobody gives a shit.”

Louis C.K.

http://splitsider.com/2013/02/the-annotated-wisdom-of-louis-c-k/

Help , Life , Cry , People

“I’m a vulgar, fucked-up degenerate comedian who did drugs. And I’m connecting with Christian mothers and fathers. I love that. That means so much to me.”

Louis C.K.

http://www.dead-frog.com/blog/entry/interview_louis_ck_creator_of_the_sitcom_lucky_louie/

Love , Making love

“The Greatest Generation gets too much credit. Those World War II guys, if they had all the shit we have today, they’d be assholes too. It’s just circumstantial. It’s what you’re called on to do that makes you great. We haven’t been called on to do anything but buy shit and get fat.”

Louis C.K.

http://www.vanityfair.com/online/daily/2009/03/louis-ck-starvation-can-be-character-building

World , War , Guy , Making love

“Drugs are so fucking good that they’ll ruin your life.”

Louis C.K.

Live at the Beacon Theater https://buy.louisck.net/purchase/live-at-the-beacon-theater

Life

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