Jerry Seinfeld: Doing

Jerry Seinfeld is American comedian and actor. Explore interesting quotes on doing.
Jerry Seinfeld: 104   quotes 8   likes

“Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.”

Jerry Seinfeld
Music , Dance

“Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.”

Jerry Seinfeld

I'm Telling You for the Last Time (1998)

Problem , Thinking

“Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? 'Sweetheart, let’s make up. Have this deceased squirrel.”

Jerry Seinfeld
People , Flowers

“I am so busy doing nothing… that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.”

Jerry Seinfeld
Idea , Business

“What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses like they're trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?”

Jerry Seinfeld
People , Books , Reading , Housing

“Women have two orgasms, the real ones and the ones they make up on their own. And I can give you the male point of view on this, which is: we're fine with it. You do whatever you have to do, and we'll do whatever we have to…. To a man, sex is like a car accident anyway, and trying to determine a female orgasm is like asking, "What did you see after the car went out of control?" "Well, there were a lot of screeching noises, I was facing the wrong way at one point, and in the end, my body was thrown clear."”

Jerry Seinfeld

I'm Telling You for the Last Time (1998)

Women , Sex , Cars , Way

“The luge is the only Olympic event where you could have people competing in it against their will, and it would look exactly the same. Take people off the street, "Hey, hey, hey, what is this?! I don't wanna be in the luge!" Once you put that helmet on them, "You're in the luge, buddy!" "aaaAAAaaaAAAaaaAAA… aaaAAAAA…" World record. Didn't even wanna do it. I'd like to see that next Olympics, the Involuntary Luge.”

Jerry Seinfeld

I'm Telling You for the Last Time (1998)

People , World

“Why is McDonald's still counting? How insecure is this company? 40 million, 80 billion million jillion killion tillion…who cares? Is anyone really impressed by that any more? "Ooh, 89 billion sold? All right, I'll have one! I'm satisfied!" I'd like to tell the CEO of McDonald's, "Look. We all get it, okay? You've sold a lot of hamburgers. Whatever the number is, just put up a sign, 'McDonald's: We're Doing Very Well.'”

Jerry Seinfeld

We are tired of hearing about every goddamn one of them."
I'm Telling You for the Last Time (1998)

“Do you know the first thing I said as a child, before I said "Mama" or "Dada"? I said "Leave me alone!"”

Jerry Seinfeld

(laughs) Is that not the mantra of stand-up comedy?
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee (2012 — Present), Season 3 (2014)