Jerry Seinfeld: Likeness

Jerry Seinfeld is American comedian and actor. Explore interesting quotes on likeness.

Jerry Seinfeld: 104 quotes8 likes

“A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.”

“What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses like they're trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?”

“Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it. It's too risky. Ya get a sense of it and then you look away.”

“Women have two orgasms, the real ones and the ones they make up on their own. And I can give you the male point of view on this, which is: we're fine with it. You do whatever you have to do, and we'll do whatever we have to…. To a man, sex is like a car accident anyway, and trying to determine a female orgasm is like asking, "What did you see after the car went out of control?" "Well, there were a lot of screeching noises, I was facing the wrong way at one point, and in the end, my body was thrown clear."”

I'm Telling You for the Last Time (1998)

“There is no more embarrassing thing in my life that the fact that I have actually uttered the phrase, "I would like to order the Ginsu Knife."”

I'm Telling You for the Last Time (1998)

“The luge is the only Olympic event where you could have people competing in it against their will, and it would look exactly the same. Take people off the street, "Hey, hey, hey, what is this?! I don't wanna be in the luge!" Once you put that helmet on them, "You're in the luge, buddy!" "aaaAAAaaaAAAaaaAAA… aaaAAAAA…" World record. Didn't even wanna do it. I'd like to see that next Olympics, the Involuntary Luge.”

I'm Telling You for the Last Time (1998)

“Why is McDonald's still counting? How insecure is this company? 40 million, 80 billion million jillion killion tillion…who cares? Is anyone really impressed by that any more? "Ooh, 89 billion sold? All right, I'll have one! I'm satisfied!" I'd like to tell the CEO of McDonald's, "Look. We all get it, okay? You've sold a lot of hamburgers. Whatever the number is, just put up a sign, 'McDonald's: We're Doing Very Well.'”

We are tired of hearing about every goddamn one of them."
I'm Telling You for the Last Time (1998)

“I like staying in hotels. I like their tiny soap. I like to pretend it's regular-sized and my muscles are huge.”

I'm Telling You for the Last Time (1998)