Brother Theodore Quotes

“If only the Earth would open and swallow you up.”

“I am squirming with delight to meet an intellectual colossus.”

“I never answer my telephone unless it rings.”

“I am what you might call a controversial figure: people either hate me or despise me.”

“All our great spiritual leaders are dead. Moses is dead, Muhammad is dead, Buddha is dead, the Reverend Jim Jones is dead, and I'm not feeling so hot myself!”

“My mumsie and my popsie both died years before I was born, and my sister and my uncle were identical twins, which is probably more than you can say for yourself.”

“I foretell the future. I predict the past. I don't need a crystal ball; a football, a tennis ball, a moth ball, any old ball will do. When the power is upon me, there is no holding me back, I just let loose and prophesy all over the place.”

“Lately, I've become quite involved in psychic vibrations. I vibrate whenever I get the chance.”

“Ladies and gentlemen, I resent this applause.”

“I find it hard to sit still in one spot, and impossible to sit still in two spots.”

“Years and years of marriage prepared me for years and years of divorce.”

“As long as there is death, there is hope. The only thing that keeps me alive is the hope of dying young.”

“My name, as you may have guessed, is Theodore. I come from a strange stock. The members of my family were mostly epileptics, vegetarians, stutterers, triplets, nailbiters. But we've always been happy.”