“[during a bit about dogs]
That's why they're man's best friend, 'cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they've already got men.”

“Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replay in sports. They've already forgotten what's happened.”

“Unless the person is aiming upward, there is nothing you can do about their situation. And this seems to be about that initial choice between good and evil. Once someone comes to therapy, they've already done something. They've already said: I have a problem, conceivably I can fix it, and I need to do something about it. And so half the work is already done before they show up, because they've already said that 'things aren't as good as they could be, and I want to do something about it.' The question is, can you do anything about that person who is not at that state? You can't. All you can do is serve by example. But until the person has decided, on their own, that they're wrong (that's why they're suffering – there's something wrong about what they are doing) and that they want to fix it… I think that hammering against their situation often makes it worse. That's part of free will. I do not think that people can learn unless they admit that they're wrong.”

“There are men who are possessed by an urge so strong to do some particular thing that they can't help themselves, they've got to do it. They're prepared to sacrifice everything to satisfy their yearning.”

“If women want rights more than they got, why don't they just take them, and not be talking about it.”

“When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.”

“Why do magazines do this to women? It's
all about creating insecurity. Trying to make women feel like they're not good enough. And when women don't feel like they're good enough, guess what? Men win. That's how they keep us down.”

“Why are women… so much more interesting to men than men are to women?”

“Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.”

“Who's your daddy? Who's your baby?
Who's your buddy? Who's your friend?
And who's the one guy that you come runnin' to
When your lovelife starts tumblin'?I got the money if you got the honey
Let's cut a deal, let's make a plan
Who's your daddy? Who's your baby?
Who's your buddy? Who's your man?”