“If a lady dislike a man with a beard, eavesdropping men will react by shaving off their beards. This, however, will result in them resembling women.”

“A man with a beard was always a little suspect anyway. You couldn't say you wore a beard because you liked a beard. People didn't like you for telling the truth. You had to say you had a scar so you couldn't shave.”

“And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!”

“Rosie get off your desk, and please put your beard away.”

“There was an Old Man with a beard,
Who said, "It is just as I feared!—
Two Owls and a Hen,
Four Larks and a Wren,
Have all built their nests in my beard!"”

“But woe awaits a country when
She sees the tears of bearded men.”

“His mind is concrete and fastidious,
His nose is remarkably big;
His visage is more or less hideous,
His beard it resembles a wig.”

“Beatrice: He that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than a man; and he that is more than a youth is not for me; and he that is less than a man, I am not for him.”

“And no bathroom on earth will make up for marrying a bearded man you hate.”

“Generally, women can't do this, but men retain the ancient ability to leave a family and a past. They just unhook themselves, like removing a fake beard, and skulk discreetly back into society, changed men. Unrecognizable.”