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Terry Pratchett Quotes
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Sir Terence David John Pratchett was an English humorist, satirist, and author of fantasy novels, especially comical works. He is best known for his Discworld series of 41 novels.

Pratchett's first novel, The Carpet People, was published in 1971. The first Discworld novel, The Colour of Magic, was published in 1983, after which Pratchett wrote an average of two books a year. His 2011 Discworld novel Snuff became the third-fastest-selling hardback adult-readership novel since records began in the UK, selling 55,000 copies in the first three days. The final Discworld novel, The Shepherd's Crown, was published in August 2015, five months after his death.

Pratchett, with more than 85 million books sold worldwide in 37 languages, was the UK's best-selling author of the 1990s. He was appointed Officer of the Order of the British Empire in 1998 and was knighted for services to literature in the 2009 New Year Honours. In 2001 he won the annual Carnegie Medal for The Amazing Maurice and his Educated Rodents, the first Discworld book marketed for children. He received the World Fantasy Award for Life Achievement in 2010.In December 2007, Pratchett announced that he had been diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's disease. He later made a substantial public donation to the Alzheimer's Research Trust , filmed a television programme chronicling his experiences with the condition for the BBC, and became a patron for Alzheimer's Research UK. Pratchett died on 12 March 2015, aged 66. Wikipedia  

✵ 28. April 1948 – 12. March 2015  •  Other names Sir Terry Pratchett
Terry Pratchett photo
Terry Pratchett: 796 quotes906 likes

Terry Pratchett Quotes

“I staggered into a Manchester bar late one night on a tour and the waitress said "You look as if you need a Screaming Orgasm". At the time this was the last thing on my mind…”

Terry Pratchett

Usenet

“He felt that the darkness was full of unimaginable horrors - and the trouble with unimaginable horrors was that they were only too easy to imagine…”

Terry Pratchett book The Light Fantastic

Source: The Light Fantastic

“… people didn't seem to be able to remember what it was like with the elves around. Life was certainly more interesting then, but usually because it was shorter. And it was more colorful, if you liked the color of blood.”

Terry Pratchett book Lords and Ladies

Source: Lords and Ladies

“And, as always happens, and happens far too soon, the strange and wonderful becomes a memory and a memory becomes a dream. Tomorrow it's gone.”

Terry Pratchett book Wintersmith

Source: Wintersmith

“You just put that sword away, sir, please," said the voice of Lance-Constable Vimes.
"You will not shoot me, you young idiot. That would be murder," said the captain calmly.
"Not where I'm aiming, sir.”

Terry Pratchett book Night Watch

Source: Night Watch

“Students, eh? Love 'em or hate 'em, you can't hit them with a shovel!”

Terry Pratchett book Making Money

Source: Making Money

“Mind you, the Elizabethans had so many words for the female genitals that it is quite hard to speak a sentence of modern English without inadvertently mentioning at least three of them.”

Terry Pratchett

Usenet

“Modesty is only arrogance by stealth.”

Terry Pratchett The Long Earth

Source: The Long Earth

“Everywhere's been where it is ever since it was first put there. It's called geography.”

Terry Pratchett book Wyrd Sisters

Source: Wyrd Sisters

“… William wondered why he always disliked people who said 'no offense meant.' Maybe it was because they found it easier to to say 'no offense meant' than actually to refrain from giving offense.”

Terry Pratchett book The Truth

Source: The Truth

“One day a tortoise will learn how to fly.”

Terry Pratchett book Small Gods

Source: Small Gods

“Most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally evil, but by people being fundamentally people.”

Terry Pratchett

“It was the living who ignored the strange and wonderful, because life was too full of the boring and mundane.”

Terry Pratchett book Reaper Man

Source: Reaper Man

“The Kraken stirs. And ten billion sushi dinners cry out for vengeance.”

Terry Pratchett

Source: Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch

“Verence would rather cut his own leg off than put a witch in prison, since it'd save trouble in the long run and probably be less painful.”

Terry Pratchett book Lords and Ladies

Source: Lords and Ladies

“Two types of people laugh at the law: those that break it and those that make it.”

Terry Pratchett book Night Watch

Source: Night Watch

“Someone out there was about to find that their worst nightmare was a maddened Librarian. With a badge.”

Terry Pratchett book Guards! Guards!

Source: Guards! Guards!

“His movements could be called cat-like, except that he did not stop to spray urine up against things.”

Terry Pratchett book Night Watch

Source: Night Watch

“Peace?' said Vetinari. 'Ah, yes, defined as period of time to allow for preparation for the next war.”

Terry Pratchett book Unseen Academicals

Source: Unseen Academicals

“Colon thought Carrot was simple. Carrot often struck people as simple. And he was.
Where people went wrong was thinking that simple meant the same thing as stupid.”

Terry Pratchett book Men at Arms

Source: Men at Arms

“I don't want unnecessary violence, sergeant," said Blouse.
"Right you are, sir!" said the sergeant. "Carborundum! First man comes through that door runnin', I want him nailed to the wall!" He caught the lieutenant's eye, and added: "But not too hard!”

Terry Pratchett book Monstrous Regiment

Source: Monstrous Regiment

“This wasn't food - it was what food became if it had been good and gone to food heaven.”

Terry Pratchett book The Wee Free Men

Source: The Wee Free Men

“People who are rather more than six feet tall and nearly as broad across the shoulders often have uneventful journeys. People jump out at them from behind rocks then say things like, "Oh. Sorry. I thought you were someone else.”

Terry Pratchett book Guards! Guards!

Source: Guards! Guards!

“When she spoke again it was in the thin, careful and above all brave voice of someone who has pulled themselves together despite overwhelming odds but might let go again at any moment.”

Terry Pratchett book Mort

Source: Mort

“Writing is the most fun you can have by yourself.”

Terry Pratchett

“If you do not know where you come from, then you don't know where you are, and if you don't know where you are, then you don't know where you're going. And if you don't know where you're going, you're probably going wrong.”

Terry Pratchett book I Shall Wear Midnight

Source: I Shall Wear Midnight

“OH, THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING IN THE STOCKING THAT MAKES A NOISE, said Death. OTHERWISE, WHAT IS 4:30 A. M. FOR?”

Terry Pratchett book Hogfather

Source: Hogfather

“Unseen University had never admitted women, muttering something about problems with the plumbing, but the real reason was an unspoken dread that if women were allowed to mess around with magic they would probably be embarrassingly good at it…”

Terry Pratchett book The Light Fantastic

Source: The Light Fantastic

“If you don't know when to be a human being, you don't know when to be a witch.”

Terry Pratchett book A Hat Full of Sky

Source: A Hat Full of Sky

“There’s no point in believing in things that exist.”

Terry Pratchett book Small Gods

Source: Small Gods

“I’ve seen excitement, and I’ve seen boredom. And boredom was best.”

Terry Pratchett

Source: The Color of Magic

“Granny sighed. "You have learned something," she said, and thought it safe to insert a touch of sternness into her voice. "They say a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but it is not one half so bad as a lot of ignorance.”

Terry Pratchett book Equal Rites

Source: Equal Rites

“I know that I am a small, weak man, but I have amassed a large library; I dream of dangerous places.”

Terry Pratchett book Snuff

Source: Snuff

“She was convinced that she was anorexic, because every time she looked in the mirror she did indeed see a fat person.”

Terry Pratchett

Source: Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch

“… the food was good solid stuff for a cold morning, all calories and fat and protein and maybe a vitamin crying softly because it was all alone.”

Terry Pratchett book Guards! Guards!

Source: Guards! Guards!

“Witches were a bit like cats. They didn’t much like one another’s company, but they did like to know where all the other witches were, just in case they needed them.”

Terry Pratchett book A Hat Full of Sky

Source: A Hat Full of Sky

“That's one form of magic, of course."
"What, just knowing things?"
"Knowing things that other people don't know.”

Terry Pratchett book Equal Rites

Source: Equal Rites

“Ah," said Mr Pin. "Right. I remember. You are concerned citizens." He knew about concerned citizens. Wherever they were, they all spoke the same private language, where 'traditional values' meant 'hang someone'.”

Terry Pratchett book The Truth

Source: The Truth

“And what had he wanted? He'd never sat down to think about it. But mostly, he wanted yesterday to be different from today.”

Terry Pratchett book Making Money

Source: Making Money

“The shortest unit of time in the multiverse is the New York Second, defined as the period of time between the traffic lights turning green and the cab behind you honking.”

Terry Pratchett book Lords and Ladies

Source: Lords and Ladies

“Never cross a woman with a star on a stick, young lady. They've got a mean streak.”

Terry Pratchett book The Wee Free Men

Source: The Wee Free Men

“You had to hand it to the Patrician, he admitted grudgingly. If you didn't, he sent men to come and take it away.”

Terry Pratchett book Guards! Guards!

Source: Guards! Guards!

“It's not lying when you do it to officers!”

Terry Pratchett book Monstrous Regiment

Source: Monstrous Regiment