1. Quotes
  2. Authors
  3. Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett Quotes
page 13

Sir Terence David John Pratchett was an English humorist, satirist, and author of fantasy novels, especially comical works. He is best known for his Discworld series of 41 novels.

Pratchett's first novel, The Carpet People, was published in 1971. The first Discworld novel, The Colour of Magic, was published in 1983, after which Pratchett wrote an average of two books a year. His 2011 Discworld novel Snuff became the third-fastest-selling hardback adult-readership novel since records began in the UK, selling 55,000 copies in the first three days. The final Discworld novel, The Shepherd's Crown, was published in August 2015, five months after his death.

Pratchett, with more than 85 million books sold worldwide in 37 languages, was the UK's best-selling author of the 1990s. He was appointed Officer of the Order of the British Empire in 1998 and was knighted for services to literature in the 2009 New Year Honours. In 2001 he won the annual Carnegie Medal for The Amazing Maurice and his Educated Rodents, the first Discworld book marketed for children. He received the World Fantasy Award for Life Achievement in 2010.In December 2007, Pratchett announced that he had been diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's disease. He later made a substantial public donation to the Alzheimer's Research Trust , filmed a television programme chronicling his experiences with the condition for the BBC, and became a patron for Alzheimer's Research UK. Pratchett died on 12 March 2015, aged 66. Wikipedia  

✵ 28. April 1948 – 12. March 2015  •  Other names Sir Terry Pratchett
Terry Pratchett photo
Terry Pratchett: 796 quotes906 likes

Terry Pratchett Quotes

“Not for the first time she reflected that there were many drawbacks to being a swordswoman, not least of which was that men didn't take you seriously until you'd actually killed them, by which time it didn't really matter anyway.”

Terry Pratchett book The Light Fantastic

Source: The Light Fantastic

“No clowns were funny. That was the whole purpose of a clown. People laughed at clowns, but only out of nervousness. The point of clowns was that, after watching them, anything else that happened seemed enjoyable.”

Terry Pratchett book Men at Arms

Source: Men at Arms

“He's probably their battle poet, too."
"You mean he makes up heroic songs about famous battles?"
"No, no. He recites poems that frighten the enemy…. When a well-trained gonnagle starts to recite, the enemy's ears explode.”

Terry Pratchett book The Wee Free Men

Source: The Wee Free Men

“The second mouse gets the cheese!”

Terry Pratchett

Source: The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents

“Voodoo is a very interesting religion for the whole family, even those members of it who are dead.”

Terry Pratchett

Source: Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch

“Pride is all very well, but a sausage is a sausage.”

Terry Pratchett book Men at Arms

Source: Men at Arms

“Everything looks interesting until you do it. Then you find it's just another job.”

Terry Pratchett book Moving Pictures

Source: Moving Pictures

“You couldn't say 'I had orders.' You couldn't say 'It's not fair.' No one was listening. There were no Words. You owned yourself. […] Not 'Thou Shalt Not'. Say 'I Will Not'.”

Terry Pratchett book Feet of Clay

Source: Feet of Clay

“He had the kind of real deep tan that rich people spent ages trying to achieve with expensive holidays and bits of tinfoil, when really all you need to do to obtain one is work your arse off in the open air everyday.”

Terry Pratchett book Equal Rites

Source: Equal Rites

“Nothing has to be true forever. Just for long enough.”

Terry Pratchett book The Truth

Source: The Truth

“… a metaphor… is like lying but more decorative.”

Terry Pratchett book Guards! Guards!

Source: Guards! Guards!

“If you were going to be successful in the world of crime, you needed a reputation for honesty.”

Terry Pratchett book Feet of Clay

Source: Feet of Clay

“It struck Mort with sudden, terrible poignancy that Death must be the loneliest creature in the universe. In the great party of Creation, he was always in the kitchen.”

Terry Pratchett book Mort

Source: Mort

“The Auditors fluttered anxiously. And, as always happens in their species when something goes radically wrong and needs fixing instantly, they settled down to try to work how who was to blame.”

Terry Pratchett book Hogfather

Source: Hogfather

“Cake is not the issue here.”

Terry Pratchett book The Last Continent

Source: The Last Continent

“Light died in the west. Night and tears took the Nation. The star of Water drifted among the clouds like a murderer softly leaving the scene of the crime.”

Terry Pratchett book Nation

Source: Nation

“The trouble with witches is that they’ll never run away from things they really hate.

And the trouble with small furry animals in a corner is that, just occasionally, one of them’s a mongoose.”

Terry Pratchett book Witches Abroad

Source: Witches Abroad

“Pollution removed his helmet and shook out his long white hair. He had taken over when Pestilence, muttering about penicillin, had retired in 1936.”

Terry Pratchett book Good Omens

Source: Good Omens

“They shed a rather unpleasant glow that didn't so much illuminate, asthe darkness.”

Terry Pratchett

Source: The Color of Magic

“People whose wishes get granted often don't turn out to be very nice people.”

Terry Pratchett book Witches Abroad

Source: Witches Abroad

“They suffered from the terrible delusion that something could be done. They seemed prepared to make the world the way they wanted it or die in the attempt, and the trouble with dying in the attempt was that you died in the attempt.”

Terry Pratchett book Sourcery

Source: Sourcery

“That's what I don't like about magic. It does everything by magic.”

Terry Pratchett Thud!

Source: Thud!

“Dedication: My thanks to the people who showed me that opera was stranger than I could imagine. I can best repay their kindness by not mentioning their names here.”

Terry Pratchett book Maskerade

Source: Maskerade

“I think it's IMPOSSIBLE for anyone famous to come from here, because everyone around here is insane.”

Terry Pratchett book Johnny and the Dead

Source: Johnny and the Dead

“Don't try the paranormal until you know what's normal.”

Terry Pratchett book Lords and Ladies

Source: Lords and Ladies

“This is Morbidia," said Vlad. "Although she's been calling herself Tracy lately, to be cool.”

Terry Pratchett book Carpe Jugulum

Source: Carpe Jugulum

“NAUGHTY AND NICE? said Death. BUT IT'S EASY TO BE NICE IF YOU'RE RICH. IS THIS FAIR?
Albert wanted to argue. He wanted to say, Really? In that case, how come so many of the rich buggers is bastards? And being poor don't mean being naughty, neither.”

Terry Pratchett book Hogfather

Source: Hogfather

“His mind worked fast, flying in emergency supplies of common sense, as human minds do, to construct a huge anchor in sanity and prove that what happened hadn't really happened and, if it had happened, hadn't happened much.”

Terry Pratchett Thud!

Source: Thud!

“Now," snapped the Dean, "we've searchedfor a decent library on this island. There simply isn't one! It's ridiculous. How is anyone supposed to get anything done?”

Terry Pratchett book The Last Continent

Source: The Last Continent

“The universe, they say, depended for its operation on the balance of four forces which they identified as charm, persuasion, uncertainty, and bloody-mindedness.”

Terry Pratchett book The Light Fantastic

Source: The Light Fantastic

“Creators aren't gods. They make places, which is quite hard. It's men that make gods. This explains a lot.”

Terry Pratchett book The Last Continent

Source: The Last Continent

“Romancin’ is verra important, ye ken. Basically it’s a way the boy can get close to the girl wi’oot her attackin’ him and scratchin’ his eyes oot.”

Terry Pratchett book Wintersmith

Source: Wintersmith

“So much paperwork to read! So much paperwork to push away! So much paperwork to pretend he hadn't received and that might have been eaten by gargoyles.”

Terry Pratchett book Snuff

Source: Snuff

“They may have been ugly. They may have been evil. But when it came to poetry in motion, the Things had all the grace and coordination of a deck-chair.”

Terry Pratchett book Equal Rites

Source: Equal Rites

“Look, sir, I know Angua. She's not the useless type. She doesn't stand there and scream helplessly. She makes other people do that.”

Terry Pratchett book Jingo

Source: Jingo

“Fate can be one mean god at times.”

Terry Pratchett

Source: The Color of Magic

“All he knew was that you couldn't hope to try for the big stuff, like world peace and happiness, but you might just about be able to achieve some tiny deed that'd make the world, in a small way, a better place. Like shooting someone.”

Terry Pratchett book The Fifth Elephant

Source: The Fifth Elephant

“He helped the Librarian up. There was a red glow in the ape's eyes. It had tried to steal his books. This was probably the best proof any wizard could require that the trolleys were brainless.”

Terry Pratchett book Reaper Man

Source: Reaper Man

“It was a nice day.”

Terry Pratchett

Source: Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch

“Whole new theories of money were growing here like mushrooms: in the dark and based on bullshit.”

Terry Pratchett book Making Money

Source: Making Money

“Quick, someone's coming! Look real!”

Terry Pratchett book The Wee Free Men

Source: The Wee Free Men

“There was no universe, anywhere, where a Sam Vimes would give in on this, because if he did then he wouldn't be Sam Vimes anymore.”

Terry Pratchett book Night Watch

Source: Night Watch

“Everything is a test.”

Terry Pratchett book I Shall Wear Midnight

Source: I Shall Wear Midnight

“The key to winning, as always, was looking as if you had every right, nay, duty to be where you were. It helped if you could also suggest in every line of your body that no one else had any rights to be doing anything, anywhere, whatsoever.”

Terry Pratchett book Night Watch

Source: Night Watch

“Tiffany thought of the little spot in the woods where Granny Weatherwax lay. Remembered.

And knew that You had been right. Granny Weatherwax was indeed here. And there. She was, in fact, and always would be, everywhere.”

Terry Pratchett book The Shepherd's Crown

Source: The Shepherd's Crown

“Moist was sure doctors keep skeletons around to cow patients. Nyer, nyer, we know what you look underneath…”

Terry Pratchett book Going Postal

Source: Going Postal

“Assassins did have a certain code, after all. It was dishonorable to kill someone if you weren't being paid.”

Terry Pratchett book Men at Arms

Source: Men at Arms

“Now he knew: They were real. Who’d make up a thing like this? Okay, one of them was a cheese that rolled around of its own accord, but nobody was perfect.”

Terry Pratchett book Wintersmith

Source: Wintersmith