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Sam Kinison Quotes

Samuel Burl Kinison was an American stand-up comedian and actor. A former Pentecostal preacher, he performed stand-up routines that were characterized by an intense style, similar to charismatic preachers, and punctuated by his distinct scream. Wikipedia  

✵ 8. December 1953 – 10. April 1992
Sam Kinison photo
Sam Kinison: 9 quotes1 like

Famous Sam Kinison Quotes

“[On the Gulf War] The ground war lasted 100 hours. A hundred fuckin' hours. I've had parties go on longer than that, folks!”

Sam Kinison

Live from Hell (1993)

“[On Iraq] These have got to be the most stupid people on the planet. "Hey, I've got a great idea! Let's have a war with the number one military power on the planet!" But we did have to face… their weapon of death. The Scud missile. If K-Mart were a weapon's dealer, they would make: the Scud missile. But it's kind of like a smart bomb. You just fire it out of the trunk of your car… and then turn on CNN to see where it landed! So it's kind of like a smart bomb!”

Sam Kinison

Live from Hell (1993)

“Jesus' Wife: "And where have YOU been for the past three days, Mr. Winemaker?"
Jesus Christ: "It's okay, I'll tell you… Not that's important or anything, but I was DEAD!!! I'M IN A FUCKIN' GRAVE OUTSIDE OF TOWN! I'M FIGHTIN' DEATH, HELL, DECOMPOSURE! I'M CHANGIN' SPIRITUAL FORM, ABOUT TO ENTER THE KINGDOM OF GOD, AND I GO "WAIT A SECOND! I GOTTA GO BACK BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHERE I'VE BEEN!"”

Sam Kinison

the argument Jesus Christ has with his wife following his return home after the Resurrection, Louder than Hell.

“Today we're going to try and say his name…OH! OHHH! Can you even say a part of his name--OH! OHHH!”

Sam Kinison

Louder Than Hell (1986)

“They beat us, they beat us, they made us do their BLOW!”

Sam Kinison

A captive in a "Drug War" POW camp, Leader of the Banned.

“Lick the alphabet. It makes you appear creative, it's an easy diagram to remember, it's like "aaaaa…. beeeee…. ceeee." She's thinking you're from fuckin' Europe or somethin: "OH GOD, WHERE'D YOU LEARN THAT, OHHH," and you're going "A, B, C, D, E, F, G".”

Sam Kinison

HBO Special (1985)

“There's always 30 or 40 Christians standing around, saying, "It's a shame that he has to die." And Jesus is saying, "Well, maybe I wouldn't have to if somebody would get a ladder and pair of pliers!!"”

Sam Kinison

HBO Special (1985)

“YOU LYING WHORE!!! You used me! You never loved me! I hope you slide under a gas truck and taste your own blood! DIE! DIE! DIE! I want my records back! I want my fucking records back!”

Sam Kinison

Louder Than Hell (1986)

“I was MARRIED for TWO FUCKING YEARS! Hell would be like Club Med!”

Sam Kinison

HBO Special (1985)

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