“[On Iraq] These have got to be the most stupid people on the planet. "Hey, I've got a great idea! Let's have a war with the number one military power on the planet!" But we did have to face… their weapon of death. The Scud missile. If K-Mart were a weapon's dealer, they would make: the Scud missile. But it's kind of like a smart bomb. You just fire it out of the trunk of your car… and then turn on CNN to see where it landed! So it's kind of like a smart bomb!”Sam Kinison Live from Hell (1993)
“Lick the alphabet. It makes you appear creative, it's an easy diagram to remember, it's like "aaaaa…. beeeee…. ceeee." She's thinking you're from fuckin' Europe or somethin: "OH GOD, WHERE'D YOU LEARN THAT, OHHH," and you're going "A, B, C, D, E, F, G".”Sam Kinison HBO Special (1985)