P. J. O'Rourke: Trending quotes

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P. J. O'Rourke: 370   quotes 20   likes

“Being gloomy is easier than being cheerful. Anybody can say "I've got cancer" and get a rise out of a crowd. But how many of us can do five minutes of good stand-up comedy?”

P. J. O'Rourke

All the Trouble in the World (1994)

“One nice thing about the Third World, you don't have to fasten your seat belt. (Or stop smoking. Or cut down on saturated fats.) It takes a lot off your mind when average life expectancy is forty-five minutes.”

P. J. O'Rourke book Holidays in Hell

Holidays in Hell (1989)

Life , World

“The larger the German body, the smaller the German bathing suit and the louder the German voice issuing German demands and German orders to everybody who doesn't speak German. For this, and several other reasons, Germany is known as 'the land where Israelis learned their manners.”

P. J. O'Rourke book Holidays in Hell

Holidays in Hell (1989)

Learning

“At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.”

P. J. O'Rourke book Give War a Chance

Give War a Chance (1992)

Children

“You can't get good Chinese takeout in China and Cuban cigars are rationed in Cuba. That's all you need to know about communism.”

P. J. O'Rourke book Give War a Chance

Give War a Chance (1992)

Communication

“In Western Australia they don't even know how to make that vital piece of sailing-boat equipment, the gin and tonic.”

P. J. O'Rourke book Holidays in Hell

Holidays in Hell (1989)

“The collegiate idealists who fill the ranks of the environmental movement seem willing to do absolutely anything to save the biosphere, except take science courses and learn something about it.”

P. J. O'Rourke book Parliament of Whores

Source: Parliament of Whores (1991), p. 198

Learning , Science

“Incidentally, there's a balanced position that all of America's presidential candidates could take on the controversial abortion issue. If they want votes they shouldn't campaign to make abortion illegal or legal. They should campaign to make it retroactive. If a kid reaches 25 and he or she is still jobless, feckless, and sitting around Starbucks acting like a — no offense — European, then whack.”

P. J. O'Rourke

"Letter to Our European Friends" (4 February 2008)

“Advocating the expansion of the powers of the state is treason to mankind, goddamnit!”

P. J. O'Rourke

All the Trouble in the World (1994)

“Cockfighting has always been my idea of a great sport— two armed entrées battling to see who'll be dinner.”

P. J. O'Rourke book Holidays in Hell

Holidays in Hell (1989)

Idea , Sport

“I'm a registered Republican and consider socialism a violation of the American principle that you shouldn't stick your nose in other people's business except to make a buck.”

P. J. O'Rourke book Republican Party Reptile

Republican Party Reptile (1987)

People , Business

“In a society where commonweal does not exist, there are no duties, only exactations to be avoided, and no freedoms, only privileges to be grabbed. There can be no such thing as "public services" because nothing in the country is truly public. Everything is somebody's fief. And every fief must be exploited if the exploiter cares to survive.”

P. J. O'Rourke

All the Trouble in the World (1994)

Freedom , Country

“Anyone who thinks he has a better idea of what's good for people than people do is a swine.”

P. J. O'Rourke

All the Trouble in the World (1994)

People , Idea , Thinking , Swine

“Something is happening to America, not something dangerous but something all too safe. I see it in my lifelong friends. I am a child of the "baby boom," a generation not known for its sane or cautious approach to things. Yet suddenly my peers are giving up drinking, giving up smoking, cutting down on coffee, sugar, and salt. They will not eat red meat and go now to restaurants whose menus have caused me to stand on a chair yelling, "Flopsy, Mopsy, Cottontail, dinner is served!" This from the generation of LSD, Weather Underground, and Altamont Rock Festival! And all in the name of safety! Our nation has withstood many divisions—North and South, black and white, labor and management—but I do not know if the country can survive division into smoking and non-smoking sections.”

P. J. O'Rourke book Republican Party Reptile

Republican Party Reptile (1987)

Coffee , Drink , Baby , Weather

“The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't know.”

P. J. O'Rourke book Holidays in Hell

Holidays in Hell (1989)

Coffee , Drink

“Foreigners may pretend otherwise, but if English is spoken loudly enough, anyone can understand it, the British included. Actually, there’s no such thing as a foreign language. The world is just filled with people who grunt and squeak instead of speaking sensibly. French may be an exception. But since it’s impossible to figure out what French people are saying, we’ll never know for sure.”

P. J. O'Rourke

Modern Manners (1983)

People , World , Understanding

“A woman should dress to attract attention. To attract the most attention, a woman should either be nude or wearing something as expensive as getting her nude is going to be.”

P. J. O'Rourke

Modern Manners (1983)

“Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes.”

P. J. O'Rourke

All the Trouble in the World (1994)

Mother's Day , For Parents , For Mother , Moms

“One of the annoying things about believing in free will and individual responsibility is the difficulty of finding somebody to blame your problems on.”

P. J. O'Rourke

Rolling Stone (30 November 1989) https://books.google.com/books?id=4cl5c4T9LWkC&pg=PA347&lpg=PA347&dq=%22the+annoying+things+about+believing+in+free+will+and+individual+responsibility%22&source=bl&ots=87tHwdgxHT&sig=t-cX3HtpzKcKAd5GztMu4YkLLgM&hl=en&ei=Jl7OSvzgFpCMtgemntGEBA&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=7&ved=0CBwQ6AEwBg#v=onepage&q=%22the%20annoying%20things%20about%20believing%20in%20free%20will%20and%20individual%20responsibility%22&f=false
Context: One of the annoying things about believing in free will and individual responsibility is the difficulty of finding somebody to blame your problems on. And when you do find somebody, it's remarkable how often his picture turns up on your driver's license.

Problem

“Killing innocent people by surprise is not called 'a thousand points of light.' But, as frightening as terrorism is, it's the weapon of losers. The minute somebody sets off a suicide bomb, you can be sure that person doesn't have 'career prospects.' And no matter how horrendous a terrorist attack is, it's still conducted by losers.”

P. J. O'Rourke

"Putting Words in the President's Mouth" (12 October 2004)
Context: Saddam Hussein was reduced to the Unabomber — Ted Kaczynski — a nutcase hiding in the sticks. Sure, the terrorism by his supporters is frightening. Hence, its name, 'terrorism.' Killing innocent people by surprise is not called 'a thousand points of light.' But, as frightening as terrorism is, it's the weapon of losers. The minute somebody sets off a suicide bomb, you can be sure that person doesn't have 'career prospects.' And no matter how horrendous a terrorist attack is, it's still conducted by losers. Winners don't need to hijack airplanes. Winners have an Air Force.

People , Suicide , Light , Personality