Mel Brooks Quotes

“Man In Front of Castle: Hey Abbot!”

“Excuse me, is this England?”

“Dr. Frankenstein:: Igor, would you give me a hand with the bags?
Igor:: [doing a Groucho Marx] Certainly, you take the blonde and I'll take the one in the turban.”

“Everything we do in life is based on fear, especially love.”

“Humor is just another defense against the
universe.”

“I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bullshit.”

“To me, tragedy is if I'll cut my finger, that's tragedy…Comedy is if you walk into an open sewer and die.”

“The only thing we don't have a god for is premature ejaculation… but I hear that it's coming quickly.”

“If you're quiet, you're not living. You've got to be noisy and colorful and lively.”

“I have always been a huge admirer of my own work. I'm one of the funniest and most entertaining writers I know.”

“Every human being has hundreds of separate people living under his skin. The talent of a writer is his ability to give them their separate names, identities, personalities and have them relate to other characters living with him.”

“If they [presidents] can't do it to their wives, they do it to their country.”

“My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.”

“Sheriff of Rotingham King illegal forest to pig wild kill in it a is!”

“Max Bialystock: I'm wearing a cardboard belt!”

“Lady, it rose below vulgarity.”

“Robin Hood: Watch my back!
Achoo: Yo' back just got punched twice.”

“Robin Hood: Because unlike some other Robin Hoods, I can speak with a English accent.”

“Who's the dummy writing this show?!”

“President Skroob: What the hell, it works on Star Trek!”

“Other Street Merchant:Nothing, I have absolutely nothing for sale!”

“LSD as Adolf Hitler: Heil Baby!”

“Revolutionary Leader: And now, let us end this meeting on a high note. [Proceeds to sing a sharp high note, followed by the rest of the revolutionaries. ]”

“No! You don't wear a hat on your gentles! You wear a hat on your head where you're supposed to wear a hat!”

“Little John: Let's face it — you've got to be a man to wear tights!”

“Sheriff Bart [waking up a drunk Jim in jail]: Are we awake?
Jim "The Waco Kid": We don't know. Are we black?
Sheriff Bart: Yes we are.
Jim "The Waco Kid": Then we're awake, but we're very puzzled.”

“Max Bialystock: That's it, baby, when you've got it, flaunt it, flaunt it!”

“Igor (limping off): Walk this way — and Dr. Frankenstein limps off after him.”

“Count de Monet [consistently mispronounced as "count da money"]: Bearnaise, do we have any of those delicious raisins left?
Bearnaise: You ate yours. These are mine.
Count de Monet: Au contraire, they are mine! I paid for them! Hand them over!
Bearnaise [sotto voce, mimicking]: 'I paid for them! They're mine!'”

“Dark Helmet: I see your schwartz is as big as mine.”

“Max Bialystock: How could this happen? I was so careful. I picked the wrong play, the wrong director, the wrong cast. Where did I go right?”

“Sheriff Bart: Excuse me while I whip this out.”

“Dark Helmet [after everyone on the bridge announces that their last name is "Asshole."]: I knew it, I'm surrounded by Assholes.”

“[explaining that Paul Revere was Anti-Semitic] He was scared they were moving into the neighborhood. "They're coming, they're coming. The Yiddish, they're coming"”

“Count de Monet: It is said that the people are revolting
King Louis XVI : You said it. They stink on ice.”

“Lonestar: That's all we needed, a Druish Princess!”

“Tomás de Torquemada: It's better to lose your skullcap than your skull.”

“Townspeople: A black sheriff?
Blinkin: He's Black?!
Ahchoo: Why not? It worked in Blazing Saddles.”

“King Richard: From this day forward, all toilets in this kingdom shall be known as…'Johns!”

“Leo Bloom: Actors are not animals! They're human beings!
Max Bialystock: They are? Have you ever eaten with one?”

“Will Scarlet Blinkin, fix your boobs, you look like a bleeding Picasso.”

“Moses : God has given us these fifteen— (after dropping one of the tablets) Oy! Ten — ten commandments!”

“Dark Helmet: What's the matter Colonel Sandurz… chicken?!”

“Jim "The Waco Kid": My name is Jim, most people call me… Jim.”

“Igor: My grandfather used to work for your grandfather. Of course the rates have gone up.”

“Blinkin Aaahhhh, you lost your arms in battle, but you grew some nice boobs (Blinkin gropes the Venus De Milo statue left behind after creditors take away Loxley Castle)”

“I was in the middle of shooting the last few weeks of Blazing Saddles somewhere in the Antelope Valley, and Gene Wilder and I were having a cup of coffee and he said, I have this idea that there could be another "Frankenstein." I said not another — we've had the son of, the cousin of, the brother-in-law, we don't need another Frankenstein. His idea was very simple: What if the grandson of Dr. Frankenstein wanted nothing to do with the family whatsoever. He was ashamed of those wackos. I said, "That's funny."”

“Dr. Frankenstein Damn your eyes!
Igor (pointing at his lazy eye) Too late!”

“Lead Tenor Stormtrooper: Springtime, for Hitler, and Germany
Winter, for Poland and France!”

“Sheriff Bart: Where the white women at?”

“[on the greatest invention] Liquid Prell.”

“Jail Inmates: Eighty fff…. Eighty fff…. Eighty fff…. Eighty fff…. Eighty Six!”

“You know Cuneiform? You know Sanskrit? It's neither of those.”

“Dark Helmet : So, Lone Star, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.”

“Ahchoo:Man, white men can't jump!!”

“Dark Helmet : What? You went over my helmet?”