Karl Pilkington: Likeness

“I look at life like a big book and sometimes you get half way through it and go 'Even though I've been enjoying it, I've had enough. Give us another book”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 2 Episode 2
On Life

Life , Books , Way

“I really can't believe what a state the Pyramids are in. I thought they had flat rendered sides, but when you get up close, you see how they are just giant boulders balanced on top of each other, like a massive game of Jenga that has got out of hand.”

Karl Pilkington

Source: An Idiot Abroad: The Travel Diaries of Karl Pilkington

Game

“I always have a problem liking things I'm told I should like.”

Karl Pilkington

Source: An Idiot Abroad: The Travel Diaries of Karl Pilkington

Problem

“On dopplegangers - No because only it would only get me into trouble won't it? Because people won't believe there's another one like me. Otherwise everyone would be saying that when they get caught robbing, they go Oh it wasn't me it was me doppleganger.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 2 Episode 1
On Biology

People

“On octopuses - When you see 'em in films, they're running about an' that and everyone likes an octopus.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 2 Episode 6
On Nature

“You can be an ugly baby and everyone goes awww innit nice? There was some women in a cafe the other week that I was sat in, and she came up and she sat down with her mate and she was talkin' loudly goin' on about oh the baby's lovely. They said it's got, er, lovely big eyes, er, really big hands and feet. Now that doesn't sound like a nice baby to me. I felt like sayin' it sounds like a frog. But I thought I dont know her, there's only so much you can say to a stranger. I dont know what kept me from sayin' it.”

Karl Pilkington

The Podfather Trilogy, Episode 1 Halloween
On Life

Love , Women , Baby

“Treat the world like a head”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 5 Episode 4
On the Earth
Variant: Treat the world like a head

World

“On Steve's dancing ability- er, it's just like a bit of weird art”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 3 Episode 4
On Stephen Merchant

Art , Dance

“Well…like, when you're born, you're a little baby, you're wrinkly and stuff, when you get older you sort of morph into a baby again…”

Karl Pilkington

Xfm 01 December 2001
On Ageing

Baby

“I've met a few little people in my time. I met a little fella once and he was alright. He got drunk really quick, err, but he was alright. But it took me by surprise -like I've said about when I met Steve for the first time, it's only that same thing, then if we lived together I'm sure we'd get on a storm”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 3 Episode 6
On Little People

People , Time

“I was at some night once, right. It was some night out and er, some people come running on stage. And some music started coming on. These four people came running out, it was two women, two blokes. It wasn't gay an' that. It was just a normal night -well, y'know, some party night out. These people come running on. You've got two women, you've got two blokes. They whip their knickers off. The fellas whip their undies off. All at the same time, like er, whatsit? Cheryl Baker was in it… Bucks Fizz. So that happened and all I'm saying is, right; before I had a look at the woman's bits, I just had a cheeky glance at the fellas' bits, just checkin' it out, checking everything's normal down there. Believe me, I had a look at the ladies' bits but I didn't know how long that pants were going to left off for.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 2
On Nudity

Women , People , Music , Time

“On seeing an ultrasound picture- It was an awkward situation because she was happy with it. I was like 'Oh God'. It was an odd looking thing. I couldn't say 'Oh, it looks like you' because that would be a dis.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 2 Episode 2
On Medicine

God , Happiness

“On the possibility of meeting Warwick Davis- The first time I see him, I'd be a little like, what should I say, what shouldn't I say? Whereas once you get to know him I'm sure he'd be a lovely little fella.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 3 Episode 6
On Little People

Love , Time

“The first time you watch it you'll probably cry a bit. The second time you watch it you will probably think - boy that would be bad having a head like that being picked on - the third time you are probably thinking, er, how does he get his jumper on, er, then dunno probably bored of it the fourth time. But, but it's well worth watching.”

Karl Pilkington

Xfm 07 December 2002
On The Elephant Man

Boy , Thinking , Time , Cry

“Talking about being in heaven- It's not fair though because all them lot have been up there ages with like a chance to get a bit of sun on the body and that so they'll look alright. I'll be wandering about with underpant marks and stuff.”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast - Bonus Disc
On Nudity

Age , Chance , Sun

“I wouldn't put a date on that pancake day anyway, just av 'em when you want, have it when you want. There's no big deal. You've got to make 'em yourself, it's not like some place is openin' to do it. Have em when you want. I don't know why that's got a special day on it, sick-of-it”

Karl Pilkington

The Podfather Trilogy, Episode 2 Thanksgiving
On Calendars

“At some point, somethin has had it away with a leaf [Karl's explanation of an insect which has evolved to look like a leaf to protect itself from predators]”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 3 Episode 3
On Biology

“Is there anyone else that you look like, Steve, or would you say you're a bit of a one-off?”

Karl Pilkington

Xfm 28 June 2003
On Stephen Merchant

“Do you know like, when you're a bloke nudist, Do you ever get any who just have like a small knob?”

Karl Pilkington

Podcast Series 1 Episode 2
On Nudity

“I'm just sayin', I don't like fun”

Karl Pilkington

The Podfather Trilogy, Episode 2 Thanksgiving
On Life