Josh Billings Quotes (91 quotes) | Quotes of famous people

Josh Billings: 91 quotes 3 likes

Famous Josh Billings Quotes

“Wisdom has never made a bigot, but learning has.”

Josh Billings

“Better make a weak man your enemy than your friend.”

Josh Billings

Affurisms. From Josh Billings: His Sayings (1865)

“Prejudice iz a hous plant which iz very apt tew wither if yu take it out doors amungst pholks.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

“Misplaced charity iz a good blunder tew make. If yu want tew git a good general idea ov a man's karakter find out from him what hiz opinion ov his nabor iz.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

“Their is one advantage in a plurality of wifes; tha fite each other, insted ov their husbands.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

“There iz no more real satisfackshun, in laying up in yure buzzum an injury than thare iz in stuffing a dead hornet, who haz stung you, and keeping him tew look at.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

Josh Billings Quotes about the world

“Men are often praized for their sagassity, but all the fore sight in the world kant tell a dubble yelked egg untill it iz broken.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

“The lion and the lamb may, possibly, sumtime lay down in this world together for a fu minnits, but when the lion kums tew git up, the lamb will be missing.”

Josh Billings

Affurisms: Slips of the Pen http://books.google.com/books?id=Wpk_AAAAYAAJ&q="The+lion+and+the+lamb+may+possibly+sumtime+lay+down+in+this+world+together+for+a+fu+minnits+but+when+the+lion+kums+tew+git+up+the+lamb+will+be+missing"&pg=PA227#v=onepage The Complete Works of Josh Billings (1876)

“I hav often heard ov men who had bekum disgusted with the world, and retired into solitude; but i hav never heard ov a kommitty ov our fust citizens waiting on them and asking them tew kum bak.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

“We are happy in this world just in proporshun as we make others happy--i stand reddy tew bet 50 dollars on this saying.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

“Misanthropy don't pay--thare aint no man living whoze hate the world cares one cuss for.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

“Thare iz a grate deal ov charity in this world so koldly rendered that it fairly hurts, it iz like lifting a drowning man out ov the water bi the hair ov the hed, and then letting him drop on the ground.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

Josh Billings: Trending quotes

“Tew bring up a child in the wa he should go—travel that wa yourself.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings, Hiz Sayings, Chapter 78: "Domestik Receipts in Full" http://books.google.com/books?id=gNw-AQAAMAAJ&q=%22Tew+bring+up+a+child+in+the%22+%22he+should+go+travel+that+wa+yourself%22&pg=PA217#v=onepage (1865)

Travel

“It iz a darned sight eazier tew find six men who kan tell exactly how a thing ought tew be did than tew find one who will do it.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

Men

“It iz comparitively eazy tew repent ov the sins that we hav committed, but tew repent ov thoze which we intend to commit, is asking tew mutch ov enny man, now days.”

Josh Billings

Affurisms: Jews Harps http://books.google.com/books?id=pkM1AAAAMAAJ&q=%22It+iz+comparitively+eazy+tew+repent+ov+the+sins+that+we+hav+committed+but+tew+repent+ov+thoze+which+we+intend+to+commit+is+asking+tew+mutch+ov+enny+man+now+days%22&pg=PA164#v=onepage, Josh Billings' Wit and Humor (1874)

Josh Billings Quotes

“The man who kan ware a paper collar a hole week and keap, it klean, aint fit for enny thing else.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

“Love haz a most vorashus appetight, but a poor digestion, what it feeds on most alwus distresses it. Prudes, are coquets, gone to seed. It iz our duty tew pray for them who revile and persekute us, but i dont kno az we are obliged tew let them kno it.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

Love

“I don't rekoleckt now ov ever hearing ov two dogs fiteing unless thare waz a man or two around.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

Dogs

“I rather admire the insolent civility ov a bull-tarrier, who only growls when i pass by him, but i never did like it in a man.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

“As in a game ov cards, so in the game ov life, we must play what is dealt tew us, and the glory consists, not so mutch in winning, as in playing a poor hand well.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings on Ice, and Other Things https://archive.org/details/joshbillingsoni00billgoog (1868), Chapter XXIV: "Perkussion Caps", p. 89; republished in The Complete Works of Josh Billings http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/36556 (1876), Chapter 141: "Ods and Ens", p. 248. Often paraphrased as "Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well."

Life , Game

“7 per cent haz no rest, nor no religion, it works nights, and Sundays, and even wet days.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

Religion , Night

“This setting down and folding our arms, and waiting for sumthing tew turn up, iz just about az rich a speckulashun az going out into a four hundred acre lot, setting down on a sharp stone, with a pail between our knees, and waiting for a cow tew back up and be milked.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

Waiting

“I don't care how much a man talks, if he only says it in a few words.”

Josh Billings

Affurisms. From Josh Billings: His Sayings (1865)

“I don't beleave in fighting; i am solemly aginst it; but if a man gits teu fighting, i am also solemly aginst hiz gitting licked. After a fight iz once opened, all the virtew thare iz in it iz tew lick the other party.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

Fight

“When a man gits tew talking about himself, he seldum fails tew be eloquent, and often reaches the sublime.”

Josh Billings

Affurisms. From Josh Billings: His Sayings (1865)

“When a doktor looks me square in the face and kant see no money in me, then i am happy.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

Money , Happiness

“Truth dont require the aid ov elegant and high stepping words, tew express its force, or buty, it iz like water, tastes better out ov a wooden bucket, than it duz out ov a golden goblet.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

Truth , Water

“If thare iz enny human being that i thoroughly loath, it iz the one who haz nothing tew boast ov but hiz money--a mere pimp tew hiz welth.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

Money

“The wealth ov a person should be estimated, not bi the amount he haz, but bi the use he makes ov it.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

Personality , Wealth

“The hardest thing that enny man kan do iz tew fall down on the ice when it iz wet, and get up and praze the Lord.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

“When i see a poor, and proud aristokrat, purtiklar about punktillio, he alwus puts me in mind ov a drunken man, trieing tew walk a crack.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

“Ventilashun iz a good thing, but when a man kant lay down and sleep in a 10 aker lot without taking down two lengths ov fence to let the wind in he iz alltogether too airish.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

Sleep

“Them folks who are sudden, aint apt tew be solid; lively streams are alwus shallow.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

“I never hav seen a bigot yet but what had a small and apparently braneless hed--bit i hain't seen all the bigots, yu know.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

“I don't suppoze thare haz ever lived a man without a single virtew. Even Judas Iskariot "went and hanged himself."”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

“If we would all ov us take kare ov our own souls, and let our nabors alone, thare would be less time lost, and more souls saved.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

Soul , Time

“"Familiarity breeds kontempt." This only applies tew men, not tew hot bukwheat slapkakes, well buttered and sugared.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

Men

“The man who pitys everyboddy, wants watching, for the chances are that he iz gitting phatt slily on other peoples misfortunes.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

People , Chance

“If I had 4 fust rate dogs i would name the best one "Doubtful" and the other 3 "Useless."”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

Dogs

“I don't beleaf in bad luck being sot for a man, like a trap, but i hav known lots ov folks, who if thare waz enny fust rate bad luck lieing around loose, would be sure tew git one foot in it enny how.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

Bad luck , Lie

“I hav studdyed mi own karakter, and mi own impulses for 39 years clussly, and i kant tell to day (to save a bet) whether i am an honest and trew man or not--if thare iz enny boddy who knows about this matter i wish they would address me a letter, enklosing a postage blister.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

“Rather than not hav faith in enny thing, i am willing tew be beat 9 times out ov 10.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

Faith , Time

“Put an Englishman into the garden of Eden, and he would find fault with the whole blasted concern; put a Yankee in, and he would see where he could alter it to advantage; put an Irishman in, and he would want to boss the thing; put a Dutchman in, and he would proceed to plant it.”

Josh Billings

Affurisms. From Josh Billings: His Sayings (1865)

“Politeness iz often wasted, but it iz a good and cheap mistake tew make.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

“Too mutch religion iz wuss than none at all. Yu kant sho me a kuntry that haz existed yet, whare the people, all ov them, professed one religion and persekuted all other kinds, but what the religion ruined the country.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

People , Religion , Country

“I dont never hav enny trouble in regulating mi own kondukt, but tew keep other pholks straight iz what bothers me.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

“Love is like the measles; we can't have it bad but once, and the later in life we have it the tougher it goes with us.”

Josh Billings

Affurisms. From Josh Billings: His Sayings (1865)

Love , Life

“I think that a hen who undertakes tew lay 2 eggs a day must necessarily neglekt sum other branch ov bizzness.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

Thinking

“What should we do if it want for the churches? Thare iz a plenty ov people who kant worship God only in a church. If they were out in a field on the Sabbath day they would at once bekum lawless, and fall to digging out woodchucks or hunting for bumblebees' nests.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

God , People

“If we giv up our minds tew little things we never shall be fit for big ones. I knew a man once who could ketch more flies with one swoop ov his hand than enny boddy else could, and he want good at ennything else.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

“Cunning iz very apt tew outwit itself. The man who turned the boat over and got under it tew keep out ov the rain, waz one ov this kind.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

“I beleave in the universal salvashun ov men, but I want tew pick the men.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

Men , Universe

“Poor human natur iz too full ov its own grievances tew have enny pitty to spare,--if yu show a man a big bile on yure arm, he will tell yu he had one twice az big az that, on the same spot, last year.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

Nature

“Thare are but dredful phew people who kan talk ten minnits tew yu without lugging into the conversashun their bak or stummuk akes.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

People

“As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.”

Josh Billings

Affurisms. From Josh Billings: His Sayings (1865)

Truth

“The grate desire ov mi life iz tew amuze sumboddy. I had rather be able to set the multiplikashun table tew sum lively tune than tew hav bin the author ov it.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

Life

“Poverty is the stepmother of genius.”

Josh Billings

Affurisms. From Josh Billings: His Sayings (1865)

“I hope i shall never hav so much reputashun that i shan't feel obliged to be alwus civil.”

Josh Billings

Source: Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

Hope , Feeling

“Marrying for buty iz a poor spekulashun, for enny man who sees yure wife, has got just about az mutch stock in her as yu have.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

“Awl human happiness is conservatiff; 2 thirds ov the pleasure in sliding down hill consists in drawing the sled back. I don't serpoze thare would be enny fun in sliding down a hill 34 miles long.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

Pleasure , Drawing , Happiness

“The wheel that squeaks the loudest
Is the one that gets the grease.”

Josh Billings

The Kicker

“Dangers are sum like a kold bath, very dangerous while you stand stripped on the bank, but often not only harmless, but invigorating, if you pitch into them.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

“I don't kno az i want tew bet enny money, and giv odds, on the man, who iz alwus anxious tew pray out loud, every chance he kan git.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

Money , Chance

“Nature never makes blunders; when she makes a fool she means it.”

Josh Billings

Affurisms. From Josh Billings: His Sayings (1865)

Fools , Nature

“Thare iz sich a thing az being alwus too quick--i am one ov that kind miself, i alwus miss a rale rode train bi being thare a haff an our too soon.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

Training

Similar authors

Mark Twain 637

American author and humorist

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow 202

American poet

Andrew Carnegie 34

American businessman and philanthropist

Walt Whitman 181

American poet, essayist and journalist

Ralph Waldo Emerson 727

American philosopher, essayist, and poet

Orison Swett Marden 16

American writer

Ambrose Bierce 204

American editorialist, journalist, short story writer, fabu…

Thomas Edison 57

American inventor and businessman

Louisa May Alcott 174

American novelist

William James 246

American philosopher, psychologist, and pragmatist

Similar authors

Mark Twain 637

American author and humorist

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow 202

American poet

Andrew Carnegie 34

American businessman and philanthropist

Walt Whitman 181

American poet, essayist and journalist

Ralph Waldo Emerson 727

American philosopher, essayist, and poet