Josh Billings: Trending quotes

“It iz a darned sight eazier tew find six men who kan tell exactly how a thing ought tew be did than tew find one who will do it.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

Men

“Tew bring up a child in the wa he should go—travel that wa yourself.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings, Hiz Sayings, Chapter 78: "Domestik Receipts in Full" http://books.google.com/books?id=gNw-AQAAMAAJ&q=%22Tew+bring+up+a+child+in+the%22+%22he+should+go+travel+that+wa+yourself%22&pg=PA217#v=onepage (1865)

Travel

“Better make a weak man your enemy than your friend.”

Josh Billings

Affurisms. From Josh Billings: His Sayings (1865)

“Prejudice iz a hous plant which iz very apt tew wither if yu take it out doors amungst pholks.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

“There iz no more real satisfackshun, in laying up in yure buzzum an injury than thare iz in stuffing a dead hornet, who haz stung you, and keeping him tew look at.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

Dead

“Misplaced charity iz a good blunder tew make. If yu want tew git a good general idea ov a man's karakter find out from him what hiz opinion ov his nabor iz.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

Idea

“Their is one advantage in a plurality of wifes; tha fite each other, insted ov their husbands.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

“It iz comparitively eazy tew repent ov the sins that we hav committed, but tew repent ov thoze which we intend to commit, is asking tew mutch ov enny man, now days.”

Josh Billings

Affurisms: Jews Harps http://books.google.com/books?id=pkM1AAAAMAAJ&q=%22It+iz+comparitively+eazy+tew+repent+ov+the+sins+that+we+hav+committed+but+tew+repent+ov+thoze+which+we+intend+to+commit+is+asking+tew+mutch+ov+enny+man+now+days%22&pg=PA164#v=onepage, Josh Billings' Wit and Humor (1874)

“The man who kan ware a paper collar a hole week and keap, it klean, aint fit for enny thing else.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

“Love haz a most vorashus appetight, but a poor digestion, what it feeds on most alwus distresses it. Prudes, are coquets, gone to seed. It iz our duty tew pray for them who revile and persekute us, but i dont kno az we are obliged tew let them kno it.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

Love

“I don't rekoleckt now ov ever hearing ov two dogs fiteing unless thare waz a man or two around.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

Dogs

“The lion and the lamb may, possibly, sumtime lay down in this world together for a fu minnits, but when the lion kums tew git up, the lamb will be missing.”

Josh Billings

Affurisms: Slips of the Pen http://books.google.com/books?id=Wpk_AAAAYAAJ&q="The+lion+and+the+lamb+may+possibly+sumtime+lay+down+in+this+world+together+for+a+fu+minnits+but+when+the+lion+kums+tew+git+up+the+lamb+will+be+missing"&pg=PA227#v=onepage The Complete Works of Josh Billings (1876)

World

“I rather admire the insolent civility ov a bull-tarrier, who only growls when i pass by him, but i never did like it in a man.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

“We are happy in this world just in proporshun as we make others happy--i stand reddy tew bet 50 dollars on this saying.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

World , Happiness

“As in a game ov cards, so in the game ov life, we must play what is dealt tew us, and the glory consists, not so mutch in winning, as in playing a poor hand well.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings on Ice, and Other Things https://archive.org/details/joshbillingsoni00billgoog (1868), Chapter XXIV: "Perkussion Caps", p. 89; republished in The Complete Works of Josh Billings http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/36556 (1876), Chapter 141: "Ods and Ens", p. 248. Often paraphrased as "Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well."

Life , Game

“7 per cent haz no rest, nor no religion, it works nights, and Sundays, and even wet days.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

Religion , Night

“This setting down and folding our arms, and waiting for sumthing tew turn up, iz just about az rich a speckulashun az going out into a four hundred acre lot, setting down on a sharp stone, with a pail between our knees, and waiting for a cow tew back up and be milked.”

Josh Billings

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)

Waiting

“I don't care how much a man talks, if he only says it in a few words.”

Josh Billings

Affurisms. From Josh Billings: His Sayings (1865)