Jeff Stilson Quotes

Jeff Stilson is an American stand-up comedian, writer and TV producer.

Stilson was born in Spokane, WA. He began his stand up career in Seattle, WA in the mid 1980s. As a stand up he has appeared on Late Night with David Letterman, The Tonight Show, Comedy Central, The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, and is a regular guest on The Panel in Australia. He has also won two Emmy awards and received 14 nominations as a comedy writer and producer. Stilson was one of five comedians to appear on the 14th Annual Young Comedians Special for HBO in 1991. He worked as a writer for The Late Show with David Letterman, and as a producer and writer for The Chris Rock Show, Da Ali G Show, Last Comic Standing and The Daily Show, and many others.

Stilson is friends with Chris Rock and worked with him to make the documentary Good Hair, receiving a nomination for the Writers Guild of America Award for Best Documentary Screenplay. Wikipedia

Jeff Stilson: 5 quotes0 likes

Famous Jeff Stilson Quotes

“It's actually quite difficult to stay awake while watch golf on television. It's a great sleep inducer. I think this is why the commentators in golf whisper. They don't want to wake you up. 'Looks like Tiger has about a twenty foot putt, and while he's lining it up I'll take this opportunity to sing "Rock-a-Bye baby,…"”

Comedy Central Presents Jeff Stilson (2003)

“I have tremendous respect for women after watching my wife give birth three times. I could never, ever raise a child to whom I gave birth. You know, because a newborn is about the size of a basketball, and if I had to expel a basketball from my body via a very restricted passageway, I would never want to see that basketball again. Not even on weekends.”

Comedy Central Presents Jeff Stilson (2003)

“It's very stressful becoming a parent. You know what was hard for me? Coming up with names for our children. I panic when I have to name a new document on my computer…. I got so desperate toward the end of my wife's third pregnancy that I found myself reading the credits at the end of movies, looking for names. Which means at some point, I'll have to explain to my little boy that he was named after the key grip on "Dude, Where's my Car?"”

Comedy Central Presents Jeff Stilson (2003)

“I'm trying to wean myself off sports, it's too time consuming. I don't watch football anymore, I gave that up. I got tired of the interviews after the games, because the winning players always give credit to God, and the losers blame themselves. You know, just once I'd like to hear a player say, 'Yeah, we were in the game, until Jesus made me fumble. He hates our team.”

Comedy Central Presents Jeff Stilson (2003)

“I've been married eight and a half years. I like being married, too. I like being married for two reasons. One, I got really tired to dating, and two, I got really tired of exercising. I don't understand these couples who get married and continue to exercise and eat healthily. I mean, what's the point of getting married if you can't let yourself go? It's not as if you have to be attractive anymore; the race is over, take off the uniform.”

Comedy Central Presents Jeff Stilson (2003)

Similar authors

Henny Youngman photo

Henny Youngman18

American comedian None

Groucho Marx photo

Groucho Marx117

American comedian None

George Carlin photo

George Carlin270

American stand-up comedian None

Jimmy Carr photo

Jimmy Carr20

British comedian and humourist None

Woody Allen photo

Woody Allen229

American screenwriter, director, actor, comedian, author, p… None

Jim Carrey photo

Jim Carrey21

Canadian-American actor, comedian, and producer None

Mae West24

American actress and sex symbol None

Patch Adams photo

Patch Adams10

Physician, activist, diplomat, author None

Ben Stein photo

Ben Stein30

actor, writer, commentator, lawyer, teacher, humorist None

Peter Ustinov photo

Peter Ustinov59

English actor, writer, and dramatist None