George Carlin: Quotes about thinking

George Carlin was American stand-up comedian. Explore interesting quotes on thinking.
George Carlin: 540   quotes 95   likes

“No. No, there's no God, but there might be some sort of an organizing intelligence, and I think to understand it is way beyond our ability”

George Carlin

The Onion A.V. Club, September 6, 2000 http://avclub.theonion.com/avclub3631/avfeature_3631.html
Interviews, Print Interviews
Context: [On the existence of God] No. No, there's no God, but there might be some sort of an organizing intelligence, and I think to understand it is way beyond our ability. It's certainly not a judgmental entity. It's certainly not paternalistic and all these qualities that have been attributed to God. It's probably a dispassionate... That's why I say, "Suppose He doesn't give a shit? Suppose there is a God but He just doesn't give a shit?" That's the kind of thing that might be at work.

God , Way , Intelligence , Understanding

“And now, ladies and gentlemen, that we've enjoyed some good times this evening, and enjoyed some laughter together, I feel it is my obligation to remind you of some of the negative, depressing, dangerous, life-threatening things that life is really all about; things you have not been thinking about tonight, but which will be waiting for you as soon as you leave the theater or as soon as you turn off your television sets. Anal rape, quicksand, body lice, evil spirits, gridlock, acid rain, continental drift, labor violence, flash floods, rabies, torture, bad luck, calcium deficiency, falling rocks, cattle stampedes, bank failure, evil neighbors, killer bees, organ rejection, lynching, toxic waste, unstable dynamite, religious fanatics, prickly heat, price fixing, moral decay, hotel fires, loss of face, stink bombs, bubonic plague, neo-Nazis, friction, cereal weevils, failure of will, chain reaction, soil erosion, mail fraud, dry rot, voodoo curse, broken glass, snake bite, parasites, white slavery, public ridicule, faithless friends, random violence, breach of contract, family scandals, charlatans, transverse myelitis, structural defects, race riots, sunspots, rogue elephants, wax buildup, killer frost, jealous coworkers, root canals, metal fatigue, corporal punishment, sneak attacks, peer pressure, vigilantes, birth defects, false advertising, ungrateful children, financial ruin, mildew, loss of privileges, bad drugs, ill-fitting shoes, widespread chaos, Lou Gehrig's disease, stray bullets, runaway trains, chemical spills, locusts, airline food, shipwrecks, prowlers, bathtub accidents, faulty merchandise, terrorism, discrimination, wrongful cremation, carbon deposits, beef tapeworm, taxation without representation, escaped maniacs, sunburn, abandonment, threatening letters, entropy, nine-mile fever, poor workmanship, absentee landlords, solitary confinement, depletion of the ozone layer, unworthiness, intestinal bleeding, defrocked priests, loss of equilibrium, disgruntled employees, global warming, card sharks, poisoned meat, nuclear accidents, broken promises, contamination of the water supply, obscene phone calls, nuclear winter, wayward girls, mutual assured destruction, rampaging moose, the greenhouse effect, cluster headaches, social isolation, Dutch elm disease, the contraction of the universe, paper cuts, eternal damnation, the wrath of God, and PARANOIAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!”

George Carlin

Playing With Your Head (1986)

Life , God , Bad luck , Children

“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”

George Carlin

Doin' It Again, Parental Advisory: Explicit Lyrics (1990)
Context: I know that. Some people don't want you to mention certain things. Some people don't want you to say this, some people don't want you to say that. Some people think if you mention some things they might happen. Some people are really fucking stupid. Did you ever notice that, how many stupid people you run into during the day? Goddamn there's a lot of stupid bastards walking around. Carry a pad and pencil with you, you'll wind up with thirty or forty names by the end of the day. Think about this; think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of 'em are stupider than that.

Funny , Stupidity , Thinking , Personality

“I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.”

George Carlin
Thinking

“I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.”

George Carlin When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

Source: When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

Alcohol , Thinking

“I think I am, therefore I am. I think.”

George Carlin

Books, Napalm and Silly Putty (2001)

Thinking

“People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.”

George Carlin
People , Thinking

“I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam.”

George Carlin
People , Thinking , Reading , Funny

“I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it the better.”

George Carlin book Brain Droppings

Source: Brain Droppings

Thinking

“I'm not a person who thinks they can have it all, but I certainly feel that with a bit of effort and guile I should be able to have more than my fair share.”

George Carlin When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

Source: When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

Feeling , Thinking , Effort , Personality

“Think off center.”

George Carlin
Thinking

“I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.”

George Carlin
People , Disease , Thinking , Memory

“I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.”

George Carlin book Brain Droppings

Source: Brain Droppings

Thinking

“Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.”

George Carlin
Thinking

“There are two-way words, like, it's okay for Curt Gowdy to say, "Roberto Clemente has two balls on him!" But he can't say, "I think he hurt his balls on that play, Tony, don't you?"”

George Carlin

Class Clown (1972)

Way , Thinking , Hurt

“[On why he lacked faith in humanity] The two big mistakes were the belief in a sky god – that there's a man in the sky with ten things he doesn't want you to do and you'll burn for a long time if you do them – and private property, which I think is at the core of our failure as a species. That's the source of my indignations, my dissatisfactions, however it comes out on stage. I feel betrayed by the people I'm part of, these creatures, these magnificent creatures.”

George Carlin

Mother Jones Magazine, March/April 1997
Interviews, Print Interviews

God , People , Faith , Feeling

“I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.”

George Carlin

Books, Napalm and Silly Putty (2001)

People , Thinking , Time

“You might have noticed that I never complain about politicians. I leave that to others. And there's no shortage of volunteers; everyone complains about politicians. Everyone says they suck. But where do people think these politicians come from? They don't fall out of the sky; they don't pass through a membrane from a separate reality. They come from American homes, American families, American schools, American churches, and American businesses. And they're elected by American voters. This is what our system produces, folks. This is the best we can do. Let's face it, we have very little to work with. Garbage in, garbage out.”

George Carlin

Books, Napalm and Silly Putty (2001)

People , School , Family , Home