“How many people ask you to come share their life?”

“I am not sure exactly what heaven will be like, but I do know that when we die and it comes time for God to judge us, He will not ask, "How many good things have you done in your life?," rather He will ask, "How much love did you put into what you did?”

“People tend to talk in terms of how many people and civilians the United States has killed using drones. One question I’m never asked, though, is how many lives did you save?”

“A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated.”

“I would say that in order to reach the people you must feel as if you are part of the people. You must know what the people want, what they need, and what they feel. You must do a little self-analysis, study the university's statistics, and ask how many workers, how many peasants, how many men who make their living by their sweat eight hours a day are here in this university.”

“If I'm not a murderer," asked Corny, "how come I keep killing people?”

“You think you know your possibilities.
Then other people come into your life
and suddenly there are so many more.”

“You ask how many kissings of you, Lesbia, are enough for me and more than enough?”
Quaeris, quot mihi basiationes tuae, Lesbia, sint satis superque?

“When I ask the classes I teach, “How many of you can cook a better hamburger than McDonald’s?” almost all the students raise their hands. I then ask, “So if most of you can cook a better hamburger, how come McDonald’s makes more money than you?” The answer is obvious: McDonald’s is excellent at business systems. The reason so many talented people are poor is because they focus on building a better hamburger and know little to nothing about business systems.”

“Come on, let's get you a drink. How's your love life, anyway?

Oh God. Why can't married people understand that this is no longer a polite question to ask? We wouldn't rush up to them and roar, "How's your marriage going? Still have sex?”