“Don't buy one of those baby intercoms. Babies pretend to be dead. They're bastards, and they do it on purpose.”

Billy Connolly by Nigel Huddleston, published June 2004.
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British comedian 1942

Peter Fleming (writer)

One's company: A Journey to China, on the train from Pinsiang to Changsha, September 1933.

“Lots of my friends have babies, but I don't have any babies. But I have lots of friends; babies don't have any friends. They all have those baby-monitors so they can hear the baby from the other room, which I consider a form of wiretapping. One day there's gonna be a really smart baby who makes a fake recording of some fake baby noises…gonna crawl out of the window and go to Italy.”

Steven Wright (1955) American actor and author

When the Leaves Blow Away (2006), I Still Have a Pony (2007)

“I don't have any children, but if I had a baby, I would have to name it so I'd buy a baby naming book. Or I would invite somebody over who had a cast on.”

Mitch Hedberg (1968–2005) American stand-up comedian

Mitch All Together (2003)

“Desmond, don't poke the baby!'…
'I'll get you next time-'
Don't threaten the baby either!'…”

Derek Landy (1974) Irish children's writer

“Well be-bop-a-lula, she's my baby
Be-bop-a-lula, I don't mean maybe
Be-bop-a-lula, she's my baby
Be-bop-a-lula, I don't mean maybe
Be-bop-a-lula, she's my baby love
My baby love, my baby love.”

Gene Vincent (1935–1971) American musician

"Be-Bop-A-Lula" (1956); though Vincent composed the tune and sang the song, by his accounts, the lyrics to this were written by Donald Graves (the credit for which he sold to Bill "Sheriff Tex" Davis). · Town Hall Party (1958) at YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vDU9FP5_B2M <br class="br">Misattributed

“Don't worry about that baby. I love babies. I hear that baby crying, I like it. What a baby. What a beautiful baby. Don't worry, don't worry. The mom's running around like—don't worry about it, you know. It's young and beautiful and healthy and that's what we want. […] Actually, I was only kidding, you can get the baby out of here. That's all right. Don't worry. I, I think she really believed me that I love having a baby crying while I'm speaking. That's OK. People don't understand. That's OK.”

Donald J. Trump (1946) 45th President of the United States of America

At a rally in Ashburn, Virginia. http://www.politico.com/story/2016/08/trump-kicks-out-baby-rally-226566 (August 2, 2016) <br class="br">2010s, 2016, August

“Never break a promise to an animal. They're like babies—they won't understand.”

Tamora Pierce book Wild Magic

Source: Wild Magic

“Scottish Guy heckled… "You're a bastard, Michael." … Oh I might not be, but I know that's the first word of a newborn Scottish baby!”

Michael McIntyre (1976) British comedian

“I can’t wait until the baby is old enough to play pretend. That was my favorite thing to do as a kid, and I suppose I never stopped.”

Andrea Brooks (1989) Canadian actor

Source: 'When Calls the Heart' Star Andrea Brooks Opens Up About Her Pregnancy Journey (Exclusive) https://www.etonline.com/when-calls-the-heart-star-andrea-brooks-opens-up-about-her-pregnancy-journey-exclusive-128970 (July 20, 2019)

“I'll tell you a secret I don't even know.
Baby, there's something wrong with me
Baby, there's something wrong with me
Baby, there's something wrong with me
That I can't see.”

Aimee Mann (1960) American indie rock singer-songwriter (born 1960)

"King of the Jailhouse"
Song lyrics, The Forgotten Arm (2005)

“Don't buy one of those baby intercoms. Babies pretend to be dead. They're bastards, and they do it on purpose.”

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