“My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings.”

“Yeah, that’s exactly what I want. To help my girlfriend get her old boyfriend back.”

“When a woman grabs my braids and says "How cute!" I crab her breast and say "How cute!" She never touches me again!”

“I really wish you hadn't worn that sweater,'he muttered into her ear.
'It's good practice for you,' she replied, her lips moving against his skin.
'Tomorrow, fishnets.'
Against her side, warm and familiar, she felt him laugh.”

“I bought her this handkerchief… and I didn't even know her size.”

“Enjoy him while it lasts," I called. "Apparently he has Girlfriend ADD."

She looked away, but not before I caught the blush staining her cheeks.”

“To say she was my girlfriend was absurd: no one the wrong side of thirty has a girlfriend… I suppose I ought to have realize it’s ominous that forty thousand years of human language had failed to produce a word for our relationship.”

“A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes.”

“I often think that there was nothing more exciting and erotic than getting a glimpse of a woman's leg at the top of her stockings. There's something about that white bulge and for anybody who grew up in my time, nothing replaces that, nothing. I remember I had a girlfriend when I was 16 and she had this bra – it used to open down the front – which I thought was absolutely wonderful. It was like opening a tabernacle.”

“Yeah, that's exactly what I want. To help my girlfriend get her old boyfriend back." He turned away again, and I heard him mutter, "I needdrinks.”